Britney Spears’ assistant, Brett Miller, got married over the weekend in Miami. And Brit-Brit was the maid of honor. TMZ got this photo from the ceremony. Britney’s not the first celebrity boss to stand up for their PA – Kate Bosworth served as a bridesmaid when her former assistant, Jacqui Louez, got hitched a few years ago.
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Man, has it been one heck of a 24 hours in assistant-related drama for Jamie Kennedy.
This morning, Perez Hilton reported that Kennedy was cheating on his current girlfriend, actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, with his ex-girlfriend, former Britney Spears assistant Shannon Funk. That info in itself is pretty juicy and worthy of an STA post. However, it gets so much better.
Later today, another post appeared on Perez. This one outed the “source” on the original story as Jamie’s assistant, Miguel, who has been fired:
Miguel went nuts and started making shit up. This is a David Spade situation, where the assistant gets jealous of the star’s lifestyle and snaps. Miguel snapped and started texting Love late at night and just being a freak. Then he tried to take Jamie down by making shit up. Jamie’s lucky he didn’t get tazered in his sleep by this guy!
Harsh – but very interesting!
Alli Sims obviously isn’t very busy pursuing her fake music career, because she has managed to find tons of time to give interviews about her “cousin,” Britney Spears. Alli used to be Britney’s assistant and since she isn’t interesting on her own, continues doing interviews about Britney years after working for her in a desperate bid to stay “relevant.” Here’s some ridiculousness from an interview with Extra:
Sims insists that the media made the “Womanizer” singer’s meltdown seem worse than it was. “It seemed a lot crazier than it really was because it made simple things just like going to Starbucks seem so out of hand. It was insane because of the paparrazi, but it really wasn’t that bad when you were sitting there going through it personally. I just thought it was interesting how people expected us to stay home and not go anywhere… It’s not her fault she has that many people following her around.”
Although Alli hasn’t spoken to Brit in awhile, she is hoping to reconnect with the pop mom. “We didn’t have a falling out at all or anything. I just kind of stepped back. She had a lot of stuff going on that she needed to focus on, so I took that time to put all my energy into my music…I definitely think I’ll talk to her soon. It’s not like we’re never going to talk again.” She adds, “I love her to death and I miss her and I hope she’s happy.”
Hey, Alli? Is the reason you and Brit haven’t spoken in awhile is because her father banned you from communicating with her? Or maybe she’s mad at you for selling her stuff at a trunk show in order to get press for yourself?
Here’s a clip from back when Alli’s job was to wait outside of clubs and get Britney a cab so she wouldn’t have to deal with the paparazzi. It’s full of famewhorey goodness.
Alli Sims, Britney Spears’ fake cousin and former personal assistant, is doing everything she can to extend her four minutes of pseudo-fame. Let’s recap, shall we?
- August ‘07: Gets subpoenaed to testify for Kevin Federline in Britney’s custody case.
- September ‘08: Organizes “trunk show” in Alabama that basically consists of her selling Britney’s stuff and swag that Alli accumulated during her assistant days.
- October ‘08: Is banned from communicating or spending time with Britney.
- January ‘09: Gets sued over failed reality show venture and is accused of lying about her singing ability and her relationship with Britney.
And now, Alli has a single called “Driving Blind.” Is this a reference to that time Britney got caught driving with her son in her lap instead of in a car seat? I feel like it’s a miracle this single isn’t called “I KNOW BRITNEY SPEARS. SERIOUSLY. WE’RE COUSINS! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!” It’s the little things we have to be grateful for, you know?
It’s a nice change to be able to run a Britney Spears-related post that has nothing to do with her revolving door of assistants. This time, Britney is guest starring on the awesome sitcom How I Met Your Mother as the office assistant of the show’s main character, Ted (played by the crushworthy Josh Radnor, below). Ted, an architect, is the rare TV character who has a normal job and spends a reasonable amount of time working, and it helps that his best friend/sidekick is played by the insanely hilarious Neil Patrick Harris. We’re withholding judgment on Britters’ role until we actually see the episode, but we do applaud her for having the sense to appear on a really good show.
