Archive for the 'Guest Post' Category

Page 3 of 3

super mario galaxy co-star

Published on February 26, 2008 in Guest Post. 0 Comments

Mooching is a wonderful and truly underrated lifestyle choice. The years of college, and the forced circumstances of living with a roommate are prime time to hone these skills. Now, even as a semi-grownup, I find that I can use these talents to vast benefits. Observe: I enjoy having frequent access to the new Nintendo Wii video game system because my lovely boy happens to have one, and yet I didn’t pay a dime (though, as systems go, it’s relatively affordable). I was even there when he bought the wee Wii last year… we approached the moment with the sincerity and seriousness as one might affect when adopting a child. But it’s all his, and thank heavens we didn’t split the cost on it, or you can imagine the custody battles that would ensue if things should end badly between he and I.

Super Mario Costar

Any STA reader who has had the pleasure of playing “Super Mario Galaxy” on the Wii probably has an inkling of whom I am about to introduce, but let’s unmask our honored guest with some finesse, shall we? Continue reading ’super mario galaxy co-star’

assistants of history: the lady in waiting

Published on February 25, 2008 in Guest Post. Closed

I thought a good start of my momentary vocation here might be to go back to the basics assistant-wise. I mean, really back. Make it challenging.

Thinking grandly for a first topic of entry, I started to query the idea of the notable assistants of history. All these Alexander the Great and Ivan the Terrible, was there never a secretary or assistant or apprentice with such legendary adjectival suffix-age as “the great” or “the terrible”? How about “the obedient,” “the resilient,” or “the indefatigable”?

Could you say that, in the old world scheme of apprenticeship, that many of the greats started as assistants? This would probably not apply to the royals among the figures of history, those born into their station of grandeur. But did the young Florence Nightingale, Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin and Marie Curie all begin their scientific and medical careers as lowly lab assistants, cleaning up after the rats and making tea for their betters? At their beginnings, did Georgia O’Keefe, Leonardo Da Vinci and Claude Monet spend their late nights cleaning brushes by candlelight and stretching canvas for their masters?

With a little research, this topic could amount to a thesis paper, so you’ll forgive me if I cut this short and zoom my focus in on a group of little-glorified and oft-vexed assistants of yore; the Lady In Waiting.

Continue reading ‘assistants of history: the lady in waiting’

guest column: why you shouldn’t bang your coworkers

Published on August 27, 2007 in Guest Post and Survival Guide. 4 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

Josie Jobless is a friend of STA who knows her way around a nightmare assistant job. Last time she stopped by, she gave tips on how to exploit your beleaguered state. Here’s her latest missive:

It’s always a bad idea to fuck a co-worker. You eat shit or shit where you eat—both unpleasant. But if you’re dumb enough to head down this road it’s best not to pick a random co-worker for this mission. Don’t be like Josie– examine your candidates first.

Sometimes, it can be a profitable venture. As an assistant, if you bed your boss or some suit on the right level, you’ll always have the upper hand. You can never be fired and if you feel yourself getting bored by the job or the lover, a quick phone call to HR and the slightest mention of the phrase “sexual harassment” should get you out of the job with a pretty neat severance package.

If you choose not to fuck a superior, bumping uglies with someone on your level is the safest bet. As a peon, no one really cares how you get your kicks. If you’re dating just the right assistant, you can pool resources and suddenly both seem much better at your jobs. Also, fucking just the right assistant will garner all the juicy gossip your boss craves. Or you can also screw a competing assistant and get some dirt on them and take them down. The only risk of such inter-assistant office courtship is that since no one really cares, no one’s got your back in this mess and if it gets ugly you destroy your work and personal life in one fell swoop.

While messy, dating a fellow associate doesn’t quite ruffle anyone’s feathers. The worst way to sleep around work is to break the unspoken codes. Business is about ethics and procedures, many detailed, the most essential are tacit. Understanding office politics is key to getting ahead and if you ignore them sexually, everyone suffers. Don’t have sex with a vague superior. Don’t have sex with your own competition. And don’t ever bed someone who when you get found out you’re both getting fired.

After looking at these options, today’s lesson may just be that it’s best to keep it in your (black, skintight) pants at the office.