Tag Archive for 'job ads'

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assistant jobs available…in dubai

Published on April 15, 2009 in Assistants in the News. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Here’s why I live in New York and not Dubai: NYC responds to high numbers of layoffs with an Unemployment Olympics; Dubai responds to the same issue by organizing a physical fitness boot camp. One involves running around a park in the East Village playing games, one involves being awake and active at 10 AM. No-brainer.

Inspiration came to the 26-year-old Alex Light when he lost his job. But the voice in the back of his head did not tell him to create a masterpiece of modern art or a seminal album, but to try to help others in his predicament. He is the man behind Bad Times Boot Camp, which takes place at Dubai’s Jumeirah Beach at 10.00am three times a week. It is free to anyone who wants to get fit, but as the operating hours suggest, it is aimed at the unemployed.

I know exercise is supposed to boost your serotonin and make you happy or whatever, but the way this Alex Light person talks he sounds like an aspiring Tony Robbins who convinces you that your unemployed state is the result of your own physical and mental weaknesses, not the result of, say, your company losing money. I’m glad he found a positive way to improve his outlook, but his message is a bit preachy for me. That said, aspiring assistants in Dubai should not lose hope. Take heart in the story of one young assistant named Brie:

Brie Lakeman, a 26-year-old personal assistant, left her native Australia last month to look for work in Dubai. “It appears that I’m OK,” she says. “There seems to be a plethora of personal assistant jobs out here. There are not as many as there used to be, but quite a few and they are still hiring.” She also plans to pass on contacts to her boot camp alumni after securing work.

You hear that, everyone? Pack your bags and get to the UAE! I’d come, but I have some really important couch-sitting to do later.

can you find a job on twitter?

Published on March 31, 2009 in Survival Guide. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

If you’re unemployed, it seems far more fun to sit around all day constantly updating Twitter than scouring the job ads yet again. Well, Mashable (the folks behind Twitter) wants you to be able to do both at once. Check out their tips for using microblogging as a way to find a job:

  • Write about your job search. Some people who follow you may not know you personally and therefore might not know that you’re looking for work. Updating your followers about your job search might encourage someone to send you a link or connect you to a person they know, and every little bit counts.
  • Include a link to your bio/resume/LinkedIn page on your Twitter profile.
  • Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want a job recruiter or potential boss to see. If you’re applying for a job, most employers know they have to Google you. Remember that if they find your Twitter, they’re going to go through it, so you might want to reconsider liveblogging your bikini wax or using Twitter to talk shit about your ex.
  • Use a picture of yourself as your avatar. That way people will know it’s your actual Twitter.
  • Consider getting a second account. If you simply can’t resist using Twitter to update people about your sex life or how much you love Rock of Love, maybe you should get a second friends-only account that requires people who want to follow you to ask permission.

woman seeks job…for husband

Published on March 16, 2009 in Junk Drawer. 0 Comments Tags: , .

People have started coming up with creative ways to get hired – whether it’s a billboard, taking out ads in the newspaper, or whatever else. Although starting a website isn’t the most original thing in the world, one site is taking a new spin on it. A woman in San Francisco started a website trying to get her husband a job. From the homepage:

This site was born out of frustration with the job market. My husband graduated in 2008 with an MBA from Georgetown. After Mike finished his MBA, we moved back to California to be closer to family. We both had high expectations for his career and our life after business school. However, those expectations quickly changed as we were faced with this horrible economy. After almost ten months of watching my wonderful husband work tirelessly to find a job, I decided to take matters into my own hands and help him stand out in a sea of unemployed.

I can’t decide how I feel about this site. On one hand, I think people should be willing to do something unconventional in order to stand out, but there’s something about this site that kind of weirds me out. While I think it’s sweet that a wife believes so strongly in her husband that she wants him to find a job and is willing to do what she can in order to help him, it just feels strange that the whole thing talks about him in the third person. What does her husband think about the site? Does he find it romantic … or emasculating? Will he be happy at a job that is found for him by his wife or will he resent it because he couldn’t get the job himself? And… is she working? If so, what else is she doing besides creating a website? In a recent CNN article about the site, Robin (the wife) “declined to discuss her job because she wants to focus on her husband’s job search.” Uh huh.

Also, because I’m a grammar nerd and I had to say something, the last sentence of that paragraph makes me crazy. There needs to be another word at the end of that. “Stand out in a sea of unemployed what“?

analyzing the job posting

Published on December 28, 2007 in Blind Items and Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

How do you break into the exciting world of being a celebrity assistant? Well, reading the classifieds is a good start.

This ad is absolutely priceless. The opening sentence is “A busy, high profile, very down to earth Celebrity Musician/Actor in the Entertainment Industry seeks Personal Assistant.” Down to earth, you say? Well, then, why might the next sentence be “This position requires someone who is discreet and mature that has a full understanding of what it takes to be a Personal Assistant to a very busy Celebrity.” [Dear person who wrote this ad, "Celebrity" is not actually a job title and therefore does not need to be capitalized.]

The ad is massive and has a week’s worth of bullet points under “qualifications.” Here are some of the highlights.

