… well, not really. But it seems so realistic! After all, considering we’re talking about a woman who has an army of assistants and made one of them plan her wedding here, the fetus will probably have its own legion of nannies. Hello Kitty shaped ones, perhaps.
Tag Archive for 'mariah carey'
I already knew that Mariah Carey had a whole gaggle of assistants, but I feel like I learn something new about them all the time. For example, I already knew that she had assistants whose duties were to carry breast tape, hold her straws, and plan her wedding, but that’s not even half her entourage. The Sydney Morning Herald has a profile of Mariah’s posse, which includes:
- There’s an assistant whose job is to carry around sanitary wipes to dispense to Mariah anytime she touches anything or shakes hands with anyone.
- Several staffers were put in charge of decorating Mariah’s hotel room in Cannes with Hello Kitty decor (to “help her feel at home”) and to make sure the refrigerator contained only the items she’s allowed to eat on her very strict diet (olives, nuts, and white wine, in case you’re curious).
- One of the assistants is tasked with telling Mariah “You are looking beautiful today” every day as soon as she wakes up and then several times after.
Also, this has nothing to do with assistants, but Mariah wears Bambi pajamas to bed. While the author of this article clearly finds Mariah’s divaness both excessive and tacky he admits that her assistants seem to genuinely like her. I find it hard to believe anyone could like a person whose cleavage they are required to tape up, but hey, to each his or her own.
It’s not a surprise to anyone that Mariah Carey is a diva. We know that the pampered star travels with an entourage that includes at least nine assistants. We know one assistant had to plan her wedding, one carries around hair curlers, and one’s only job is to carry around breast tape. Today’s Daily Mirror reports that Mimi has an assistant who gets paid to stand around holding a drink with a straw in it so she can drink without smudging her lipstick.
I wonder how much you can get paid to be Mariah Carey’s drink holder? Sadly, it’s probably more than I make. By a lot. And is there a hierarchy within Mimi’s entourage? Like, do you get promoted from breast tape holder to drink holder? Is there a seniority system? Enquiring minds want to know.
In case you’ve been on vacation in Turkmenistan the last week or so, you probably heard that Mariah “Mimi” Carey and Nick Cannon got married last week. While most media outlets were taken by surprise and assumed the wedding was unplanned, there are now rumors that the whole thing was well-organized and also kept a secret. Perez Hilton reports that Mariah’s assistant flew out to the Bahamas a week ahead of time in order to help plan the wedding. I call bullshit on Mariah only having one assistant. Which one of the entourage was sent to plan the wedding, leaving the other eight to sort shoes and carry breast tape?
Also, did she get paid extra for her wedding-planning duties, or is that all in a day’s work for Team Carey? Someone really needs a primer on the combo job.
We have been pretty unabashed about our love for Kenneth, the NBC page played by Jack McBrayer on NBC’s “30 Rock.” Guess we’re not the only ones. The one and only Mariah Carey hired Jack to appear–in character–in her new music video for “Touch My Body.”
Gone are the days of a celebrity having one full time assistant. Now, as celebrity lives get more and more insane (and more micromanaged), they have a bevy of assistants to help with all kinds of ridiculous tasks. Need an eyebrow waxer to follow you everywhere in case of… eyebrow emergencies? Mariah Carey has an assistant who does nothing but carry around breast tape in case she’s veering into wardrobe malfunction territory. Diddy used to have a dude who carried around his umbrella for him. If celebrities can think of another stupid reason to add another body to their entourage, they’ll do it.
What shocks us isn’t that celebrities have more and more specialized helpers surrounding them. The shock is that news outlets either didn’t know this already, or assume it’s news to us.
Blender magazine reports that Mariah Carey showed up to the VH1 Save the Music 10th anniversary party with nine–you read that right, nine–assistants in tow. Why in the world could anybody need nine assistants when even Diddy doesn’t need that many? According to Blender, one of the assistants sported a belt of brushes and hairspray, one carried hot rollers, and one seemed to have only one duty–supplying Mariah with a steady stream of breast tape. Maybe to save money, she could cut the last assistant and start wearing dresses that actually cover her tits? Just a suggestion.
Also, how does “Mariah Carey’s Curling Assistant” look on a resume? What kind of job do you apply for after that? If it’s “author of tell-all book,” we’re interested.
OK, so they’re not exactly made of paper, but we’re hooked on these cute celebrity dolls from Cartoon Doll Emporium. After all, who hasn’t wanted to get Mariah Carey to wear some damn clothes already?
You can start with future assistant J.Hud or our personal favorite, Oprah. (Her accessories include a magazine with a picture of herself on the cover, a ribbon to cut, and a small African child.)
