a blog for the beleaguered
Since we’re in the mood to discuss karma today…Naomi Campbell is known for her terrible treatment of assistants. In fact, she once threw a BlackBerry at one, which resulted in her having to do “community service.”
Now, TMZ reports that Naomi’s precious BlackBerry was stolen at a Led Zeppelin concert in her native England. Seems karma is almost as much of a bitch as Naomi Campbell.
Hello pets,
I just can’t seem to stay away this week. Must be the springtime weather…
Anyway, I’ve been hearing whisperings of this silly new “Lohan’s Law” that is scaring the bejesus out of club owners and underage celebrities in Los Angeles. For those of you unawares, “Lohan’s Law” is the apparent result of Lindsay Lohan et al being granted entry to bars and clubs regardless of their underaged status. I know I’m British and have been swilling spirits legally since I was 16, but I was under the impression that regular citizens and celebrities were obligated to follow the same set of laws.
Regardless, this brings me to an interesting point. If “Lohan’s Law” can scare young celebutards and their ilk so badly, perhaps there is something to be said for enacting laws as a result of celebrity behaviour.
On that note, I’d like to propose “Naomi’s Law” – a law I shall dedicated to my fellow countrywoman, catwalker/scratcher extraordinaire, Naomi Campbell. As you might probably guess, this law shall explicitly forbid verbal and/or psychologicial abuse, as well as the slapping and/or throwing of things at assistants, punishable by denying the offender assistance in the form of a living person for the rest of their days. And I think this law should extend into their twilight years as well – a nice helping of karma would be good for the soul as they contemplate their wicked life and wipe their own geriatric ass.
Who’s with me? Shall we get it on the books, then? Huzzah!
Yours in legal expertise,
SL Clive, Esq.
The upcoming Naomi Campbell reality show The Minion, where Miss Campbell was to choose an unlucky new assistant, has been killed by the cell-phone-thrower herself. Page Six reports that Naomi stopped returning MTV’s phone calls and did a bait-and-switch trick with her management.
We’re not taking the news well. Time to look at that Cabana Dan photo again until we feel better. When your fragile world has collapsed around you, what other options do you have?
Our girl Naomi is constantly confounding me. First, she beats her assistant and gets community service and a TV show. Then she overdresses for the part of janitor, and then she makes an assistant out of a police officer. Seriously. The dude who was supposed to be overseeing her tenure-with-broom was relegated to holding the woman’s purse. If she can’t carry her own purse, I can’t imagine that she actually pushed a broom. Or maybe she was just saving her strength…?
In case you needed yet another reason to love New York, the celebrity justice system has prevailed again, this time in the matter of Naomi Campbell v. The Many Assistants She Beleaguers. In a historic day for assistants everywhere, Naomi Campbell has been sentenced to mopping floors in some craptastic building in the Lower East Side for five days.
Read what the Brits have to say about it: Naomi Campbell to mop floors
Sigh. Where to even begin? How about this little gem:
“It has emerged her punishment will involve cleaning the floors of a sanitation building, starting later this month.”
Alas, there won’t be an orange jumpsuit, but hopefully her vest will have some nice deflectors.
(Lilit, get the camera! We’re going on a field trip.)
Most stars, when they get busted for their bad behavior, go to rehab. What about Naomi Campbell, possibly the worst celeb boss ever? She’s rehabilitating her image by getting a reality show where she looks for a new assistant.
A few thoughts:
1. According to this article, her last six assistants have quit.
2. Is she just doing this because Tyra Banks has a show? We all know Naomi loves a good rivalry.
3. Is the contestant pool for this show going to overlap with the one for Flavor of Love? Because Bootz vs. Naomi would be classic television.
4. If you plan to audition for this show, please call us.
5. Seriously.
6. And bring your camera phone.
Tip of the week: Do not work for Naomi Campbell. Repeat, do not work for Naomi Campbell. We’re serious, y’all. This is the woman who threw a cell phone at her assistant’s head. The pattern should tell you something! It is not worth the small brush with fame.
Fine. Apply. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.
And bring your camera phone.
Naomi Campbell has pleaded guilty to chucking her cell phone at her maid’s head. For those not familiar with the tale, Campbell was pissed because she couldn’t find a pair of jeans that were supposed to be in her upstairs closet (turns out they were allegedly in her downstairs closet, the domain of a whole other maid). While her maid was searching for them in the closet, with her back to Campbell, Campbell lost it and sent the phone sailing across the room, hitting Ana Scolavino in the back of the head.
As a result, Campbell is being sent back to anger management therapy and was slapped with a whopping five hours of community service in Manhattan. That may not sound like much, but just remember Boy George’s trash duty and the humiliation that followed that.
You better believe that if Naomi Campbell has to pick up trash on the streets of New York, STA will be there. With cameras. And maybe stuff to throw. For more details, read this.
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