Normally, I don’t think “jokes” about people abusing assistants are funny, but I have to admit that this Ozzy commercial for a PDA where he plays with the meaning of personal assistant/personal digital assistant is kind of hilarious. I’m going to assume no assistants were actually harmed in the making of this ad.
Tag Archive for 'music'
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Rebecca Loos worked briefly as David Beckham’s assistant, allegedly had an affair with him, and has been milking the publicity ever since. She gave tons of interviews and got in touch with her inner Alli Sims when she released a single called “Your Boyfriend” that she claimed wasn’t about the Beckhams. Now, the surprise isn’t that she’s writing a tell-all book, it’s that it took her so long to do it. After all, she was David’s PA almost six years ago. Since then, she’s become a British reality show fixture, appearing on such esteemed programs as Celebrity Love Island and Extreme Celebrity Detox, and poses topless for lad magazines.
Loos, who is 31 now, is expecting a child. Allegedly, she decided to finally write the book because she wants the money to guarantee financial security for her kid:
“Rebecca has been talking about releasing this book for four years,” the Daily Star quoted a friend as saying.
“She has been teasing the world that she will tell all about her life with David behind Victoria’s back.
“And now that she knows she’s got a little one on the way, Rebecca wants to make sure she and the baby are set for life.
Yeah, good luck with that, Rebecca.
Alli Sims, Britney Spears’ fake cousin and former personal assistant, is doing everything she can to extend her four minutes of pseudo-fame. Let’s recap, shall we?
- August ‘07: Gets subpoenaed to testify for Kevin Federline in Britney’s custody case.
- September ‘08: Organizes “trunk show” in Alabama that basically consists of her selling Britney’s stuff and swag that Alli accumulated during her assistant days.
- October ‘08: Is banned from communicating or spending time with Britney.
- January ‘09: Gets sued over failed reality show venture and is accused of lying about her singing ability and her relationship with Britney.
And now, Alli has a single called “Driving Blind.” Is this a reference to that time Britney got caught driving with her son in her lap instead of in a car seat? I feel like it’s a miracle this single isn’t called “I KNOW BRITNEY SPEARS. SERIOUSLY. WE’RE COUSINS! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!” It’s the little things we have to be grateful for, you know?
The Broadway musical 9 to 5, just like the movie it’s based on, is about employees dealing with a shitty boss. Well, it turns out that the show’s stars didn’t have to reach too far back into their memories to get some emotional recollection. Here are a couple of their worst boss stories:
I worked at this Mexican restaurant when I was in college and there was this manager who was a pompous idiot who thought he was the coolest thing on the face of the planet. He always found ways to truly annoy and criticize you and then he’d go back into his office and do a line of coke.” Best revenge “The head office [of the Mexican restaurant] brought in this new assistant manager to learn the ropes to replace the head manager. And when my boss found that out, he did everything he could to fire me. But the assistant manager came into the office with me and said, ‘You can fire Marc, but the minute he walks out that door, I’m rehiring him.’ So that was it.
- Marc Kudisch (who plays… the boss)
I worked at a talent agency here in New York answering phones. The owner of the agency would scream at me if I didn’t recognize his voice. I was so terrified every time I answered the phone. And if I screwed up, he says, ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?!’ To this day, I’m terrified of answering the phone. I think I was traumatized by that voice.
- Allison Janney (who plays Violet, the Lily Tomlin character)
Plenty of celebrities have taken part in auctions where the item up for grabs is a dinner or other activity with said celebrity. (My favorite: Carly Simon once auctioned off the honor of being told who “You’re So Vain” is about. The guy who won had to sign a non-disclosure agreement.) However, musician Josh Freese has taken it one step further. He’s selling copies of his new album, Since 1972, online with a variety of purchasing options: $7 for a digital download, $15 for the physical CD and a digital download, etc. However, as the price goes up, Josh throws in some interesting stuff with the music: from a phone call with him ($50), washing your car or doing your laundry for you ($1,000), or a private tour of Disneyland for you and a friend ($5,000). However, for the highest available price of $75,000, you can get Josh to join your band for a month or, if you don’t have a band, he’ll be your personal assistant for the same amount of time. If I had 75K lying around, you can bet I’d do it. Even though I didn’t know who Josh Freese was before finding this article, but apparently he used to be the drummer for Nine Inch Nails and is a member of A Perfect Circle. Regardless, he sounds awesome. And good for him for finding a damn creative way to promote his new album.
As a lover of all things trashy reality TV, I think my head may have just exploded from sheer awesomeness. It turns out that Jamie, one of the less-skanky contestants on Rock of Love Bus (please note that “less skanky” is very relative on that show) has a connection to another reality figure – she works as the personal assistant to Constantine Maroulis, the majorly skeevy singer from the fourth season of American Idol. Her ‘official’ title is Assistant/Merch Girl.
For those of you fortunate not to know who Constantine (photo at right) is, he was a finalist on season four of Idol (aka the one where Carrie Underwood won but Bo Bice was totally my favorite contestant). Paula Abdul cried when he got voted off and she, like many other people, found him sexy for some reason I have yet to understand. He is now in some new Broadway musical made up of hair metal songs, or something.
Maybe now that Jamie has made it to the final four on Rock of Love, she’ll be too big of a star to work as an assistant/merch girl anymore. Or – gasp – maybe she’ll get her own assistant!
Dolly Parton is one of my heroes–she’s Southern, she’s hilarious, she has a nonfamous husband, and she’s had her best friend from high school as her assistant since she’s made it big. Also, she’s the author of “9 to 5,” the unofficial STA theme song. Now, Ms. “It Takes a Lot of Money to Look this Cheap” has written music and lyrics for an upcoming “9 to 5″ musical. The show’s doing rehearsals in New York before debuting in Los Angeles, and actress Allison Janney (CJ from The West Wing) will star in the Lily Tomlin role. If you see any news stories about a crazed assistant crashing the NYC rehearsals, that’ll be me.
When I was a kid, lots of teachers played soft classical music in the room while we took tests to calm us down. Many of us can personally attest to the power of music to uplift, energize, soothe, or invoke any other emotion. So why has your boss not caught on?
Dr. Russ Riendau, a behavioral scientist, explains that music releases endorphins and thus makes people feel good. And when employees are happy, they do better work. Here are some ways he suggests incorporating music into the office:
- Mount speakers in the parking lot to begin and end the workday with music. Change the tunes each day or week to reflect different tastes and generations
- Create a “Jam Room” in your facility for all employees. Fill it with instruments of all kinds and some percussion instruments as well
- Hire a band for your next company event
- Replace those old motivational posters with some hip rock ’n’ roll signs
