Jenni Muro, Lindsay Lohan’s long-suffering assistant/manager (who reportedly finally quit this year) has been through a lot: she was there the night that Lindsay’s second assistant quit and LiLo went on a high-speed pursuit, and she once saved her boss from drowning in an overflowing bathtub. Really, the woman should be getting combat pay.
Now, though, another member of the Lohan family is making Jenni’s life miserable - Lindsay’s famewhore dad, Michael. Michael, who claims to want to help his drug-addled daughter but is happy to collect money from tabloid programs in the meantime, released a voicemail that Jenni left him. In the message, Jenni says, “I get a 5% commission on this entire TV show and it’s sick and disgusting and I’m here and I give up my boyfriend and my dog and my parents and my new place in LA and everything so that your daughter doesn’t kill herself, ok?”
Yikes. TMZ reports that Jenni plans to send Michael a cease and desist letter and might potentially sue.
Lindsay Lohan, assistants, and cars are a pretty bad combination. First, Lindsay got a DUI when she was in her car trying to chase down former assistant Tarin when she quit suddently - that incident brought us a whole wave of joyous things, including Lindsay’s mugshot and claiming that she was wearing someone else’s coke-in-the-pockets jeans. Now, Lindsay’s assistant (she wasn’t named in the article, but I assume it’s longsuffering PA Jenni Muro, who reportedly once rescued her boss from drowning in a bathtub) has apparently ran LiLo’s brand new Maserati into a parked car. The car, which Lindsay bought after finally getting her driver’s license back, cost $100,000. Repairing that will probably cost more than Jenni makes in a year.
You can count on Lindsay Lohan for one thing: the girl is never boring. Whether she’s getting busted for drugs, feuding with her dad, or making out with random Italian dudes, she’s always great tabloid fodder without the shameful/sad factor Britney has. Now, Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend, snowboarder Riley Giles (who she met in rehab) is making a quick buck by selling stories about her and naked photos of her to various tabloids. Here’s our favorite story (because it’s about an assistant, of course!), from the UK’s News of the World.
Riley is convinced Lindsay is determined to stay off drugs. And he revealed how she confessed she is haunted by a horrifying near-death experience.
He said: “She was in a London hotel and had been out partying all night and taking drugs. Back in her room she downed a load of Xanax anti-depressants and alcohol to mellow her out. She started running a bath, climbed in and before she knew it she’d passed out.
“As the bath overflowed she was totally unconscious and it was only because her assistant ran in and saved her that she didn’t drown. Lindsay said that was a terrifying wake-up call and showed her just how close she was to losing her life through drugs.”
See, celebrities? Your assistants are worth their weight in gold.
The ongoing Lindsay-assistant-drama has taken a new turn. TMZ reported yesterday that Lindsay’s assistant, Jenni Muro, had quit and called her mom to pick her up. Today, Us Weekly clarifies the situation: the one who quit was Lindsay’s second assistant, Tarin.
But that’s not all. Tarin and her mom were in the car that Lindsay was reportedly following when she got arrested. According to Us Weekly:
Police found Lohan arguing with the mother of her former assistant, Tarin, in the parking lot of Santa Monica’s Civic Auditorium.
Tarin, we hope you at least managed to get some really good swag out of the situation. And have you considered the Witness Protection Program?