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Archive for the 'Saved' Category

when an assistant is king

Anyone who’s worked in an office can tell you that assistants are the rulers of the office - their titles may not make it official, but we all sees what happens when an assistant leaves for a day and the whole place goes to hell because no one else can figure out how to use the telephone. But what happens when an assistant really is royalty? Enter Peggielene Bartels.

Bartels, a native of Ghana, works as a secretary at the Ghanaian embassy in Washington, DC. But one morning her whole life changed:

The 90-year-old king of Otuam, a town of 7,000 residents an hour’s drive from Ghana’s capital, had just died, the caller said. The king, as it happened, was Bartels’s uncle. The town elders had performed a ritual to choose his successor, praying and pouring schnapps on the ground and waiting for steam to rise as they announced the names of 25 relatives. The steam would signify which name the ancestors had blessed as the new king.

Bartels, the caller said, was Otuam’s new Nana, with power to resolve disputes, appoint elders and manage more than 1,000 acres of family-owned land.

Bartels divides her time between Washington and Otuam. She’s even personally funding repairs to the royal palace in Otuam. Here’s to Peggielene - and her kickass work ethic. If I found out I was now royalty, I’d probably not even make it ten minutes before quitting my job, but 55-year-old Peggielene still goes into work and keeps on keeping on.

when layoffs are good for you

Jessica Ward was laid off from her job in the Seattle area last December. Like many of us who have been laid off recently, she was initially angry and hurt. But within a few months she came to realize that getting laid off was one of the best things ever to happen to her. Being unemployed gave her the motivation to start a business she’d been thinking about but never acted on, spend some quality time with her kids, and rethink her notion of what a successful career was. Jessica then wrote an open letter to her former boss, which appeared in BusinessWeek, thanking him for laying her off. Among other things, she writes:

We thought this layoff would be a crushing financial blow and opted to hand-make all of our Christmas gifts. They were a huge hit with our family and friends and we spent several wonderful days together as a family creating them. We didn’t at all miss the experience of circling the mall for hours looking for a parking spot. The kids didn’t sit on Santa’s lap at Macy’s but we did run into him at a neighborhood ice hockey game and snapped a photo. I’ll mail you one.

We wrote out our household budget for the first time ever, and we stuck to it. I wrote a business plan to start my business, and my husband encouraged me to restart the freelance writing career that I’d put on hold six years ago when I got married. Now I work only part-time for myself and I write part time. I never commute. My wonderful kids are thriving. And as for that student loan payment I wasn’t sure I could make in December? I paid the balance of the loan off in full in February, three years ahead of schedule.

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confession time

Hi all, it’s Lilit here.

Do you remember a few weeks ago when I said if I had to choose between my job and my blog I’d choose my blog? Well, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and quit my assistant job. Today’s my last day. As of Monday, October 27 I will have a new, better job at a different company, and the word “assistant” will not appear anywhere in my title.

While I’m thrilled to move on to a new gig, that does mean I feel a little bit disingenuous about running this site. I’m not quitting, because to be entirely honest I sometimes don’t know how not to run this site.

Leaving a job where you’ve spent a lot of time (in my case, two and a half years) feels a little bit like graduating from high school. You start getting nostalgic, remembering all the really great times you had and conveniently forgetting about all the terrible ones. I even made up with my office nemesis.

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the sta interview: julie jackson

Julie Jackson is the editor of Subversive Cross Stitch, and her hilarious needlepoints with messages like “Go Fuck Yourself” and “Kiss My Ass” have won fans around the country. And she used to be an assistant. She talked with STA about her job from hell and how she moved on with her life.

STA: What kind of an assistant were you, and how long did you work in that job?

JJ: I was half of the web team in a very late-to-the-web business; I was there for about a year (luckily, the other half of the web team turned out to be a great ally and friend or I never would have stayed that long!)

STA: Can you tell me one or two of your worst horror stories?

JJ: The whole thing was a disaster because they had no idea about the internet, and they put their marketing person in charge of the web team. This marketing person had never used Amazon, and this was really late in the game, post dot-com boom, like… 2002? 2003? And because she didn’t understand the internet, she couldn’t manage or direct us in any way, which intimidated her, which in turn caused her to wield her management like a huge klunky sword. Every day was a nightmare — it was the kind of job where you could actually help the company if they just trusted you and let you do your thing. But since we were stopped at every single turn and questioned, things moved very slowly. It was incredible how much time and energy they wasted — the other half of the web team was this incredibly talented girl in her twenties who literally could have done it all by herself and made their site incredible overnight, but she was stuck in the mud as well. I kept thinking they’d finally see the light and let us run with it, but it was so micro-managed it went nowhere. It was amazingly frustrating.

