Archive for the 'Holidays' Category

Page 3 of 5

people we’d like to throw to the grinch/see in a manger

Published on December 21, 2007 in Holidays. 0 Comments

Based on their assistant-related activities this past year, we’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the following offenders/saints. Ho ho ho.  

 Throw to the Grinch:

Put ‘em in a manger, all glowy (though they could probably get in themselves, being as they don’t need an assistant):

horror story: a tale of two holiday parties

Published on December 18, 2007 in Holidays and Horror Stories. 0 Comments

The director of sales decided to throw a big party for his sales team and some of the admin that work in that department. this is a direct copy and paste of the invitation that was sent out to everyone but 5 people in the company, with instruction to not discuss this party with the 5 people or forward the invitation to them. Here it is, in all its misspelled glory:

We are very pleased to present, our visiting chef, ashok the great, formerly of the village of Bombay. The great will be presenting exotic dishes not tasted since the days before they were declared not politically correct by members of the world community visiting the aboriginal headhunters of borneo. The great will be assisted by our resident vegitarian chef, steve, formerly of the villages of Tokyo and London, and miss sarah & miss celine, exotic beauties imported directly from los angeles, just for this event. in addition to the cuisines from borneo, we will also have alternative foods for those less adventurous souls who are “faint of stomach”. Our selected bartender has been incarcerated for an indefinite period, due to tax fraud, the bombing of the world trade towers and terrorist activities in London and spain. If you know of a artender, who is not currently serving time in Guantanamo, please have her contact us asap! Please rsvp to one of the hosts. this invitation is exclusive to your use. Only vips are being invited and honored. Notes: – all food is served ala carte and is priced accordingly. Any substitutions or changes will be charged at a higher rate. Dishes start as low as 99 cents. Alcohol ic and other beverages are priced per drink and start at 999 cents. A 4100 per person damage deposit should be submitted to the great prior to the gathering. (4150 at the door”). raffle entries are required and are 41,000 each for the chance to win a fully paid trip to south central or beautiful downtown Ontario.

Continue reading ‘horror story: a tale of two holiday parties’

tip of the week: rein it in at the holiday party

Published on December 18, 2007 in Holidays, Horror Stories and Tip of the Week. 0 Comments

Remember: your office holiday party is not like your best friend’s holiday party. Just because the names are the same does not mean they are the same thing. At your friend’s party, you should feel free to get as hammered as you want. Get drunk, say something embarrassing, maybe hook up with someone in the linen closet. But at the work party? No matter how many drinks you’ve had, your boss is still your boss, and still has the authority to fire you. Witness the following email that circulated around a London company after their party:

From: Mark XXXX
Sent: 14 December 2007 11:43
To: . All RED All Users
Subject: Extra Curricular Activities

Good Morning Everyone,

This morning the Office Manager from Sthree (company that occupies the 2nd floor) informed me that last night two people were caught enjoying ‘relations’ on one of their desks. The member of staff from Sthree was working late and heard something going on around the corner, after deciding to investigate he discovered the couple having sex and to his astonishment they noticed that he had noticed, but decided to continue anyway. Once ‘finished’ the lady in high boots asked the member of staff if there was a toilet she could borrow. Classy!

Ok, this does raise a few questions. If a horny couple decided to enter the office from the street they would have had to get past the main street doors without a fob and into Sthree’s offices without a fob, which is a bit tricky. Sthree’s main reception door in situated in the main atrium and is always open. Therefore, there is a good chance that they were already in the building. The member of staff describes them as dressed casually, pretty much like we are dressed most days. Also they appeared to be under the influence of alcohol…oh, that’s right we have a free bar on the 5th floor.

So, the message here is quite clear, please make sure you know who is coming in the door behind you, make sure you can trust your friends when they visit the bar and make sure all office staff have gone home!

Thanks

Mark

P.S. If anyone does know who the copulating couple were, you can drop me a little email to save me the task of trailing through a whole evenings worth of CCTV! Thanks.

the truth behind office secret santas

Published on December 14, 2007 in Holidays. 0 Comments

This may shock the few people who have never gotten a chintzy picture frame or box of stale candy from a coworker, but a poll in Canada shows that most people throw away their office “Secret Santa” gifts. The problem with “Secret Santas” at work (besides the fact that there’s always a token Jew) is that the person who pulls your name, 99 percent of the time, is the old biddy with five cats who never misses a chance to tell you how much she disapproves of your hair/clothes/significant other/life in general. Which means that her gift to you will be something “helpful” like a copy of The Rules.

