Dina Lohan, who lied about being a Rockette and is only famous for being Lindsay Lohan’s enabler–I mean, mother, was spotted bitching out her assistant at baggage claim at New York’s JFK airport. TMZ reports:
TMZ spies caught Lindsay’s mommie dearest going ballistic on her assistant at JFK baggage claim last week. Our source tells us Dina — who was flying back from LAX with her middle-aged teen daughter Ali — was screaming at the assistant for forgetting her bag and yelled, “You must have left your brain on the flight. You’re my assistant and that’s my bag. You should know this!” It’s safe to say you won’t be seeing that on “White Oprah’s” reality show.
The real question here, folks, is not “why is Dina Lohan such a miserable excuse for a human being?” but “why does Dina Lohan have an assistant?” Did Lindsay’s assistant-related experiences teach her nothing?
You can count on Lindsay Lohan for one thing: the girl is never boring. Whether she’s getting busted for drugs, feuding with her dad, or making out with random Italian dudes, she’s always great tabloid fodder without the shameful/sad factor Britney has. Now, Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend, snowboarder Riley Giles (who she met in rehab) is making a quick buck by selling stories about her and naked photos of her to various tabloids. Here’s our favorite story (because it’s about an assistant, of course!), from the UK’s News of the World.
Riley is convinced Lindsay is determined to stay off drugs. And he revealed how she confessed she is haunted by a horrifying near-death experience.
He said: “She was in a London hotel and had been out partying all night and taking drugs. Back in her room she downed a load of Xanax anti-depressants and alcohol to mellow her out. She started running a bath, climbed in and before she knew it she’d passed out.
“As the bath overflowed she was totally unconscious and it was only because her assistant ran in and saved her that she didn’t drown. Lindsay said that was a terrifying wake-up call and showed her just how close she was to losing her life through drugs.”
See, celebrities? Your assistants are worth their weight in gold.
We here at STA are just exhausted – EXHAUSTED – from all this crazy celebrity assistant news that’s been flying around. First La Lohan fires and chases down (allegedly) her second assistant, and now Britney Spears has fired her only assistant after about three weeks (hey, she lasted longer than most probably would). And this is within the same month that she fired her own cousin. Dios mio! We think it’s time that assistants put some serious thought into unionizing.
For more on the story, plus squigglies a la Perez (sorry), click here.
We decided to amuse ourselves by compiling a (semi)fictional list of tasks a Brit-Brit assistant might be asked to do:
- Clean up after dogs
- When Mama Spears calls tell her Britney’s not there (even though she totally is)
- Plant mean stories about K.Fed in Page Six
- When Page Six stops taking your calls, plant mean stories about K.Fed in In Touch
- Hire new publicist
- Fire new publicist
- Change Jayden’s diaper
- Hire new nanny
- Fire new nanny
- Promise Britney that her new single is going to be totally super awesome
- Call Justin Timberlake from your personal cell, since he hasn’t blocked that number yet
- Raid Rite-Aid’s bargain bin for new makeup
- Keep Cheetos pantry fully stocked
- Interview new potential assistants
The ongoing Lindsay-assistant-drama has taken a new turn. TMZ reported yesterday that Lindsay’s assistant, Jenni Muro, had quit and called her mom to pick her up. Today, Us Weekly clarifies the situation: the one who quit was Lindsay’s second assistant, Tarin.
But that’s not all. Tarin and her mom were in the car that Lindsay was reportedly following when she got arrested. According to Us Weekly:
Police found Lohan arguing with the mother of her former assistant, Tarin, in the parking lot of Santa Monica’s Civic Auditorium.
Tarin, we hope you at least managed to get some really good swag out of the situation. And have you considered the Witness Protection Program?
TMZ, in its ever-vigilant Lindsay Lohan coverage, is now reporting that Lindsay’s personal assistant, Jenni Muro, quit her job just hours before Lindsay was arrested for a DUI. From the article:
According to police, Lohan’s assistant quit just hours before Lohan was popped for DUI, and when the assistant’s mother came to pick her up, Lindsay gave chase. We’re told the assistant’s mother called the police, warning them that Lindsay was hot on their tail, and that she was headed for the nearest police station.
No word on the ex-assistant’s name, but we’re sure she endured a lot of misery. After all, we remember what happened when a past Lindsay assistant defected to work for Jessica Biel, don’t we?
True story: when I quit my nightmare assistant job, my boss told me I’d regret it and someday come to realize he was the best boss I’d ever have. I wonder if poor Lindsay Ratowsky had the same experience when she left her job as personal assistant to Lindsay Lohan. Last week Page Six reported that Lindsay R. had gone to work for Jessica Biel. I’d imagine Biel is a much better boss, since she doesn’t feud with Paris Hilton or get photographed minus panties. But Miss Lohan apparently doesn’t take rejection well. Check out the full story on the Us Weekly Blog.
