The best way to apologize for sending too many emails is … to send out an email apologizing for the emails. – Consumerist
Need to hate someone? I’d suggest tossing some ire in the direction of these Wall Street types who know that even if they fuck up they’ll still get massive bonuses. – Business Insider
If you are Bill Maher’s assistant, one of your responsibilities will be taking back his girlfriend’s car after they break up. – Crazy Days and Nights
Though this list of 25 Guys to Avoid on Wall Street is aimed at people in the business world, it also doubles as a guide to who not to date. – CNBC
A man got fired for … wait for it … working too much. To be fair, that meant he was taking on side jobs while on the clock, but still. – News.com.au
Being smart is good. But being easy to get along with in the workplace is way more important. Here’s why. – Wall Street Journal
Meredith Koop has gotten promoted from Michelle Obama’s personal assistant to her personal shopper. Upgrade! – Washington Post
You should kick ass at your career because it makes you happy and brings in money. Oh, and because guys find “powerful women” hot. – Cosmopolitan
This month’s Cosmo has a great work horror story:
I really hated my last job. They treated me like crap, and I was so fed up that I actually searched for openings while at work. One day, I saw a posting that looked promising. It had an anonymous email address to send a resume to, and I didn’t think twice about applying. An hour later, I was fired on the spot. Turns out, I had applied to my current employer, and since it was anonymous, I had no clue. They asked me to leave the office immediately.
See, people, this is why I hate anonymous job postings. I always assume they’re traps.
Once upon a time, there was a girl we’ll call Jodi. Jodi interviewed for a job at Company A and one at Company B. Luckily, she got offered both positions. She accepted Company B’s offer and then emailed Company A to let them know. Here’s Jodi’s email:
Dear [Male Exec] and [Female Exec],
Thank you again for the opportunity for the position at [Company A].
However, another opportunity has come along for me within my field of
study, and I have decided to accept it. Thank you again.
Sincerely,
[Jodi]
And here’s the response she got:
[Jodi],
I am literally speechless! This is totally unprofessional and
demonstrates a lack of personal integrity.
Disappointed and disgusted,
[Male Exec]
Um, what exactly is wrong with Jodi’s email? She was professional and polite. Sometimes people interview for more than one job, male exec. Get over yourself.
Hell hath no fury like a woman cheated on, particularly when the woman in question is a beautiful actress with access to your work contact list. Actress Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon found out that her husband, CAA agent Mike Nilon, had been keeping a mistress for the last five years. Rather than try to kill him, she got a much sweeter revenge: she sent an angry email outing her cheating husband to every single agent at CAA. One of them, in turn, forwarded the email to the New York Post.
The e-mail says,”I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!”
That is harsh. And AWESOME.
I hereby apologize for not being able to resist that headline.
Employees at a pizza-making plant in Ireland recently landed themselves in hot water after viewing porn at work. However, the workers argue that their firings weren’t about porn as much as they were about revenge. They and other members of their union are now planning a protest at the factory, which is located in County Kildare.
The company said three workers lost their jobs after viewing “adult material” and breaching the company’s internet policy. But their union claims they are being scapegoated.
“One of our members received an email from outside the plant and was essentially dismissed for receiving an email,” said TEEU general secretary designate, Eamon Devoy.
Over 40 workers went on strike last month after the workers lost their jobs.
The TEEU said the sackings were linked to a separate incident when the company sent a confidential file about seven redundancies to a worker by mistake.
Sounds suspicious to me, all right. Although perhaps this is a good time to remind everyone to keep their porn-viewing habits confined to the comfort of your own bedrooms.
While the internet is kind of like the Wild West in terms of what’s allowed and what’s not, there is one rule I think everyone can agree on: don’t use all caps. IT LOOKS LIKE YELLING. Anyway, one company decided not only to take a firm stance against all-caps, but to show no mercy to people who wrote that way. Vicki Walker, an employee of ProCare Health in New Zealand, was let go from her job after sending out an all-staff email written with the caps lock key on.