One question, though…do they not have regifting in Canada?

tip of the week: give back

Published on December 11, 2007 in Holidays. 0 Comments

This is the time of year when everyone talks about ‘giving back.’ And as broke-ass assistants, we often think we’d love to give but can barely afford to keep ourselves alive. But helping others is great karma, and it puts things in perspective. Even if you don’t have cash to spare, there are other ways to help. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate old clothes to the Salvation Army, or sign up to tutor kids at the local high school. Some charities also accept stuff instead of money. Here are some charities we really like:

  • Heifer International
    This organization donates an animal to a family in need, who can then become more self-sufficient. Choose from cows, sheep, rabbits, goats, pigs, and more.
  • Donors Choose
    On this website, teachers from around the country write proposals for projects they’d like to do but don’t have funding for. You can choose a project to fund all or part of, whether it’s buying costumes for the school play or funding a nature hike so kids can learn about insects.
  • Books for Soldiers
    If you have too many stacks of books cluttering your apartment, consider giving some to this charity, which gives soldiers reading material to help fill those long hours away from their families.
  • Dogs for the Deaf
    Blind people aren’t the only ones who can benefit from a service animal. Dogs for the Deaf rescues dogs from shelters and teaches them to become companions and helpers to the hearing-impaired.
  • Locks of Love
    The next time you decide your hair needs a change, remember that if you cut off ten inches or more you can donate your hair to Locks of Love, which makes wigs for children going through chemotherapy.
  • Cell Phones for Life
    Just bought a new cell phone? Instead of tossing your old one, give it to this group, who will donate the phone to a battered woman. Having a phone of her own means she can stay away from the person abusing her or be able to call the police if she’s being harmed.
  • Dress for Success
    This organization helps women in shelters or living on public assistance to get the skills and clothing they need to interview for jobs. You can donate suits and shoes, give money, or even offer your hair styling/makeup artist skills to your local chapter.

happy 1st birthday, sta

Published on December 3, 2007 in Holidays. 0 Comments

On December 1, 2006, we officially launched Save the Assistants. While some things haven’t changed (the banner photo, the boss hatred), some things have (we added new sections, like “Holidays,” “Buzzwords,” and “Saved”). In honor of STA’s first birthday, we’d each like to share with you a couple of our favorite posts from the last year.

LILIT:

Horror Story: How to Work a Camera
This was one our first submissions, and one of the most popular ones ever. Simple but brilliant: an assistant has to draw a ‘map’ of her boss’ new camera because he can’t be bothered to read the fucking directions. I still laugh every time I look at this.

Ricki Lake’s Assistant Needs a Raise
We’ve heard some pretty crazy celeb-assistant stories, but this one may be the worst of all: Ricki Lake’s assistant apparently had to clean up after Lake gave birth to her kid in her bathtub. Thanks to this story, Ashley and I have conversations about what stuff to post on the site that usually involve the question, “But is it as bad as cleaning up Ricki Lake’s afterbirth?”

Please Give a Warm Welcome to…
The first appearance of Cabana Dan. Sigh.

ASHLEY:
Horror Story: Mad Scientist
We get a lot of horror stories, obviously, but this one stands out because of the completely awesome retribution the assistant wreaks on her former employer. After enduring verbal abuse and a flying Petri dish, this former assistant won a hearing against her boss. The verdict? The abusive boss is not allowed to have an assistant ever again. Vengeance is fucking sweet. And think of all the assistants she saved. If I was Catholic, I’d nominate this person for sainthood.

Horror Story: My Boss Had a Problem with her Va-jay-jay
I think Lilit and I will agree that any task involving your boss’s nether regions should never be part of a job description unless the initials OB and GYN are involved. I love this story because my brother’s second cousin’s girlfriend’s sister may or may not know the douchebag boss involved and said brother’s second cousin’s girlfriend’s sister may or may not think it’s hilarious to think of said boss’s face when she read it on our site for the first time. (And again, see above re: vengeance.)

