• Visit OJ Simpson in jail
• Play self in Lifetime movie
• Launch personal style blog
• Go to Disneyland (not Universal Studios, obvi)
• Write tell all book
• Take over Dr. Kevorkian’s practice
• Start project to hunt down the real killer
• Do sitdown interview with Barbara Walters and/or Diane Sawyer
• Finally get around to finishing that PhD in Victorian Poetry
• Become Farrah’s new BFF on Teen Mom
• Find God and join a convent

Here’s the thing: when I was an assistant, my boss relied on me heavily. He didn’t know how to dial a telephone or turn on a computer without my help. But when I quit, he didn’t go on a bender or start hurling anti-Semitic comments at other people. He just hired another assistant. I understand that Galliano and his assistant were also close friends, and that dealing with a loss like that cannot be easy. But if Galliano was just such a special snowflake that any interaction with non-creatives made him stressed, he should have hired someone else to fulfill the assistant part of Robinson’s job. And anti-Semitism is not an appropriate way to deal with grief. Get some therapy. Take time off from your job to clear your head. Go on antidepressants. But making racist comments isn’t okay, even when you’re dealing with pain. And, just like a million other bosses, John Galliano is blaming everything on his assistant.

The truth is that you have two jobs.

The first is the explicit job, for which you were hired. This is the job you saw posted on the web or heard about through a friend. It’s the job title printed on your business card and in the company directory. It’s what you put on your LinkedIn profile. For the sake of argument, let’s say the job was Research Associate. When you heard about this position, you were excited. Why? Because you love research, and you’re good at it. You prepared yourself. You updated your resume. You boosted your past research experience and added personal details that connect you to the type of research this job requires. You read the company’s website thoroughly. You Googled the business. You may even have done your own research on particular employees, especially management. You are prepared to be an excellent Research Associate, and when you get the job, and sign the papers and show up for your first day, that’s a role you are excited to play.

The thing is, you were also hired for another job: your blackness. That’s not to say you were merely accepted due to some affirmative action quota. If that were the case, nothing more would be expected of you than simply being black and doing job number one above. That would make you a research associate who happens to be black. No, you have another job with specific responsibilities far beyond inhabiting your skin. The people who hired you likely weren’t even conscious of this extra job. It’s not as if they had one meeting about your research skills and another about your blackness talents. Nevertheless, they expect great things from you, even if subconsciously.  In job number two you will be expected to

a) Represent the black community

b) Defend the company against charges of racism or lack of diversity

c) Increase the coolness of the office environment by enthusiastically participating in company events

If you dig into this, you might conclude that you have two, three or even four jobs because your blackness duty combines the roles of politician, lawyer and entertainer. Now you’re Jamaican! For the sake of simplicity and sanity, however, we will keep these jobs consolidated under the umbrella of your second job.

The rest of the Facebook note is here.

The average American worker works 8.5 hours a week. So much for the 40 hour workweek. – Gawker

The real workplace battle is taking place and the battleground is the candy jar. Some say it makes everyone fat; some say it makes everyone happy. I say there’s a reason the phrase “fat and happy” exists. – Wall Street Journal

NOT winning – Charlie Sheen’s behavior of late provides some excellent tips for getting fired. – The Work Buzz

It may not be as obvious as Mad Men or The Office, but Discovery’s Deadliest Catch is a workplace show too. – Salon

Here’s how to explain to your parents why you’re unemployed – in handy infographic form! – I Love Charts

Can a fad diet help you get promoted? Yes, but not in the way you think. – Blisstree

[Via Perpetual Kid]

Last September, my boyfriend broke up with me over a five-line email. I had a speaking engagement at Juniata College, but that would have to wait. I cancelled the speech and fled to Vegas for a girl’s weekend. I was at the blackjack table at the Bellagio when one of my girlfriends told me the Internet was going crazy. What now? “Meghan McCain Blows Off Book Tour to Party in Vegas,” declared Gawker. The Chronicle of Higher Education weighed in with, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—unless you’re arrogant enough to post it to your Twitter feed.” It wasn’t so much that I had cancelled a speaking engagement. It was that I was in Vegas instead.

Now, if only the rest of us could get away with that at work.