From the Daily Mirror (UK):
Which American actress is so incredibly stupid, she has to have two faffing assistants around her at all times – to remind her where she is and who she’s talking to?
Post guesses in the comments.
Tag Archive for 'Blind Items'
Page 2 of 2
Our favorite guilty pleasure blog, Entertainment Lawyer runs lots of juicy blind items about A-listers. Here’s one about a mystery celeb (we have our guesses, and feel free to leave yours in the comments) whose assistant seriously needs to be saved:
B list television actor known for being a jackass here and in other places has a new game. He hits on women almost constantly and can’t remember their names or phone numbers or who is who and where he met them. What he does is arrange for all of them is to schedule a lunch for 1pm three days a week. If any of them show up, he buys them lunch. One or more. He then takes whoever wants to go, back to his place for some afternoon fun. At least once a week he gets busy though and fails to show up at the restaurant. Since he doesn’t remember their names or numbers and could care less if he stands them up, they are often left waiting, sometimes a small group of them. The restaurant is perfectly aware of who they are waiting for, and will often call our actor’s assistant to find out if he is in fact going to be at lunch. If he isn’t coming the staff will send them home.
How do you break into the exciting world of being a celebrity assistant? Well, reading the classifieds is a good start.
This ad is absolutely priceless. The opening sentence is “A busy, high profile, very down to earth Celebrity Musician/Actor in the Entertainment Industry seeks Personal Assistant.” Down to earth, you say? Well, then, why might the next sentence be “This position requires someone who is discreet and mature that has a full understanding of what it takes to be a Personal Assistant to a very busy Celebrity.” [Dear person who wrote this ad, "Celebrity" is not actually a job title and therefore does not need to be capitalized.]
The ad is massive and has a week’s worth of bullet points under “qualifications.” Here are some of the highlights.
• Handles re-routed personal phone calls for ARTIST as directed.
• Stores all contact numbers immediately upon receiving them in Blackberry/Treo and cell phone (items provided) ALWAYS.
• Handle light administrative tasks including faxing, sending and receiving packages, downloading music, going over e-mails with the Artist and printing out documents for signature as directed by Management.
• Updates calendar daily/weekly with new schedule and frequent changes.
• Able to handle Artist travel arrangements (air, hotel and ground) via in-house Travel Agent and outside Vendors as necessary.
• Must travel with laptop and portable printer (items provided) at all times.
• Handles daily personal needs for Artist including all meals, personal shopping, packing for travel, etc.
• Must make sure that both LA and New York Households are maintained and well prepared to receive Artist at all times. Housekeeper is provided.
• Run all errands as requested.
• Make sure Artist has meals readily available at all times.
• Prepare Artist for pre and post performances including; pre-performance rituals (packing after show wardrobe), dressing room preparations (candles, incense and tea), and standing side-stage during entire performance each night with Artist needs (towels, water, tea). Help Artist to change performance wardrobe as necessary.
• Carry all show necessities in “show bag,” i.e., towels, change of clothes, toiletries.
• Comfortable with coordinating wardrobe “looks” for daily wear, routine performances and travel. Will assist STYLIST for media appearances, interviews, award shows, etc.
Downloading music is a ‘light administrative task’? And why are Travel Agent, Artist, and Vendor capitalized but STYLIST in all caps?
This ad is hilarious…and pretty standard. Anyone who thinks being a celebrity assistant is a glamorous job should be forced to read over the entire thing a couple of times so that they know what kind of crap they’re getting themselves into. You can enjoy the whole wretched fiasco here.
Oh, and anyone want to take a stab at who the lucky assistant-seeker might be?
