Tag Archive for 'people who don’t need assistants'

Monday Coffee: Enjoy Your Links, Sweetie

What do chick flicks have to teach you about work? Lots, like “don’t take your bad day out on your cat” (Breakfast at Tiffany’s) and “never cry at the office” (A League of Their Own). – Flavorwire

A quarter of women in the UK say they hate nicknames at the office. The most hated nicknames include “love,” “babe,” and “hon.” – The Daily Mail

Is it a good idea for a boss to play a joke on his employees by bringing a “poop cake” into the office? The answer is always, always “No.” – The Stir

Not getting enough sleep, combined with working late, makes for unproductive employees. If you need be, I’ll be napping under my desk. – Huffington Post

The Black Cloud, The Feeder, The Jezebel. No, they’re not pro wrestlers – they’re some of the coworkers you should never, ever be friends with. – Lemondrop

The Grateful Dead have a lot to teach us, and not just about drugs. They’re great managers! – The Atlantic

One upside of the recession? Failure doesn’t really mean what it used to. Yay? – Newsweek

Has anyone contacted you via Facebook claiming to offer you a job? Like most things on the internet, it’s probably a scam. – BizJournals

For some reason I have yet to figure out, Real Housewife of DC and White House party crasher Michaele Salahi has a personal assistant. – Monsters & Critics

jon gosselin does not need an assistant

When crazypants Kate Major, who left her job at Star magazine to date reality “star” and father of eight Jon Gosselin, I thought she was completely making up her story that Jon offered to hire her as his personal assistant. However, it seems I owe Ms. Major an apology: in a lawsuit against Gosselin by TLC, the network that aired Jon and Kate Plus Eight and claims he violated his contract with them, one piece of evidence is a handwritten employment agreement between the two. In the document, Gosselin says he will pay Major the same amount of money she was making at her previous job to be his assistant. According to today’s New York Daily News:

The secret contract, dated July 28, 2009, reads: “I, Jon Gosselin, will employ Kate Major as a personal assistant,” pledging to give her “some but not all future accounts.”

Gosselin also wrote that “she will receive a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement.”

Major also promised in the newly revealed document, to “run any media inquiries past Jon Gosselin before doing any on-air or print work.” She likewise pledged to give Jon approval over questions and to exclude questions he nixed.

Major has been subpoenaed to testify in the case. This is getting good. I wonder if TLC will summon Michael Lohan as well?

would you be your boyfriend’s assistant?

Even if you never watched any of TLC’s “let’s give shows to people who have big families” block of reality TV (I’m a fan of the Duggars, personally), you know who Jon and Kate Gosselin are. The parents of twins and sextuplets have a hugely popular show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, on the cable network but joined the roster of regular tabloid subjects now that they’re divorcing. Now, dad Jon has turned into a massive tool, ODing on self-tanner, hanging out with Lindsay Lohan’s estranged dad, and dating a series of women. One of those women, Kate Major, quit her job at Star magazine (where she was assigned to write a story about Jon) to be with Gosselin – only to get dumped. What’s a jobless, spurned girl to do? Sell her story, of course. She recently appeared on CBS’ Early Show:

Major says she had a steamy, 12-day affair with Jon. On “The Early Show” Friday, she said she quit her job to pursue a personal assistant role and relationship with Jon that he offered.

Major said when Jon remarked publicly that he couldn’t be with anyone, she thought he was breaking off the relationship for the show and his kids. But, Major said, she didn’t bargain on Jon going back to his 22-year-old girlfriend, Hailey Glassman.

Not only would I not quit my job to date some dude with eight kids and an embarrassing earring, I would not quit my job to become his personal assistant! Maybe that’s some kind of code I don’t get or something, but the whole thing sounds totally fucked up.

There’s video of Kate Major in all her crazy glory after the jump.

Continue reading ‘would you be your boyfriend’s assistant?’

tip of the week: trust the internet

Last year, internet “celebrity” Julia Allison posted an ad on her blog for an intern. Now, she has a new ad up, seeking someone to work for her this summer (I’m not posting the link – if you’re dying to work for her, I’m sure you can find it). Once again the ad is self-deprecating (in that phony “I’m not self-aware, but I’m aware enough to know I need to sound self-aware” sort of way, of course) and gives a lengthy summary of what the intern’s duties will be. That’s all well and good, but if you’re thinking about applying for this internship (or any job ever for that matter), there’s something you need to do first: Google.

If you were a potential Julia Allison intern who had fifteen minutes or so to conduct an internet search, you might come across the story of Charlsie, the student who snagged the “coveted” internship at NonSociety (Julia’s web “startup” … I have got to lay off the quotes) last fall. Charlsie, who was doing the internship for academic credit, kept a Tumblr blog about her experiences, which included items like this:

When I left though, Julia gave me the dress she wore to the Google Inauguration Ball to return and a whole bunch of electronics to send out to people.

and (later) this:

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Continue reading ‘tip of the week: trust the internet’

new york goes to “work”

The economy has hit everyone hard – even also-ran reality “stars.” That’s why VH1 darling Tiffany “New York” Pollard has had to suck it up like the rest of us and go back to work.

Except…not exactly. Her new show, New York Goes to Work, will feature New York trying a variety of blue-collar jobs, from fast food employee to mortuary beautician. (Reality Blurred’s Andy Dehnart correctly identifies the show as “some kind of half-assed Dirty Jobs knock-off.”) If she does well at that week’s assigned job and pleases her bosses, she gets a $5,000 bonus.

