Now that Florida “tot mom” Casey Anthony has inexplicably been found not guilty of killing her daughter Caylee, she is going to need something else to do with her time besides be on trial. I have some suggestions!
Visit OJ Simpson in jail
Play self in Lifetime movie
Launch personal style blog
Go to Disneyland (not Universal Studios, obvi)
Write tell all book
Take over Dr. Kevorkian’s practice
Start project to hunt down the real killer
Do sitdown interview with Barbara Walters and/or Diane Sawyer
Finally get around to finishing that PhD in Victorian Poetry
The town of Jeannette, Pennsylvania, has taken a hit from the economic situation. They’ve been forced to lay off some of their city workers – including several police officers and a police dog. That’s right, y’all – a dog. A dog named Wando, specifically. I hope that his layoff compensation plan includes a steady supply of rawhides and cars to chase.
The adorable book Careers for Your Cat by Ann Dziemianowicz is perfect for the recession. I mean, if you need extra money, tell that good-for-nothing pet of yours to stop lying around the house sunning himself all day and start contributing to the household finances. If you’re not sure what kind of job your cat would be best suited for, Dziemianowicz is here to help. Start with the “Meowers-Briggs” personality test to determine what kind of personality your cat has, and then choose a profession based on the results. Basically, I love everything about this book, including the illustrations by Ann Boyajian. As the success of lolcats has shown, cats in outfits making weird faces is always, always funny.
So what are some possible jobs for your lazy, do-nothing Garfield wannabe of a kitten?
Does your cat like to chase and collect shiny things? Maybe he should open his own art gallery!
Is she known for her sharp claws? Perhaps she’d make a good lobbyist.
If he loves to sleep on books, that could be a sign he’s destined to become a librarian.
No, it’s not a fancy promotion or incriminating knowledge about your boss’ extracurricular activities… it’s a gun that shoots Post-It notes at people! Let’s all pretend Romy and Michele invented it, shall we?
This is even better than a staple gun – so subtle, so nefarious, so yellow.
Glaceau Vitaminwater (which is owned by Coke) has ads up in London that encourages people to drink Vitaminwater in order to stay healthy. However, they take that conceit one step further by adding “The trick is to stay perky and use sick days to just not go in.” Obviously, this ad pissed off some corporate-types who think you should come into work even if you’re on your deathbed.
The U.K.’s Forum of Private Business has spoken out against the ad. A spokesperson said, “It is unacceptable to encourage workers to throw ’sickies’ in order to sell a soft drink. A company of the standing of Coca-Cola should know better.” The group claims that employee absence costs the U.K. economy $18.5 billion a year in lost work days.
The Vitaminwater ads also provide a good excuse for when you want to a fake a sick day: “”Just stick with the ever-elusive ‘24-hour bug’ — no one can prove a thing.”