If you’re not a fan of the show, we recommend you start by watching this brilliant music video, made by Ted’s ex-girlfriend Robin back when she was a teenage popstar in Canada. You won’t be sorry.
Looks like Britney couldn’t stay mad forever…sources report she has rehired fired assistant Carla. Britney originally fired Carla because she accused the maid-cum-assistant of talking to the press. But considering Britney’s habit of dating the press, she must have gotten over it. She and Carla were photographed together in L.A. yesterday.
However, we still don’t know Carla’s last name.
We know: shocker. As with everything else in her life, Britney Spears is seeking to outdo even her lowest of lows.
So far on her roster of assistants, she’s had the “cousin” assistant who suddenly disappeared and then got a record deal or something; the ”crazy party friend who sold her out” assistant who got canned and got paid to dish to the gossip rags for 15 minutes; and who could forget her original “matronly lady/mom’s spy” assistant who just couldn’t handle the crazy anymore?
We can add one more assistant to the list: the “once my housecleaner, now my assistant” assistant.
[Britney, boyfriend Adnan, and... is that Carla behind her? Or a random shopper?]
Carla NoLastName was fired for allegedly talking to the media. But really, at this point, aren’t we pretty much at full disclosure with Britney? It’s not like she’s even trying to hide her crazy anymore. And speaking of crazy, Britney sent her off with a bang (or a boot?). One minute Carla was an assistant in a car with Britney, and the next she was unemployed standing on a corner in LA. We’re guessing there was no severance package (unless Carla had a camera and snapped some condemning photos – though the market for those is probably flooded by now that Britney dates a paparazzo and arranges her own photo ops).
Not only is Britney trying to out-crazy the late Anna Nicole Smith, she’s apparently also trying to out-bad-boss Miss Naomi Campbell. And we all know how Naomi feels about competition. Just ask Tyra.
These days, there are so many famewhores in the world it’s hard to keep them all straight. I mean, there’s everyone who has ever appeared on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, for starters. And now there’s former Britney Spears assistant (and, depending on your source, also her cousin) Alli Sims. Sims, who has been trying to make it as a singer, found that her musical career went nowhere fast. But when a famewhore encounters a closed door, they sometimes find a window. And that window is…a reality show!
[Sims is the one on the left, if for some reason you weren't sure.]
Sims is apparently pitching a reality show billed as ‘the female version of Entourage.’ It has no storyline other than following her and her ‘friends’ around. Yawn. Call us if it starts involving bungee-jumping challenges and Coral Smith yelling things like “I don’t wrestle, I fuckin’ beat bitches up.”
Felicia “Fee” Culotta, whose stint as Britney Spears’ personal assistant was memorialized in the Craptastic Reality TV canon on Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, has moved onto greener (and less crazy) pastures. She has landed a new gig assisting teen idols The Jonas Brothers.
Felicia, a friend of Lynne Spears, spent nine years working for the Britster. Stee, who wrote brilliant recaps of Chaotic for Television Without Pity, had a running joke where he ran screaming every time Felicia came on the screen. It’s true that she’s not exactly a supermodel, but at least she had the good sense to quit working for Britney as the pop star got crazier. Let’s hope the Jonases–one of whom is apparently dating wholesome teen star Miley “Hannah Montana” Cyrus–are easier to deal with. However, if in a couple of years the Jonases are wacked-out, shaving their heads, and attacking cars with umbrellas, expect Fee to once again run for cover.
It’s hard to get a read on exactly who Osama “Sam” Lufti is: depending on the publication, he’s listed as Britney Spears’ best friend, confidante, or personal assistant. But now the tabloids seem to be in assent that Brit wants to run off to Vegas and marry this guy. Look, Brit, we know you’re not handling the whole “pregnant teenage sister” thing well. We’re not either. But don’t you remember how that other Vegas marriage of yours worked out? Do you really want another annulment to your credit?
God, what are we thinking? Of course she does. What other way to get back at your sister for getting more attention than you: revenge wedding to your assistant!
