We’ve all called in sick to work. The less principled among us have lied about the death of a family member. But the best way to get out of working is to lie small, not lie big. Lie about stuff like migraines and sick pets…stuff that’s hard to prove and won’t last long, so you’re less likely to get busted. Here’s an example of what you shouldn’t do: lie about having cancer. Cancer lasts a long time, and if you’re not going to regular treatments or having your hair fall out or whatever else, you are going to get busted on your awful, evil lie pretty soon. Hear that, Sandra Martinez of Mountlake Terrace, Washington? Let me repeat: do not lie about having cancer to get out of work.
Archive for the 'Tip of the Week' Category
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Our stance on workplace dating tends to be “don’t,” just because of all the drama that can ensue. That said, if you’re willing to chance it there are certain guidelines to follow. While this Yahoo article is written for men who are trying to date a woman in their office, it has some general rules everyone can learn from:
- Spend some time in group settings
If you’re going to date someone at the office, you don’t want to just have a hookup or a fling, because it’s not worth it. Make sure this person is relationship material by testing the waters. Go out with them and a few other coworkers for lunch or happy hour. Having other people around is also a good way to buffer any potential “those two are hooking up” rumors.
- Keep emails casual
You know that Corporate reads your email, and don’t think that’s going to stop happening if you and a coworker develop a personal relationship. Make sure you don’t put anything in an email you wouldn’t want your boss to read. “Can’t wait to see you naked tonight” and “Your ass looks so good today” are two examples of things not to say in email.
- Introduce your office crush to your friends gradually
Again, if you’re going to date at work, you should do so gingerly. If you think this person’s worth integrating into your social scene, do it with caution. Try one or two of your close friends first and move out from there. Some people like to keep their work persona and their real personality very separate. Dating a coworker will cause those two world to crash into each other.
One of the best or worst things (depending who you ask, and if they’re on a diet) about working in an office is the abundance of free food. The overwhelming majority of the time, said free food is of the “junk” persuasion: cupcakes for someone’s birthday, the chick in accounting’s latest cookie recipe, etc. What’s an assistant to do when the call of office snacks is irresistible, but their health (and possibly their waistband) is telling them no?
The Our Lady of Weight Loss blog offers some interesting suggestions for how to handle office junk food. While some of them are a little extreme (printing out a manifesto/flyer proclaiming a junk-free zone), some are very useful. Witness:
- Drink more water
- If you do want to partake in snacks, make an effort to be more active (go to the gym during lunch, take a walk around the office, etc)
- Bring your own healthier snack alternatives
- Make friends with a fellow health-conscious coworker
- Take more breaks–the more productive you are, the less tired you feel, and the less tired you feel the less likely you are to crave sugar
Yeah, I didn’t think there was a positive way to deal with anger either. But the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh (we love his desktop meditations, one of which you can find here) inspired one author’s interpretation of how to cope with anger.
1. STOP: Don’t react right away. Take some time to assess what is going on.
2. BREATHE: Deeply. Cooling down will make it easier to come up with a strategy that will succeed.
3. LOOK: At the matter from another point of view. What are all of the possible explanations for why this is happening?
4. ASK: “What response is most likely to be effective?” It probably won’t involve blowing your stack.
5. GET: Help if need be. The problem may be too big to handle alone. Help can even be in the form of some feedback from another person.
Try running through these steps the next time your boss says “I NEED IT NOW.” And let us know how it works for you.
Does it seem like no matter how much you’re on top of things you still have 4,000 unread emails in your Outlook? Darren over at Problogger has some great suggestions for how to clear out your inbox and reduce the number of emails you get every day. (We cannot teach your boss how to send one long email instead of fifteen that are each one sentence long, unfortunately.)
- Unsubscribe, unsubscribe, unsubscribe. If you get newsletters, some of them may be ones you didn’t even sign up for. Scroll down to the bottom of the email and find the link for unsubscribing. For emails you actually do want but don’t have the time to read, find out if there’s a way to reduce your subscription to 3 days a week or something.
- Consolidate multiple email addresses into one. Darren used Gmail. You probably can’t do that with work email, but you may be able to consolidate multiple variations of your work email (as in, do you get email at CB@company.com as well as ChrisB@company.com? Find out how to merge.)
- Create more folders and labels within your email. This way, you can store emails you might need for reference later without having them take up space in your inbox and potentially get lost.
- If you have Outlook, there’s a function that allows you to have email from certain people appear in different colors so that you can spot it immediately. Make your boss blue, your mom yellow, and that bitch in HR purple.
- Make friends with your “Archive” feature.
- If an email deals with a specific task, and you do the task, erase the email ASAP.
For these tips and more, click here.
Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference between “my job is boring and I don’t like it that much” and “my job is sucking out my soul.” The good folks over at Wisebread have provided some useful ways to draw the line between the two. However, since their article was written in complete earnest, we thought we’d chip in with some tips of our own.
- It is not located at the beach
- You have no one to flirt with
- There’s no TV
- You do not get presents just for showing up
- There are no pets
- It continues to exist
…hope that helped.
While we usually advocate that if you hate your job you should quit doing it, we acknowledge that that isn’t always the right approach. This article helpfully points out reasons why it might be worth it to stick around. For example, if you have a good relationship with your coworkers, it might help you out more in the long run than having a good relationship with your boss. (Note from Lilit: I get a decent amount of my freelance work through former colleagues, or friends I made through former colleagues.) Also, if your company is willing to train you on certain programs or pay for you to take work-related classes, you might want to stick around long enough to pad your resume with your new skills.
So before you march into your boss’ office and announce he can take this job and shove it, give this article a read first.
I know what you’re thinking, but bear with me.
When Ashley and I were assistants together, I always got up at the last possible second I could and ended up at work with semi-damp hair and circles under my eyes. Ashley, on the other hand, always woke up early in the AM and did other shit before getting to the office. I always thought she was weird, but she had an excellent reason behind her schedule. My day was divided into halves: the section I spent at work, and the section I didn’t. For Ashley, the day was in thirds. She bookended the time spent at the office so that it felt like a smaller, and therefore less significant, part of her day. I’ve started doing a version of this (let’s face it, I’ll never be a morning person), and it really improves my attitude all day long. Here’s a handy list of things you can do in the AM to brighten your whole day:
- Make a great cup of homebrewed coffee or tea
- Take your dog out for a longer walk than usual or snuggle with your cat
- Do the crossword puzzle or read the comics
- Watch fifteen minutes of your favorite morning show
- Cook yourself a proper breakfast
- Walk to work, instead of using mass transit (if possible in your town)
- Let your hair air-dry
- Go to the gym
- Rock out to your favorite music
- Do yoga
Do you have a favorite pre-work AM activity? Let us know in the comments.
Let’s learn from our brothers and sisters on the other side of the Atlantic and not waste time lying about why we can’t come in to work. This article from the Daily Mail lists some of the reasons employees give for not showing up to work: “I’m drunk/hungover” is a popular one, but “work is irrelevant to my life” is also pretty awesome. We’ve provided a handy list below, but feel free to check out the article for more ideas. This is kind of like when a homeless guy in Times Square held up a sign that said “I won’t lie to you–the money’s for beer.” Let’s just say, the dude had a lot of change in his cup.
- “I think my boss is a giant douchebag.”
- “I’d rather be having sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend right now.”
- “My favorite sports team lost last night and I need time to recover.”
- “My favorite character got killed off of Lost/24/some other show last night, and I need time to recover.”
- “You’re a shitty boss, and I hate listening to you.”
- “I was sick over the weekend and need a day off work to compensate for my lost slacking time.”