I wonder if this downgrade means she still gets to keep her assistant? That’s the only part of this new series I find at all interesting.

for some reason, the naked cowboy has an assistant

Back in the glorious days when I worked from home, I watched a lot of bad TV. And I once saw the Naked Cowboy on an episode of Cristina’s Court, which is this terrible judge show. The Naked Cowboy is this dude who stands in his underwear in Times Square and gets his picture taken with people, and he has a guitar and sings this song that he wrote about himself. On Cristina’s Court, the Naked Cowboy was “suing” his girlfriend because she didn’t like having a 24/7 webcam in their bedroom that streamed to his website, and he was all “she’s getting between me and my destiny and blah blah something Tony Robbins said” and she was like “he’s delusional enough to think that people want to watch him sleep,” and Judge Cristina (who is a total famewhore, by the way) sided with the Cowboy because he “charmed” her by singing his stupid song in the courtroom.

Wait, what was this about? Oh, right. So the Naked Cowboy, for some reason, has an assistant. The assistant’s name is Elvis. One of Elvis’ duties is helping the Cowboy with his ridiculously OCD eating plan/schedule. I won’t bore you with the details of said food plan, since it is infinitely less interesting than fake lawsuits on Cristina’s Court, but together we can ponder what the hell kind of horror stories Elvis might be able to share with us.

dina lohan is a terrible boss

Dina Lohan, who lied about being a Rockette and is only famous for being Lindsay Lohan’s enabler–I mean, mother, was spotted bitching out her assistant at baggage claim at New York’s JFK airport. TMZ reports:

TMZ spies caught Lindsay’s mommie dearest going ballistic on her assistant at JFK baggage claim last week. Our source tells us Dina — who was flying back from LAX with her middle-aged teen daughter Ali — was screaming at the assistant for forgetting her bag and yelled, “You must have left your brain on the flight. You’re my assistant and that’s my bag. You should know this!” It’s safe to say you won’t be seeing that on “White Oprah’s” reality show.

The real question here, folks, is not “why is Dina Lohan such a miserable excuse for a human being?” but “why does Dina Lohan have an assistant?” Did Lindsay’s assistant-related experiences teach her nothing?

james frey treats someone else’s assistant like crap

Does the name James Frey ring a bell to you? Bestselling “memoirist” of A Million Little Pieces, chosen for Oprah’s Book Club, got caught lying about stuff he said was true in the book, got taken down by Oprah on her show? Yeah, that guy. Well, he’s back. He’s wisely decided to stick with actual fiction and has a novel called Bright Shiny Morning coming out in June. And although he isn’t worthy of having an assistant, he thinks it’s perfectly OK to torment other peoples’ assistants. Witness this quite, from Vanity Fair via Fishbowl NY:

Sometimes [Frey] pretends to be in an emergency, as he did the other day when he phoned his editor’s assistant: “Allison, fuck, Allison, I need your help now! I’m on the corner of 56th and Fifth Avenue and a fucking bus just drove by and drenched me! I have two more meetings and I need you to go buy me some underwear and buy me some pants.

We have two things to say to this.

1. Are you fucking kidding?

2. FREE ALLISON.

artie lange quits howard stern after scuffle with assistant

Forgive me for my somewhat shoddy recapping of this story, but my knowledge of Howard Stern’s show is pretty much limited to that time Tina Fey went on and said Paris Hilton was a stupid bitch who had man hands. (That was awesome, by the way.) One of Stern’s cohosts is a guy named Artie Lange, and Lange has an assistant named Teddy, aka “Teddy Microphone,” who, like pretty much everyone on that show, is just there to be abused. However, a few days ago Lange apparently went too far and threw a glass of water in Teddy’s face after Teddy had the audacity to refer to Bloomingdale’s by its bougie nickname, “Bloomie’s.” It was part of a bigger on-air conversation about whether Lange gives Teddy too much money.

Lange resigned from the show and apologized, but now rumors are flying that the resignation isn’t for real and Lange will be back on the show. Considering that Lange actually said that if he’d been allowed to go after Teddy the assistant would be “dead,” I think Lange should definitely not be permitted to return to the show. What kind of example does that set for all assistant-abusers the world around?

Teddy: we support you, even if you are just being used for ratings and free publicity.

burning assistant questions from ’sex and the city’ movie

In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a Sex and the City movie coming out. And in case you didn’t know, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is going to have an assistant, played by Jennifer Hudson. And just for the record, yes, we don’t think she needs an assistant either. In the movie, the normally fiancially-idiotic Carrie actually realizes she doesn’t pay her assistant enough to afford those nice shoes and bags she’s toting around. Women’s Wear Daily has more:

Everyone knows of an assistant who tries too hard in the wardrobe department — think, too-high heels, flashy jewelry and slightly off-trend shoes by way of the mall. But what if the assistant was that of Miss Carrie Bradshaw? One could hardly blame such a minion for trying too hard. In the “Sex & the City: The Movie,” Jennifer Hudson’s character plays the assistant to Sarah Jessica Parker. Hudson wears a potpourri of designer bags throughout the film until Bradshaw finally asks what gives. It turns out her assistant found a loophole in the fashion hierarchy: BagBorroworSteal.com. Hudson’s character rents designer bags from the site. In tandem with the launch, New Line Cinema has teamed up with the Web site to bow a Sex & the City collection.

Now we have a way to hook assistants up with cute bags without having to work a shrill, narcissistic prima donna like Carrie Bradshaw.