A few examples of the boss from hell: she would say things like, “Make sure there’s enough film in the digital camera!”; she would call me and ask me why “all the words were running off of [her]screen” and when I went to her office she was pointing at the air next to her monitor–she didn’t have word wrap on; she would continually try to change things on the web site by actually clicking or highlighting parts of it–in her browser, as if she could just make changes while viewing it; worst of all, she was very religious and would insist on praying, even when it was just you and her in her office talking about something. She always used this last thing in a very passive-aggressive way, like she’d tell me what she wanted me to do differently, then she’d pray, “Jesus, please help Julie find a different way to change the site and find the words for the newsletter, etc…” which made me really uncomfortable. You just wouldn’t believe the nasty way she used her religion to make herself seem cheerful and above the law in all matters while praying for the rest of us to be enlightened to her ways.

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saved: how one assistant got her groove back

save the assistantsWhat if all the horror stories on the site had happy endings? They’d be this column, “Saved,” where saved assistants tell how they finally saw the light and inspire you to do the same. This edition was submitted by reader Helena in New York.

I got a job at the Epitome of Corporate America. I started out just answering the phone. I was hired as a permanent temp in their PR department. I was just excited to have a job that was kind of in my field. I didn’t know much about the industry but I saw it as an opportunity to learn more about the world.

I was a permanent temp because there was not enough money in the Executive Office of the headquarters of Epitome of Corporate America to hire me as a permanent employee. There was however enough money to give the top Executives and the CEO 10s of millions for bonuses every year. I was at the bottom of the totem pole but a few months later they saw that I had a lot to offer and “promoted” me to Executive Assistant. I had two Vice Presidents to handle. One of them was pretty nice but the other one was notorious for micromanaging, acting like a total bitch for no reason and for her revolving door of assistants. I like to call her Three Headed Dog. She tried her hardest to make my life miserable but I was as positive as I could be. People in the department told me that it was a miserable place to work before but I made the office a much nicer place and they were happy to have me. I saw areas where I could be useful and soon I was setting up interviews for senior level employees with top media outlets.

After a while Three Headed Dog didn’t like that I was getting places and eventually her put downs got to me. She got pregnant right after I started working there and her hormones made everything even worse. I decided that her jealousy was not going to get in the way of my job. I loved what I was doing and she was not going to ruin it for me.

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etsy: from crafting spreadsheets to just crafting

homemade natural soapI’m a huge fan of Etsy.com. If you haven’t checked the site out before, it’s like an eBay for independent artists, clothing designers, jewelry designers, and other crafty sorts. That way, they can sell their wares to people all over the world instead of just hitting the local craft fair every Sunday.

Etsy has a great feature called Quit Your Day Job, where successful sellers tell how they were able to parlay their art of choice into a full-time profession. The first-ever person profiled was Dennis Anderson, who went from working at a lawn-care company and working on people’s yards in 100+ degree heat to being able to support himself with his handmade soap business. He and the other profile subjects are some really inspiring people who were able to, in the words of the immortal Tim Gunn, “make it work.”

assistant success story: mrs. mogul

The only thing better than a former assistant done good is a former assistant done good who also gets revenge. Witness the tale of Mrs. Mogul, current music industry mogul and former PR assistant:

Before I moved over here I worked as a music publicist in Soho, Manhattan. I worked at a small PR agency that dealt mainly with British artists. Some of you might have heard of the Chemical Brothers and St. Etienne for instance. My boss was a thirty-something petite brunette who thought she was hot sh*t. In the middle of summer she would come in wearing a black tank and knee high leather boots. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, I just want to poke fun at her. I will name her “Bitch Girl” for the rest of the story. When she hired me, she told me my first project was going to head the PR campaign for a summer music festival as well as help get press for the company’s clients. I got my own office which was nice since I didn’t want to deal with office gossip in the desk pool area.

