a blog for the beleaguered
Fonzworth Bentley, who went from being Diddy’s nattily-dressed umbrella holder to writing a book about style, is now following in his ex-boss’ footsteps by starring in his own MTV reality show. The show, From Gs to Gents, puts 14 shlubby guys in a house and brings Bentley in to teach them about manners, etiquette, proper formal attire, and, presumably, how to hold an umbrella.
MTV has a preview of the show, which premieres July 15.
For all the shit you have to go through to become Diddy’s assistant–and then for all the shit you have to go through being Diddy’s assistant–you better get something out of it. Some people become celebrity PAs for the awesome paychecks, and some people do it for the fame. Tiesha LeShore evidently falls into the latter category. An aspiring singer, she has a blog on the site NS4Life. At one point, Tiesha’s first post was an endorsement of her by her ex-boss, but it seems to have been taken down. Has Diddy withdrawn his endorsement in favor of his new protegee, Cassie? Was it a forgery? Or did it just get eaten by Google cache?
I don’t know the answer to that, but when you’re an aspiring singer who hasn’t updated your blog since December ‘07, that doesn’t bode terribly well for your career. Sure, maybe Tiesha is off being famous somewhere and thus is way too busy to blog, but it’s unlikely. I could be wrong, but this post isn’t going in the “Former Assistants Done Good” category just yet.
Gone are the days of a celebrity having one full time assistant. Now, as celebrity lives get more and more insane (and more micromanaged), they have a bevy of assistants to help with all kinds of ridiculous tasks. Need an eyebrow waxer to follow you everywhere in case of… eyebrow emergencies? Mariah Carey has an assistant who does nothing but carry around breast tape in case she’s veering into wardrobe malfunction territory. Diddy used to have a dude who carried around his umbrella for him. If celebrities can think of another stupid reason to add another body to their entourage, they’ll do it.
What shocks us isn’t that celebrities have more and more specialized helpers surrounding them. The shock is that news outlets either didn’t know this already, or assume it’s news to us.
Last week we told you that Diddy is searching for yet another personal assistant. But as we know, he’s never been the type to do anything outside the public eye. Diddy just inked a deal with VH1 to turn his search for a PA into a reality show. Wait…didn’t we already see this when it was called Making the Band?
[Former Diddy assistant Fonworth "Umbrella Holder" Bentley]
Forgive us for being disgruntled. We’re still mad that Naomi Campbell assistant reality show never happened. If you want to be one of the 20 “lucky” candidates on the show, click here for the job posting. Here are some highlights:
We are conducting a NATIONWIDE SEARCH to find the right candidates. Whether you call him P Diddy, Puffy, or Sean Combs, now is your chance to call this legend of hip-hop “My Boss.”
If you think you have what it takes to be P Diddy’s Assistant, then we want to hear from you. This is an amazing chance to work for one of the most successful businessmen of the modern era.
Qualifications/Requirements
Applicants must be 21 or older.
1. Must have a “whatever it takes” attitude.
2. You’ll need a big personality to stand out amongst the other candidates.
3. Be available and on-call 24/7.
4. Be able to cater to the BAD BOY CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, P Diddy.
Oh, and don’t forget the three different current photos of yourself. No fatties allowed!
Good news for those of you who didn’t get chosen as Diddy’s assistant last time–there’s another opportunity for your cheesecake-fetching dreams to come true. From Mollygood:
An ad in Mediabistro’s job listings yesterday called for a “Personal Assistant to Celebrity,” with a subheading specifying, “Hip-hop media mogul.”
Applicant requirements asked that candidates have a “whatever it takes” attitude, be 21 or older and be available 24 hours of every day. Job duties would include “coordinating personal affairs.”
There was no initial indication as to which celebrity hip-hop media mogul was hiring, and an air of intentional secrecy was palpable. But then, the contact info: “NewYork@WorkForPDiddy.com”Good luck! And don’t forget to include a photograph with your cover letter.
Diddy (or whatever the hell his name is now) has been looking for a new assistant, even asking candidates to send him videos explaining why they should get the job as his minion. And after an entire nation held their breath, Diddy has selected Heather Joy Thompson as the “lucky” “winner.”
Here’s what bugs us: Heather seems like a somewhat reasonable person, applying to work for Diddy nonwithstanding. She has a law degree and spent time in the Peace Corps. And yet her ambition is to carry Diddy’s umbrella? Gross.
Even though the search for a new assistant took awhile, Diddy isn’t stopping now. He claims to need 2-3 more assistants, and is planning a VH1 reality show to help him find them. Sounds like he got the slot they wanted for the failed Naomi Campbell series. Looks like Heather’s first official task is going to be vetting applicant resumes. Have fun!
Making your assistant carry your umbrella for you is so last year. The new trend in minion-torturing is making the assistant carry your pillow.
Witness these photos of P.Diddy and assistant as Exhibit A.
We know you’re really angling for that Britney Spears gig, but just in case that doesn’t work out, you might want to consider brushing up on your web casting skillz because Diddy Combs has put the word out that he needs a new assistant:
“Eschewing written resumes Combs has turned to video sharing Web site YouTube to recruit his next personal assistant, saying only people with a burning passion to get into the rap world need apply — and he’s received over 10,000 inquiries.”
What happened to Farnsworth Bentley? We loved him. He was like the Dita von Teese of assistants with his fancy umbrella-holding and kicky little neckerchiefs.
Anyway, what are the necessary skills for being Diddy’s assistant? Well, according to Diddy, “You gotta know how to read, you gotta know how to write… you gotta know how to count.”
For more information, check out the latest Youtube video from the man who allegedly doesn’t write rhymes (but he writes checks – big ones, we imagine) here.
Someone at the New York Metro clearly pays more attention to the New York Times job listings than we do. They spotted an ad for a Personal Assistant to the Chairman of Bad Boy Entertainment. (That would be Puffy “(P.)Diddy” Combs, for those of you playing along at home.) Among the requirement highlights, with our translations:
For those of you who actually want to apply for this job, send resumes and prices for soul-selling to resumes@badboyworldwide.com
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