A New Bossary: Which Mythical Creature is Your Boss?
Some bosses wail and scream (banshee), others suck the life from you (incubus/succubus), and still others want to eat your firstborn (evil troll). Honestly though, we wouldn’t need to come up with this stuff if there wasn’t so much material in real life.

office etiquette: should you buy a present for your boss?

Published on November 29, 2007 in Holidays and Survival Guide. 0 Comments

It’s that time of year again: office holiday parties, Secret Santas, and (let’s hope) end of the year bonuses. And here’s an important etiquette question: should you get your boss a gift?

Maybe your office is really small and the kind of place where you can’t omit one person from your gift list without being really obvious. Maybe you pulled his name in the Secret Santa pool. Or maybe you actually kind of like your boss. (Ha, just kidding.)

First thing, do some reasearch. Find out if he got a gift from an employee last year and, if so, what it was. That will help you set some guidelines in terms of what’s appropriate and how much to spend. You should also try to find out if he got anyone a gift last year. If he tends to stiff his assistants, there’s no point trying to buy his love.

Even if you know your boss is the world’s biggest Lynrd Skynrd fan, it’s probably smart not to buy him some kind of Skynrd memorabilia. Your boss is not your brother or your best friend. Our general rule of thumb: get your boss something that would be appropriate to give to a client you don’t know very well. Think a bag of gourmet coffee or a nice bottle of wine, not concert tickets or a book. A lot of assistants spend so much time dealing with their boss’ personal matters that they think they know everything about him. But we say…let his family get him more personalized presents.

For more suggestions, click here.

things for which we are giving thanks

Published on November 20, 2007 in Holidays and Saved. 0 Comments

Yeah, we know, Thanksgiving isn’t til Thursday. But with so many people off or leaving early tomorrow, we thought we’d go ahead and post a little early.

Top Five Things For Which We Each Are Grateful:

Ashley:

1. One-Year Anniversary of STA, thanks largely to Lilit

2. Workplace Distractions like Ask a Ninja (turn your cubicle into a cubi-kill!) and the Fugs

3. Turkey, and the tryptophan-induced haze that follows

4. Having the whole week off from work

5. No longer working in a Black Tower of Death (the building our former workplace, The Evil Empire, was located in)

Lilit:

1. Being responsible for stuff other than “Refill boss’ coffee mug again” and “Make 2,000 copies by hand”

2. Saying at cocktail parties, “I run a blog about people who hate their jobs.” Especially since the response is usually: “Oh my God, I have to tell you this one story about my boss…”

3. The excuse to watch at least a dozen different Thanksgiving-recipe-related shows on the Food Network.

4. All the assistants who have been saved in the past year.

5. The fact that my and Ashley’s former place of employment still has Save the Assistants blocked from all their company computers. It’s like this old expression…”If they’re shooting at you, you must be doing something right.”

Bonus thing we’re both thankful for: You guys. Yes, you. The ones whose eyeballs just moved over this sentence. There would not be a Save the Assistants without the assistants who write to us, send us horror stories or funny links, enter our giveaways, and email us when they quit their jobs. You guys are the reason we love checking our email every morning and the reason we even update this site when we go on vacation.

happy veteran’s day

Published on November 12, 2007 in Holidays. 0 Comments

Veteran’s Day is an important American holiday that acknowledges the men and women who have served their country. Schools, banks, public buildings, and government offices are all closed today. Your office, however, might not be. Witness this conversation sent in by an STA reader in New York:

Setting: Interior. A coporate office in Manhattan. An assistant’s phone rings.

Assistant: Hello?

Person on the other end: Hey, [assistant], it’s [higher-up colleague]. I was just wondering, is today a holiday?

Assistant: Yes, it is. Just not here.

my boss’ big fat mouth

Published on November 7, 2007 in Holidays and Horror Stories. 0 Comments

This is STA’s 100th Horror Story! And yeah, it’s a bad one.

My boss (she’s a PR exec) called me fat. Not to my face, but to the rest of the company, behind my back. First of all, I’m in good shape, but would it matter if I wasn’t? My job has nothing to do with my looks, and she’s twice my age and should know better than to say things like that about people. I found out after a work party that my boss had made these comments about my size to several coworkers after I wore a nice dress to work. My boss said “Oh, she looks like she has a job interview today, well, too bad she spent so much money on that dress only to have her fat gut poking out.” I wasn’t interviewing for other jobs that day, but I guess now I should. –Submitted by Izzie, New York City