As more news comes out about the circumstances surrounding Michael Jackson’s death, I couldn’t help but fixate on one particular angle. Reports are now coming out that Jackson had prescriptions under a variety of real and fake names - including that of his personal assistant. I’m not sure whether the assistant knew his or her name was being used by Jackson, but regardless, let me make one thing clear:
Do not let your boss use your name to get drugs.
It’s bad enough when he sends you to pick up condoms from the store, but identity theft is a real thing and can result in people being arrested. Remember on Big Love when Nicki used Margene’s name to get a job at the DA’s office? Both of them could have ended up in jail. If you find out your boss is using your name to get controlled substances, by all means threaten to call the cops. You’re well within your rights. Plus, when your boss finds out who ratted him out it’ll be useful to have armed protection.
Last year, internet “celebrity” Julia Allison posted an ad on her blog for an intern. Now, she has a new ad up, seeking someone to work for her this summer (I’m not posting the link - if you’re dying to work for her, I’m sure you can find it). Once again the ad is self-deprecating (in that phony “I’m not self-aware, but I’m aware enough to know I need to sound self-aware” sort of way, of course) and gives a lengthy summary of what the intern’s duties will be. That’s all well and good, but if you’re thinking about applying for this internship (or any job ever for that matter), there’s something you need to do first: Google.
If you were a potential Julia Allison intern who had fifteen minutes or so to conduct an internet search, you might come across the story of Charlsie, the student who snagged the “coveted” internship at NonSociety (Julia’s web “startup” … I have got to lay off the quotes) last fall. Charlsie, who was doing the internship for academic credit, kept a Tumblr blog about her experiences, which included items like this:
When I left though, Julia gave me the dress she wore to the Google Inauguration Ball to return and a whole bunch of electronics to send out to people.
and (later) this:
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Continue reading ‘tip of the week: trust the internet’
We’ve gone all week without a Tip of the Week, so here goes (with a hat tip to techrepublic.com):
- Awesome
- Dude!
- Jesus
- Basically any mention of religion, really. Unless you’re applying to work at the Vatican or something.
- “I have a chronic illness”
- Profanity (even if you did go to Asshole State University)
- What year you graduated from college (hello, age discrimination!)
- Kickass
- Degrees/Certificates: BS, Business, University of Florida; Promises Rehab Center, Malibu, CA
- “I left my last job because my boss was a total douche” (even though it’s true)
- DUDE.
- Aliases you’re wanted under in other states
- “I plan to get pregnant immediately after you hire me and I have health insurance” (see also: Hasselbeck Technique)
Are you interning this summer? Are you going to be doing regular intern work plus the work of a recently laid off employee (i.e. assistant)? Here are some tips for turning your internship into a full time job:
- Treat your internship like a three month long job interview. If the company is hiring, or will be around the time your internship is over, you should use your internship period as a time to show off your skills, make friends and contacts in the office, and otherwise impress the same people who might hire you someday.
- Collect contact info from employees you want to use as references or contacts later on. Remember that when your internship is over, you won’t have your Outlook account anymore, so be sure to get contact info for anyone you’d like to keep in touch with personally or professionally. Plus, if anyone would make a good reference for you, be sure that you a) have phone and email contact info for them, and b) they are familiar enough with you and your work to have something positive to say.
- Send thank-you notes. Are you one of 30 interns? Make sure everyone remembers who you are by having good workplace manners. If someone’s been super helpful showing you the ropes or training you on the phone system, write them notes when your internship is over. Make sure the notes include your contact info so that they can follow up.
Continue reading ‘tip of the week: optimize your internship’
Porn star Penny Flame has just been announced as one of the cast members of the next season of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab, which will be about sex addiction. She may or may not be an addict, but she is definitely not lazy. On her blog, she details a day in the life at her job as the studio manager for a porn company called MetroBabes. It turns out that stuff that helps you be the best porn star you can be isn’t always helpful at the office. Here are a couple of tips for porn performers who just got day jobs:
- While super high platform shoes look great on your feet when you’re having sex on camera, you can’t actually walk to work in them without breaking an ankle. Time to invest in some cool-but-practical work kicks.
- If you have ever done any movies that took places in offices, hope you kept your wardrobe. Whatever’s not tear-away is now your work attire.
- Office chairs, even the fancy ones, are not that great for you to sit in for long stretches. Penny recommends sitting on a yoga ball, which will help you to have good posture. [Note: a massage therapist friend of mine gave me this exact advice last week.]
Continue reading ‘when a porn star goes to the office’
STA reader Maria recently forwarded me a link to “Annie’s Mailbox,” an online advice column. Annie’s column recently featured a letter from a reader with a very unusual workplace problem. It made me so angry (but, fortunately, Annie gave her very sound advice which helped me to feel less stabby) that I just had to post it verbatim:
Dear Annie: Last week I was told by our office manager that the director “doesn’t like your hairstyle and you need to do something with it.” Annie, my hair is growing back from chemo.
I was extremely upset by this and went home in tears.
