Archive for the 'Holidays' Category

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passover and assistants

Published on April 18, 2008 in Holidays and Manifestos. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

The Jewish holiday of Passover starts this weekend. There are two reasons I am mentioning this.

1. It means that all of next week I will not be eating anything leaven, which means bread, rice, pasta, beer (beer!), and the like. Because carbs make up an abnormally high percentage of my favorite foods, I am going to be a very grumpy Lilit. I can’t even have croutons in my salad. It’s killing me. Please excuse any posts that sound a little snippy. I really do love carbohydrates, y’all.

2. Passover is a holiday commemorating the Exodus–when the Jews, who were slaves, were freed from their bondage in Egypt. Maybe it’s a stretch, but the Exodus story is at the core of what Save the Assistants represents. There’s a line in the Passover prayers: “Because we were once slaves, and now we are free, may we help all who are slaves to become free.” I was once an office slave, and now I am free. My job is to run this site and help other office slaves who want to become free. That is the job of all of us who were in terrible situations and got out–we owe an obligation to help other assistants, to be nice to that new girl in the office even though she’s really annoying, to bail out the temp who can’t figure out how to use the copier, to help your brother write his first resume.

So happy Passover to all of you who are celebrating, and a great weekend to those of you who are not.

screw the assistants, save the bosses

Published on April 1, 2008 in Holidays. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Ashley here. Lilit and I have to come clean about something, and as much as it’s going to be painful and probably rock worlds in bad ways, it just needs to be done.

For the past several months, Lilit and I have been relying on an intern. An unpaid intern. We realize this might sound hypocritical, but we both have full-time jobs and we have lives. We don’t have time anymore to stay online until the wee hours of the night, especially because we both have boyfriends, too, and it gets harder and harder to explain to them a) what we’re doing, and b) what a blog is (they’re hot, but dim).

Anyway, the thing is that we’ve had a string of unpaid interns – three interns over five months – so we’re starting to worry that we’ve become bad bosses somehow. Lilit can be a massive bitch, with her taskmistress ways, and I think my sarcasm probably doesn’t translate well over email (which is fine, because usually my sarcasm is actually masking some kind of hypercritical, passive aggressive attitude).

We’re writing this posting because our latest intern, Britney, didn’t show up for work last night. She said she didn’t mind the graveyard shift, and was happy enough with the coffee and croutons we paid her in – “I just want to be part of the revolution,” is what she told us. Apparently after a week, she couldn’t hang.

So, STA readers, is it us? Are we the culprits here, or are we just unfortunate enough to find the laziest, least motivated unpaid interns out there?

Help us help ourselves.

Thanks,

Ashley & Lilit

a new version of ‘office space’

Published on March 24, 2008 in Holidays and Video. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Sorry it’s a day late, but we couldn’t pass up a chance to share this video of Office Space reenacted with those adorably gooey marshmallow Peeps.

for st. paddy’s day: what mythical creature is your boss?

Published on March 17, 2008 in Cabana Dan and Holidays. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Even though mythical creatures don’t really have anything to do with St. Patrick’s Day, all this talk of leprechauns sparked an idea. Our Bossary seems to be pretty popular, so we thought we’d change it up a bit today. We all know you poor assistants out there are the fairy princesses trapped in black towers of death, so the question is, which monster is holding you captive?

Banshee: Let’s face it: most bosses have a bit o’ the banshee in them. Their wailing makes your blood run cold, not only because it sounds so god-awful, but because you know it heralds doom. Usually your doom.

Evil Troll: This fellow lives in a corner office rather than under a bridge, but he will still probably eat a baby if given the opportunity. In addition to his hefty toll of babies and souls, the evil troll will demand service that seems likely to last for an eternity. You’ll find yourself in a long, drawn-out, carrot-dangling journey through the seven levels of hell as you search for that one piece of golden thread that might set you free. If you find it, the evil troll will just say it’s his and then demand more babies.

Cerberus: Cerberus wasn’t so bad on his own. But he’s the guardian of the gates of hell. Many middle managers aren’t bad people until they’re given a tiny bit of access to power, and suddenly they turn into three-headed demons who think that their closeness to power makes them more badass than they are.