In my window office was a beat up old Blue Mac and a black phone who were going to be my new best friends. I made the daily pitches to writers and editors, wrote press releases, called more editors, wrote more press releases, you get the drift. Meanwhile, Bitch Girl was in her office on her headset talking about God knows what. She was a paranoid schizo, and you know why? She received daily coke deliveries from messengers. I have no idea how she managed to snort that all up in her tiny nostrils each day.

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horror story: goodnight, hollywood assistant job

This story comes to us courtesy of STA reader “Brett” in L.A. We would like to congratulate Brett on having quit his nightmare assistant job although, as this story teaches us, just because you’ve quit doesn’t mean your job stops ruining your life.

When I gave notice at my job, I had been there seven months to the day. I am (for the next two weeks anyways) an agent’s assistant in Beverly Hills, a living version of Lloyd from Entourage–except not Asian and my personal Ari Gold isn’t as nice. And I’ll bet that Lloyd has health insurance.

Three weeks ago he got upset because I had booked him a lunch on Good Friday, which also happened to be a half day at work. The lunch had been booked several weeks beforehand, at which point we were scheduled for a full work day. In any case, I figured if my boss didn’t want to go, we could just reschedule. I made a point of calling him before he left home to remind him so that if he wanted to go he could dress accordingly.

Unsurprisingly he flipped out, screaming at me for my stupidity for setting the lunch on Good Friday. I responded that I didn’t know it was Good Friday, because I’m not religious. He screamed, “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” and hung up on me. The irony wasn’t lost on anyone, except probably him.

When he got to work, he called me into his office to yell some more, in the process telling me that I didn’t do anything right and never had. If that were the case, I asked, why had he kept me around for the last six months? “BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE!” and if I were really that horrible at my job, why had one of the partners repeatedly asked my boss to let me switch desks and work for him? “BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE!” He then launched into a tirade during which he decided it important to list all of my “fatal flaws,” as he saw them. Icing the cake that was that morning with “I don’t respect you, and you have done NOTHING to deserve my respect.”

Continue reading ‘horror story: goodnight, hollywood assistant job’

kelly clarkson, assistant no more

We love to hear stories about former assistants who done good–after all, we have a category called “Saved” for a reason. And here’s a perfect story: STA Official Girlcrush Kelly Clarkson worked as an assistant twice. Although she was listed as a “cocktail waitress” during her stint on American Idol, Kelly worked as both a zoo assistant and a pharmacy assistant before hitting it big. I have a friend who worked as a zoo assistant, and while I’ll spare you the details of her job I’ll just say that I never realized how much shit can be generated by a single animal. I guess that job prepared Kelly for dealing with Simon Cowell on a regular basis.

Anyway, we’ll close with this quote from Kelly: “If I can wake up everyday before I die and know that I don’t have to serve anyone food or drinks, I will be happy!”

things for which we are giving thanks

Yeah, we know, Thanksgiving isn’t til Thursday. But with so many people off or leaving early tomorrow, we thought we’d go ahead and post a little early.

Top Five Things For Which We Each Are Grateful:

Ashley:

1. One-Year Anniversary of STA, thanks largely to Lilit

2. Workplace Distractions like Ask a Ninja (turn your cubicle into a cubi-kill!) and the Fugs

3. Turkey, and the tryptophan-induced haze that follows

4. Having the whole week off from work

5. No longer working in a Black Tower of Death (the building our former workplace, The Evil Empire, was located in)

Lilit:

1. Being responsible for stuff other than “Refill boss’ coffee mug again” and “Make 2,000 copies by hand”

2. Saying at cocktail parties, “I run a blog about people who hate their jobs.” Especially since the response is usually: “Oh my God, I have to tell you this one story about my boss…”

3. The excuse to watch at least a dozen different Thanksgiving-recipe-related shows on the Food Network.

4. All the assistants who have been saved in the past year.

5. The fact that my and Ashley’s former place of employment still has Save the Assistants blocked from all their company computers. It’s like this old expression…”If they’re shooting at you, you must be doing something right.”

Bonus thing we’re both thankful for: You guys. Yes, you. The ones whose eyeballs just moved over this sentence. There would not be a Save the Assistants without the assistants who write to us, send us horror stories or funny links, enter our giveaways, and email us when they quit their jobs. You guys are the reason we love checking our email every morning and the reason we even update this site when we go on vacation.