• Handles re-routed personal phone calls for ARTIST as directed.
• Stores all contact numbers immediately upon receiving them in Blackberry/Treo and cell phone (items provided) ALWAYS.
• Handle light administrative tasks including faxing, sending and receiving packages, downloading music, going over e-mails with the Artist and printing out documents for signature as directed by Management.
• Updates calendar daily/weekly with new schedule and frequent changes.
• Able to handle Artist travel arrangements (air, hotel and ground) via in-house Travel Agent and outside Vendors as necessary.
• Must travel with laptop and portable printer (items provided) at all times.
• Handles daily personal needs for Artist including all meals, personal shopping, packing for travel, etc.
• Must make sure that both LA and New York Households are maintained and well prepared to receive Artist at all times. Housekeeper is provided.
• Run all errands as requested.
• Make sure Artist has meals readily available at all times.
• Prepare Artist for pre and post performances including; pre-performance rituals (packing after show wardrobe), dressing room preparations (candles, incense and tea), and standing side-stage during entire performance each night with Artist needs (towels, water, tea). Help Artist to change performance wardrobe as necessary.
• Carry all show necessities in “show bag,” i.e., towels, change of clothes, toiletries.
• Comfortable with coordinating wardrobe “looks” for daily wear, routine performances and travel. Will assist STYLIST for media appearances, interviews, award shows, etc.

Downloading music is a ‘light administrative task’? And why are Travel Agent, Artist, and Vendor capitalized but STYLIST in all caps?

This ad is hilarious…and pretty standard. Anyone who thinks being a celebrity assistant is a glamorous job should be forced to read over the entire thing a couple of times so that they know what kind of crap they’re getting themselves into. You can enjoy the whole wretched fiasco here.

Oh, and anyone want to take a stab at who the lucky assistant-seeker might be?

danny bonaduce seeks assistant

Published on August 28, 2007 in Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

The forum posters on Television Without Pity refer to redheaded, ‘roided up former child star Danny Bonaduce as “Danny Bonadouchey,” and they have good reason to do so. When Danny’s not whining about how hard it is to be famous, he’s treating ex-wife Gretchen like garbage and going on yet another drug-and-alcohol binge. Bonadouchey is now looking for an assistant. The entire hilarious TMZ post is below:

America’s favorite redheaded train wreck — no, not Carrot Top, but Danny Bonaduce– is looking for a new assistant to keep him in line! Apparently, his last girl Friday, a 25-year-old teacher who Danny happened to be dating, had a “family emergency” and had to leave her, ahem, prominent position with the former Partridge.

Danny is looking for a female helper. “She does not have to be attractive, beautiful or sexually stimulating in any way. She does, however, have to be capable of playing a drunken woman.” Danny’s new sidekick will be part of his stage act — walking on stage and giving him a hard time. And get this — Gretchen, Danny’s ex wife, is willing to teach the new girl how to play the role!

So if you’re a female, ugly or pretty, young or old, and have experience as a drunk — your dream job is waiting!

You hear that, everyone? Jobs worse than yours do exist!

job alert: diddy wants you

Published on July 30, 2007 in Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

We know you’re really angling for that Britney Spears gig, but just in case that doesn’t work out, you might want to consider brushing up on your web casting skillz because Diddy Combs has put the word out that he needs a new assistant:

“Eschewing written resumes Combs has turned to video sharing Web site YouTube to recruit his next personal assistant, saying only people with a burning passion to get into the rap world need apply — and he’s received over 10,000 inquiries.”

What happened to Farnsworth Bentley? We loved him. He was like the Dita von Teese of assistants with his fancy umbrella-holding and kicky little neckerchiefs.

Anyway, what are the necessary skills for being Diddy’s assistant? Well, according to Diddy, “You gotta know how to read, you gotta know how to write… you gotta know how to count.”

For more information, check out the latest Youtube video from the man who allegedly doesn’t write rhymes (but he writes checks – big ones, we imagine) here.

job alert: deranged pop star seeks new bitch

Published on July 26, 2007 in Assistants in the News and Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

We here at STA are just exhausted – EXHAUSTED – from all this crazy celebrity assistant news that’s been flying around. First La Lohan fires and chases down (allegedly) her second assistant, and now Britney Spears has fired her only assistant after about three weeks (hey, she lasted longer than most probably would). And this is within the same month that she fired her own cousin. Dios mio! We think it’s time that assistants put some serious thought into unionizing.

For more on the story, plus squigglies a la Perez (sorry), click here.