Cyclops: Big, dumb and lacking perspective, the cyclops destroys everything you’ve worked for with one clumsy gesture. You’re smarter than the cyclops, but he’s meaner. But there is hope: while brute strength counts for a lot, you’re younger and more agile. And you have two eyes. Use them to your advantage.

Harpy: Relentless and mean, the harpy swoops in when you least expect it and hounds you until you do whatever it is that she wants. In the typically gender-biased realm of mythical creature sociology, harpies are female. But after running this site for so long, we can assure you that relentless badgering is done equally by male and female bosses.

Succubus/Incubus: The most dreaded boss of all – they seduce you just to suck the soul out of you. Often found prowling the cubicles for fresh meat, these creatures will ravage you when you least expect it.

(Don’t worry – Cabana Dan will be your knight in shining mankini. And he’ll ride in on a unicorn.)

the president has 1,800 assistants

Published on February 18, 2008 in Holidays. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Yep, the president’s support staff consists of 1,800 people in the Executive Office of the President. It wasn’t created until 1939, but we doubt that means the president was typing up his own memos until then. Congress created the support staff under Franklin D. Roosevelt, presumably to help him roll out The New Deal, and it’s since grown to include everything from regular assistants to staff that are essentially obligated to take a bullet for their boss. You better hope your nightmare boss doesn’t get a hold of that job description.

happy valentine’s day from cabana dan

Published on February 14, 2008 in Cabana Dan and Holidays. 0 Comments

send a friend some valentine love

Published on February 13, 2008 in Holidays and Junk Drawer. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

ABC.com has some super cute e-Valentines with characters from their shows Lost, Grey’s Anatomy, and Ugly Betty on them. They’re adorable and don’t need stamps. Check out a great workplace-themed one STA reader Sherry sent us here.

happy MLK day

Published on January 21, 2008 in Holidays. 0 Comments

At my former job, a companywide email went out announcing that we would be expected to work on Martin Luther King Day. A collective groan went up around the office- everyone had expected the day off. Soon after this announcement, there was another email- this one from building management. It turned out that of all the hundred-something companies in our building, we were the only one who would be working that day. The building would not even have heat that day, and all maintenance employees were off-duty. Finally, admitting defeat, our CEO relented and gave us the day off.

Martin Luther King once said that no one can ever jump on your back unless you bend it. He probably wasn’t envisioning that his words would mean so much to a white girl from the suburbs who worked in a corporate office building, but a week and a half after that on-and-off holiday I finally quit my job. I was tired of playing a role in my own oppression. The day I walked out of there was the first time in months I realized that I was no longer bending my back.  

Here’s another quote from Dr. King, who I strongly suspect would champion the rights of the assistant class: “I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a “thing-oriented” society to a “person-oriented” society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.”

Happy Martin Luther King Day, whether you’re in the office or not.

-Lilit

happy brain-autopilot day!

Published on January 2, 2008 in Holidays. 0 Comments

You may not realize this, but January 2 is a well known international holiday. Its full name is “Fuck This Shit We Don’t Want to Go Back to Work Yet Day.”

Since that’s a bit of a mouthful, we usually just abbreviate it to “Fuck this shit.“

happy 2008 from save the assistants

Published on January 1, 2008 in Holidays and Survival Guide. 0 Comments

Happy New Year! We hope that you’re not working today, but if you are we’re still posting so that you’ll have something to read besides files and excel spreadsheets.

Suggested Resolutions for Beleaguered Assistants

  1. Spruce up your resume. Depending what kinds of jobs you’re applying for, have 2-3 resumes. For example, have one you can send in for administrative jobs, one you can send in for creative jobs, etc.
  2. Hit the ground running. Check the classifieds or your job websites of choice every day.
  3. Follow up. Confirm that your resume was received. Then after you interview, send a thank-you email to the person who interviewed you.
  4. Get involved in an “extracurricular” activity. Even if you feel drained every day when you get home from work, find a charity, creative group, or social club to be part of. Make sure you spend part of every day doing something that isn’t your shitty job. The bonus side of this feel-good activity is that it also serves as a form of networking. You never know when your new friend from your knitting club will know about a job opening that’s perfect for you.
  5. Never forget that you are not your job. You are not defined by the number of files you file in a day or the number of phone calls you transfer. You are an interesting, creative, unique person, and once you start forgetting that you’re lost to your horrible job.