What happens after you work for a celebrity? As this site knows, there are any number of possible outcomes – you could end up like Marc Cherry, taking your assistant contacts and running with them until you become the boss, or you could be Alli Sims and spend the rest of your life attempting to grasp fame via your tenuous connection with a star. Rick Stanley, though, chose an entirely different path. The stepbrother and former personal assistant/bodyguard of Elvis Presley, Stanley battled drug and alcohol addiction and eventually found religion. Now he’s an evangelical preacher who travels the country telling his story. Also, he has a website. And, as you’ll see at right, a book.
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Alli Sims obviously isn’t very busy pursuing her fake music career, because she has managed to find tons of time to give interviews about her “cousin,” Britney Spears. Alli used to be Britney’s assistant and since she isn’t interesting on her own, continues doing interviews about Britney years after working for her in a desperate bid to stay “relevant.” Here’s some ridiculousness from an interview with Extra:
Sims insists that the media made the “Womanizer” singer’s meltdown seem worse than it was. “It seemed a lot crazier than it really was because it made simple things just like going to Starbucks seem so out of hand. It was insane because of the paparrazi, but it really wasn’t that bad when you were sitting there going through it personally. I just thought it was interesting how people expected us to stay home and not go anywhere… It’s not her fault she has that many people following her around.”
Although Alli hasn’t spoken to Brit in awhile, she is hoping to reconnect with the pop mom. “We didn’t have a falling out at all or anything. I just kind of stepped back. She had a lot of stuff going on that she needed to focus on, so I took that time to put all my energy into my music…I definitely think I’ll talk to her soon. It’s not like we’re never going to talk again.” She adds, “I love her to death and I miss her and I hope she’s happy.”
Hey, Alli? Is the reason you and Brit haven’t spoken in awhile is because her father banned you from communicating with her? Or maybe she’s mad at you for selling her stuff at a trunk show in order to get press for yourself?
Here’s a clip from back when Alli’s job was to wait outside of clubs and get Britney a cab so she wouldn’t have to deal with the paparazzi. It’s full of famewhorey goodness.
Alli Sims, Britney Spears’ fake cousin and former personal assistant, is doing everything she can to extend her four minutes of pseudo-fame. Let’s recap, shall we?
- August ‘07: Gets subpoenaed to testify for Kevin Federline in Britney’s custody case.
- September ‘08: Organizes “trunk show” in Alabama that basically consists of her selling Britney’s stuff and swag that Alli accumulated during her assistant days.
- October ‘08: Is banned from communicating or spending time with Britney.
- January ‘09: Gets sued over failed reality show venture and is accused of lying about her singing ability and her relationship with Britney.
And now, Alli has a single called “Driving Blind.” Is this a reference to that time Britney got caught driving with her son in her lap instead of in a car seat? I feel like it’s a miracle this single isn’t called “I KNOW BRITNEY SPEARS. SERIOUSLY. WE’RE COUSINS! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!” It’s the little things we have to be grateful for, you know?
These days, there are so many famewhores in the world it’s hard to keep them all straight. I mean, there’s everyone who has ever appeared on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, for starters. And now there’s former Britney Spears assistant (and, depending on your source, also her cousin) Alli Sims. Sims, who has been trying to make it as a singer, found that her musical career went nowhere fast. But when a famewhore encounters a closed door, they sometimes find a window. And that window is…a reality show!
[Sims is the one on the left, if for some reason you weren't sure.]
Sims is apparently pitching a reality show billed as ‘the female version of Entourage.’ It has no storyline other than following her and her ‘friends’ around. Yawn. Call us if it starts involving bungee-jumping challenges and Coral Smith yelling things like “I don’t wrestle, I fuckin’ beat bitches up.”
First cousin Alli Sims worked for Britney and quit to start her own ’singing’ career. Then Shannon Funk got photographed joining Brit in her underwear to take a dip in the Pacific before selling her story to OK! magazine.
Both of them seem to want to join the Paris Hilton School of Being Famous For Nothing, so it seems logical the two of them would get together. TMZ spied Alli and Shannon hanging out together in Las Vegas for VMA week. Check the article out here.
Earlier this week, we talked about how Britney Spears’ cousin/ex-assistant Alli Sims has been subpoenaed to testify about Brit’s behavior in K.Fed’s custody suit. Well, it looks like he’s getting as many witnesses he can get. In addition to a former bodyguard, K.Fed’s lawyer has subpoenaed ex-Brit assistant Shannon Funk, who only worked for the newly-bald pop star for about three weeks. Shannon was a little bit harder to track down… because she was in New York, selling her story to OK! magazine. In case you forgot, OK! is the one that touted exclusive pictures of Brit’s meltdown while doing a photo shoot for them, only to not show anything interesting.
Who knew being an assistant could have such a rich payoff? All it costs is three weeks of your life than you can never get back.
It’s not unusual for celebrities to hire on personal friends to be their assistants. That way they have a built-in person to hang out with. Jessica Simpson did it on Newlyweds when she hired longtime friend CaCee Cobb to be her assistant, even though CaCee drove Nick (and everyone watching at home) insane.
Looks like Britney Spears has followed suit. After she dumped longtime assistant (and Britney and Kevin: Chaotic “costar”) Felicia Culotta, she’s hired her more age appropriate cousin Alli.
Hi, Alli? Nice to meet you. First, we want to thank you for visiting Brit in rehab. That was really nice. But if we could suggest one thing? Pick the girl out some better clothes. After a close examination of your outfit in this photo, maybe you should just hire a stylist. For both of you. It’ll be fun. Get a personal shopper!
And if we could suggest two things? Email us. Please.