Today I met with our director, who read from our employee manual: “If it is determined that an employee is inappropriately dressed or groomed, he or she will be instructed to make necessary changes.” She thought my hair looked unprofessional.
Annie, I could understand if my hair was green or in dreadlocks, but it’s not. Now I’m being told I may lose my job. What do you think? — Trying My Best
Dear Trying: We think your director may be in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act since your hairstyle is a result of chemotherapy treatment. Check with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (eeoc.gov) at 1-800-669-4000. The director’s reaction to your hair seems peculiar and punitive. If she has a boss, we strongly urge you to take this to a higher authority.
Ugh, this is just horrible. I hope “Trying My Best” takes Annie’s advice - and that she kicks her boss’ butt.
British songstress Lily Allen is a bona fide celebrity, meaning she would seem to have an entourage, a nice pad, and expensive toys like cars and a private jet. But apparently not. She said in a recent interview that she’s broke. “I’ve been hit big time by the credit crunch,” she said. “Actually, I’ve just had to sell my car because I’m so broke. I bought a car last year and that was probably my biggest extravagance. Clothes, too. I’m always buying clothes. I’m completely skint.” She added that, although she just put out a new record and is out on tour right now, she won’t see profits from the album for awhile.
Have people learned nothing from TLC’s Behind the Music episode? God. What about the aftereffects of MC Hammer? If we do not study history we are doomed to repeat it, OK? Pop stars of the world obviously have not been brushing up on their stories of broke musicians past. Let me sum it up as best I can: DO NOT SPEND ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY. Even if you are super rich and famous and people give you free shit all the time, you should probably hold on to some of your money just in case, oh, I don’t know, you stop being famous or develop a drug habit or there’s a world economic crisis or something. And if you do act like a bonehead and spend all your money, try not to give interviews encouraging people to feel sorry for you, because if they’re anything like me they will have just lost their jobs and are trying to figure out how to get by and will actually hate you instead of feel bad and send you pennies in the mail.
That advice will be a thousand dollars, please, Ms. Allen. Cash is fine.
As you know, there are tons of “what to do when you get laid off” articles out there right now, and when I find one that I think is better than average or addresses some issue of layoffs that hasn’t really been done to death, I want to post it here. Although this “8 Steps to Take if You’ve Been Affected By a Layoff” post from Mediabistro is on the short side, it does a great service by talking not just about how being laid off affects your finances but about how losing your job affects your physical and mental health. Some important things to keep in mind:
- Give yourself time to mourn.
You are allowed to be upset about losing your job, even if you didn’t like it. You are allowed to be pissed off, depressed, hurt, confused, embarrassed, or any other emotion. Losing a job is kind of like getting dumped, and you should let yourself process your emotions. It’s good for you. And as you’re interviewing for other jobs, you want to bring some positivity instead of carrying along all your resentment about being laid off.
- Stay active.
Although there’s a lot of temptation to be a couch potato and catch up on all those episodes of Judge Judy you’ve been meaning to watch, you should stay as active as you can. Taking care of your health is even more important now that you might be losing your health insurance or transitioning to another provider or service, plus the exercise will help boost your endorphins. And now that you have an open schedule, you can hit the gym or the park during off-peak times and not have to fight people for a treadmill.
The other day I posted about goodbye emails - the “hey, I’m leaving, it was great working with all of you” notes that you write when you quit, get laid off, or otherwise get the heck out of Dodge. But those emails are deceptively hard to write. Here are a couple of useful things to keep in mind:
- When in doubt, be funny. If a ton of people have been laid off at your company, the goodbye emails will start arriving in clusters. Most likely, it will also be totally depressing, because even though people will say they’re “spending more time with family” or “pursuing other projects,” everybody knows the truth. So when you’re not sure whether to go with maudlin or lighthearted, always veer toward the side of funny.
- Keep your contact info within reason. Yes, you should give coworkers and clients a way to contact you. But limit it to email and maybe a phone number - they don’t need your address, your pager number, or your land line. If they didn’t need your mailing address before, they won’t need it now.
- Consider writing 2 (or more) emails. A lot of people will read this email - executives, coworkers, clients, people in accounting who you’ve never even met. What might be funny to one group might be offensive or inappropriate for another. So you might want to have a “generic” version and a “for coworkers I actually hang out with in real life” version. The latter one is where you make inside jokes, obviously.
Continue reading ‘how to write a goodbye email’
Are you afraid of losing your job? In this unstable job market, I don’t think it’s out of line for anybody to have that particular worry. And if you suck at your job and only got it because you are a conservative former reality show contestant who is willing to parrot Republican talking points, then you should be even more concerned about the threat of firing. Elisabeth Hasselbeck of “The View,” who just so happens to be a conservative former reality show contestant who parrots Republican talking points, has come up with a brilliant strategy for staving off her inevitable firing/descent into irrelevance. She keeps getting knocked up! This morning, she announced she’s expecting her third kid.
Continue reading ‘tip of the week: the hasselbeck technique’