We decided to amuse ourselves by compiling a (semi)fictional list of tasks a Brit-Brit assistant might be asked to do:

  • Clean up after dogs
  • When Mama Spears calls tell her Britney’s not there (even though she totally is)
  • Plant mean stories about K.Fed in Page Six
  • When Page Six stops taking your calls, plant mean stories about K.Fed in In Touch
  • Hire new publicist
  • Fire new publicist
  • Change Jayden’s diaper
  • Hire new nanny
  • Fire new nanny
  • Promise Britney that her new single is going to be totally super awesome
  • Call Justin Timberlake from your personal cell, since he hasn’t blocked that number yet
  • Raid Rite-Aid’s bargain bin for new makeup
  • Keep Cheetos pantry fully stocked
  • Interview new potential assistants

celebrity assistant soapbox: sell your soul to (p.)diddy

Published on April 20, 2007 in Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Someone at the New York Metro clearly pays more attention to the New York Times job listings than we do. They spotted an ad for a Personal Assistant to the Chairman of Bad Boy Entertainment. (That would be Puffy “(P.)Diddy” Combs, for those of you playing along at home.) Among the requirement highlights, with our translations:

  • Be accessible on weekends and evenings to handle ongoing activities.
    Translation: Remember that “Making the Band” episode where I made them walk to Brooklyn to get me my favorite cheesecake, and then changed my mind? Think worse than that.
  • Ensure that all personal aspects of Chairman’s life are covered.
    Translation: Have you ever wiped an ass other than your own?
  • Serve as personal liaison between Chairman and his family.
    Translation: You are totally going to have to lie to my baby’s mama about my whereabouts, and then call Page Six to deny I ever hooked up with Sienna Miller.
  • Pack clothing selection for business and personal trips.
    Translation: Ever since Farnsworth quit, I’ve been needing a new umbrella-carrier.
  • This is a TRUE on-call 24/7 position.
    Translation: At least he’s honest.

For those of you who actually want to apply for this job, send resumes and prices for soul-selling to resumes@badboyworldwide.com

celebrity assistant lookout: kimora lee simmons

Published on April 2, 2007 in Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Today’s New York Daily News reports that Kimora Lee “Baby Phat” Simmons is on the hunt for an assistant. But there’s more- this assistant won’t just be fetching coffee and fielding phone calls, he or she will also be appearing on Kimora’s upcoming reality show.

Unlike some people, Kimora doesn’t have a reputation for belittling assistants or physically assaulting them. That said, you never know. Here’s the item:

If you’re “an energetic, smart, ambitious woman in her early 20s who is interested in the fashion industry,” then you can be Kimora Lee Simmons‘ new assistant – and appear on her reality show. Be prepared to answer the following questions: How would friends describe your personality? What celebrity’s style do you most admire? How would you describe your personal style? That’s what they asked us, anyway, when we secretly applied.

Sadly, the piece does not include a link to an application or Kimora’s publicist. Anyone have more information?

tip of the week: some words of wisdom for you bastards who didn’t get the job

Published on February 2, 2007 in Tip of the Week. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

The CEO of Mediabistro.com, Laurel Touby, recently had to fill an assistant-ish position at her company. After poring over emails, she graciously decided to impart some words of wisdom to the hundreds of people who didn’t get the job. Read below for her email (and, of course, our translation notes).

Hi there!

Some good news and some bad news.

I got a really great response from the Executive Assistant/Office Manager/Light Reception* ad I ran on mediabistro.com…

*This title/position/enslavement probably means that the poor sod who gets it will be running around the office all day making sure the copier has enough toner, the delivery guy at the front door isn’t leaning on the buzzer for more than five minutes, and lunch reservations for an exec have been double-confirmed. Word of advice: wear comfortable shoes. (And call us.)

…Many of you wrote me enthusiastic, ingenious and downright wonderful letters. I appreciate the hard work that went into those (you know who you are*)…

*She doesn’t know who you are.

…However, I’m sorry to say you didn’t make it to the final short-list. Since I had the opportunity to read through over 200 cover letters and resumes, I thought it might be helpful for me to point out some do’s and don’ts for future reference.

Awesome! Do’s and don’t’s are always helpful and fun to read. Let’s take a look at some of them.

–Do: Be enthusiastic and upbeat without being goofy in your letter. There is a fine line.

Yes, there is, and it’s often determined by the mood of the person reading the email. Best to err on the side of caution.

–Do: Pay attention to the INSTRUCTIONS for the job listing. Too many of you sent attachments when it was quite clear they would not be accepted.

She’s right here, and this is actually a pretty common mistake. The quickest way to get yourself disqualified from the running is not reading instructions. Taking this a step further, people usually apply for a ton of jobs at once – anything they can get their grubby little hands on, especially in the beginning of the hunt – so they overwhelm themselves and end up making these kinds of mistakes (along with misspelling names, sending emails to the wrong company, and other acts of metaphorically shooting themselves in the foot). Choose the jobs you’re applying for based on your level of interest rather than your level of desperation.

–Do: Use a professional email address. “Hipster101″ and “IslandChica” are not cute and hip. Again, poor judgement.

And in this age of The Googles, you might want to modify that drunken, gaysted picture of you on Myspace. Or at least set your profile to private.

And now let’s look at some “don’t’s”.

–Don’t: Send anything without triple-checking spelling. I received these variations on my name and the name of the company…

Yes, bad form indeed. Spell-check should be your BFF, damn it. And seriously, you need to spell names correctly.

–Don’t: Lead with your education; instead, lead with your experience.

This also goes with “don’t be a douche” by getting all fussy about your bazillion-dollar Ivy League education. It won’t buy you a job, but your experience as an intern or assistant will definitely get you in the door. Unless you don’t read the application instructions, dumb ass.

Full letter via Gawker here.