Walker sued ProCare for wrongful dismissal, and won, getting a settlement. Though her email annoyed coworkers, she pointed out that ProCare did not have an approved company style guide. Even though her all-caps bothered people, there was no specific protocol on how emails were supposed to look. I’m sure that was ProCare’s #1 agenda item as soon as the lawsuit ended.
Do you think an all-caps email is a good reason to fire someone? I’d say no, but five or six in a row from the same person might convince me otherwise.
The first time I had to write a professional work email and sign my boss’ name to it instead of my own, I was totally flummoxed. There was this particular art to that “corporatespeak” voice, and I couldn’t quite get it right. For those of you in similar situations, here are a couple of useful tips:
- Talk in the royal “we.” It helps you to think about the company being one large voice/brain and reminds you not to be personal.
- Use initials for everyone, no matter what. Why say that Joe Green and Frank Myers are having lunch tomorrow when you can say that JG and FM are having lunch tomorrow? Using any kind of code or shorthand is a good way to make people feel like they’re ‘in the know,’ plus you sound more efficient.
- Use at least two cliches for each short email and more for longer emails. Good, common ones include “at the end of the day,” “all hands on deck,” “team player(s),” and “outside of the box.”
The African prince spam email is such a well-known one that by this point I almost chuckle at the sight of one in my inbox. However, the recession is causing spammers to get creative – if people don’t have money, then what else can you extract from them? Easy – offer a job. ITWorld’s Cara Garrison reports on one recent spam email she got:
The letter is from Jacob Dube, who says he’s “looking for a goodhearted person with a possible life line to assist me.” Dube claims to be the personal assistant to the president of Zimbabwe, whom Dube describes as a despot responsible for fixing recent elections. Dube says the president has asked him to move $22.5 million to Malaysia, where the president will high-tail it to should he be forced out of the country.
But Dube has other plans.
“I have decided to divert this money for my personal use,” says Dube, “and probably to invest it in [an] oil/gas contract in your country.”
Dube has already deposited the money in a South African bank, so here’s the ‘call to action’: “All I want you to do for me is to come to South Africa so that we can change the ownership of the deposit to your name…” That’s all this guy wants from you. He then goes on to describe how dangerous South Africa is for foreigners, detailing the latest attacks and killings that have been going on.
Well, I’m sold. Meet you guys in Africa! Last one on the plane is a rotten egg.
The now-former Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean, whose comments about gay marriage and internet feud with Perez Hilton made her way more famous than the actual Miss USA winner (who is from my home state of North Carolina – go NC!), has finally lost her crown. The official reason stated by the pageant was that Prejean violated her contract by doing appearances without clearing them/getting them approved by the state pageant board. Obviously they are really pissed at her, because they leaked (or allowed to leak) an email exchange between her and California pageant director Keith Lewis. Here is one of the emails Prejean sent (you can see the whole exchange on Jezebel):
I expect you to be forwarding me ALL email requests and interview requests to me. I know how you are and its not right if you are selecting things for me. Thanks for your cooperation And fyi I am a presenter of medals at the special olympics in a few weeks for the summer games. So now u know I am doing this and I expect your full support. Also I was asked to fill in for a dj on a local radio show.. Ill be reading from a show biz script monday. I am doing this
Continue reading ‘miss california and email etiquette’
I love a good workplace novel, and I’m happy to report that I found a great one recently: E, by Matt Beaumont. It follows in the proud tradition of epistolary novels – but instead of letters, this one’s entirely in email. More specifically, the novel tells the story of a crazy, eclectic, and sometimes coked-up London ad agency trying to win their biggest client ever. I was worried that the email concept would be a gimmick, but it totally worked because Beaumont does a great job using minimal language to effectively capture different personalities for all the characters in the office. Almost all the office cliches are there – the frenemies, the executive who goes through assistants like Kleenex, the coworker hookup, the assistant who is so blindly loyal to her boss you wonder if she’s in love with him, and the like. Plus, I really love British slang. Anyway, the book is absolutely worth a read – I was reading it on the plane, and was actually disappointed when the plane landed. If that’s not an endorsement, I don’t know what is.
