Hero alert! A lot of STA readers have reported that their boss is doing something illegal, but they’re either worried about being dragged into the mess or not being believed when they report it. However, one assistant was able to do the right thing – and help a lot of other people in the process. An unnamed assistant in England was the whistleblower who suspected Lynne Greenwood, director of a nonprofit organization, of embezzling money from the company. The assistant began to suspect that the company’s numbers were off. Turns out that Greenwood, 57, had become a compulsive shopper and was using the charity’s money to pay her credit card bills to the tune of almost £53,000 (roughly $73K). Greenwood has been ordered to pay back the money she stole and was sentenced to 11 months in prison.
Congratulations, assistant! I am hoping the reason your name has not been made public is because you are awesome and modest and want to go on with your life, not because the British press doesn’t want to acknowledge you.
A few months ago, I speculated that Amy Winehouse must not have an assistant, because if she did she’d send the assistant out to buy drugs at 3 AM rather than do it herself. Well, reports about her recent hospitalization leave some interesting clues. One report claims that when Amy fainted at her London home, she was caught by an assistant.
“An assistant” is a pretty curious phrase. Did she hire multiple assistants to watch her round the clock, and one of the group was there to catch her? Or was it maybe her rumored boy-on-the-side Alex Haynes, who happens to be employed as an assistant?
First, Lindsay Lohan’s assistant rescues her from almost-drowning, now this. Assistants save lives, y’all.
You may not recognize Anne Robinson’s name, but you definitely know who she is. The Brit TV show host became famous for hosting The Weakest Link and uttering her famously curt catchphrase, “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.”
Robinson has had an interesting couple of years since becoming a household name, and apparently spent a lot of her fortune on cosmetic surgery. Despite the surgery, she’s still recognizable and a favorite target of the British tabloids. So what’s a poor celebrity to do? Call her assistant to the rescue, of course. The Daily News reports:
[Pictured: Anne Robinson, before and after. Also, she's blonde now.]
So her horror can only be imagined when she popped out to the newsagent’s in an old grey tracksuit, without make-up, only to find a photographer waiting for her as she came out of the shop.
Miss Robinson dived back inside and called her personal assistant on her mobile phone. Moments later, the assistant arrived carrying a coat, baseball cap and oversized sunglasses. And duly covered up, the 63-year-old Weakest Link inquisitor emerged to walk back to her West London home with a smirk of triumph.
Assistants. Is there anything they can’t do?
Not only are celebrity PAs required to resell swag bags on eBay and deflect Michael Bay’s phone calls, sometimes they get called upon to save the lives of their bosses. A few months ago, it was reported that Lindsay Lohan once passed out in an overflowing bathtub and was rescued by her diligent assistant. Now, it’s coming out that grande dame and screen icon Elizabeth Taylor was rushed to the hospital yesterday after mixing (on purpose or on accident…no one’s sure yet) an unhealthy combination of alcohol and pills. It was not one of her fulltime caregivers who called the ambulance…it was Liz’s assistant. The assistant was awakened at 4 AM to the sounds of Elizabeth throwing up and, like any quick-thinking PA, called 911.
Kudos to you, unnamed assistant. And best of luck to Liz Taylor, who was a diva before Whitney and Mariah even knew what a diva was.
You can count on Lindsay Lohan for one thing: the girl is never boring. Whether she’s getting busted for drugs, feuding with her dad, or making out with random Italian dudes, she’s always great tabloid fodder without the shameful/sad factor Britney has. Now, Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend, snowboarder Riley Giles (who she met in rehab) is making a quick buck by selling stories about her and naked photos of her to various tabloids. Here’s our favorite story (because it’s about an assistant, of course!), from the UK’s News of the World.
Riley is convinced Lindsay is determined to stay off drugs. And he revealed how she confessed she is haunted by a horrifying near-death experience.
He said: “She was in a London hotel and had been out partying all night and taking drugs. Back in her room she downed a load of Xanax anti-depressants and alcohol to mellow her out. She started running a bath, climbed in and before she knew it she’d passed out.
“As the bath overflowed she was totally unconscious and it was only because her assistant ran in and saved her that she didn’t drown. Lindsay said that was a terrifying wake-up call and showed her just how close she was to losing her life through drugs.”
See, celebrities? Your assistants are worth their weight in gold.
