Sorry it’s a day late, but we couldn’t pass up a chance to share this video of Office Space reenacted with those adorably gooey marshmallow Peeps.
Tag Archive for 'Holidays'
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Even though mythical creatures don’t really have anything to do with St. Patrick’s Day, all this talk of leprechauns sparked an idea. Our Bossary seems to be pretty popular, so we thought we’d change it up a bit today. We all know you poor assistants out there are the fairy princesses trapped in black towers of death, so the question is, which monster is holding you captive?
Banshee: Let’s face it: most bosses have a bit o’ the banshee in them. Their wailing makes your blood run cold, not only because it sounds so god-awful, but because you know it heralds doom. Usually your doom.
Evil Troll: This fellow lives in a corner office rather than under a bridge, but he will still probably eat a baby if given the opportunity. In addition to his hefty toll of babies and souls, the evil troll will demand service that seems likely to last for an eternity. You’ll find yourself in a long, drawn-out, carrot-dangling journey through the seven levels of hell as you search for that one piece of golden thread that might set you free. If you find it, the evil troll will just say it’s his and then demand more babies.
Cerberus: Cerberus wasn’t so bad on his own. But he’s the guardian of the gates of hell. Many middle managers aren’t bad people until they’re given a tiny bit of access to power, and suddenly they turn into three-headed demons who think that their closeness to power makes them more badass than they are.
Cyclops: Big, dumb and lacking perspective, the cyclops destroys everything you’ve worked for with one clumsy gesture. You’re smarter than the cyclops, but he’s meaner. But there is hope: while brute strength counts for a lot, you’re younger and more agile. And you have two eyes. Use them to your advantage.
Harpy: Relentless and mean, the harpy swoops in when you least expect it and hounds you until you do whatever it is that she wants. In the typically gender-biased realm of mythical creature sociology, harpies are female. But after running this site for so long, we can assure you that relentless badgering is done equally by male and female bosses.
Succubus/Incubus: The most dreaded boss of all – they seduce you just to suck the soul out of you. Often found prowling the cubicles for fresh meat, these creatures will ravage you when you least expect it.
(Don’t worry – Cabana Dan will be your knight in shining mankini. And he’ll ride in on a unicorn.)
…or as we like to call it, Happy Day After Valentine’s 50 Percent Off All Candy Day!
This is the time to raid the local drugstore, then stash all the goodies in your office. Pretend it’s almost winter and you’re a bear preparing for hibernation.
ABC.com has some super cute e-Valentines with characters from their shows Lost, Grey’s Anatomy, and Ugly Betty on them. They’re adorable and don’t need stamps. Check out a great workplace-themed one STA reader Sherry sent us here.
This is a cliche that originated on the website Fark.com a few years ago. “Hot cocoa sampler box” is basically any lame or generic gift you get as a present from your company. In many cases, it is a hot cocoa sampler box. Other lame corporate gifts include mugs, hats, keychains or any other mass-produced item with the company logo on it. You get the idea. And if you’re on the recieving end of a hot cocoa sampler box-type gift, feel free to tell us about it. With photographic evidence, if you’d like.
Holiday season doesn’t just mean crazy moms stabbing each other at the shopping mall, it also means fun and silly internet distractions. This year we’re enjoying Elf Yourself, where you can, well, see yourself as an elf. This is also an excellent opportunity to dig up those old photos of your ex and see what he would look like with a green elf hat on.
It being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all, we thought, “hmm… well, this could be an annoying way to even the score with your boss.” To that end, we’ve compiled this brief list of scenarios you might encounter today and how to handle them – like a pirate.
Scenario #1:
Boss: Why are you late?
You: Me ship hit a nasty keel on the way to port las’ night an’ I din’t get to rest me head until the wee hours.
Scenario #2:
Boss: Fetch me some coffee.
You: Arr, me stumpy leg is killin’ me from walkin’ all over the office fer ye. I believe I shall commit mutiny!
Scenario #3:
Boss: (Phone rings) If that’s my wife/kid/whoever on the line, I’m not here.
You: (Answering phone) Arr, sorry to tell ye but yer ol’ man would rather walk a plank than talk to ye.
Scenario #4:
Boss: Here’s your paycheck.
You: Such a small amount of booty fer such back-breakin’ work, ye tight-fisted scalawag!
Scenario #5:
Boss: I’ve had enough of this pirate crap. You’re fired.
You: Shivver me timbers! Now I can collect me some o’ that thar unemployment. Arr!
(Alternatively, if you’re shy or not into the pirate thing, you can just tell everyone to “shove off”.)
I think it’s pretty clear how much we love both the show and the character Ugly Betty, played beautifully by Ms. America Ferrera. Because we were certainly not perfect assistants in our day, we also love the prissy sycophant Marc (Michael Urie) and bitchy receptionist Amanda (Becki Newton). Last night’s episode of the show centered around an Administrative Professionals’ Day party for all the Mode assistants at a Medieval Times-style theme restaurant. Lessons learned from this episode:
- Henry is the perfectest pretend TV boyfriend ever
- You should not plan an Admin Professionals Day party at a place where one of the admins was previously employed
- It was changed from Secretaries Day to Admin Professionals Day in 1998
- An acceptable present for your assistant: first class tickets to Mexico for her entire family
- Bosses should not call their assistants during the party, especially to make them do work
- It is not only permissible to get drunk during said party, it is encouraged
- Henry is the perfectest nerdiest glasses-wearing hot TV boyfriend ever
Um, anyway. That’s how you know this is just a TV show: the assistant wins in the end. Ah well. They call it escapism for a reason.
