Assistants are far from being the only mistreated ones in the office. This horror story comes via The Angry Office Manager who is, well, an office manager.
It was Dana who interviewed for my Office Manager position at GoGorilla Media. It was Dana who officially hired me over the phone; and on my first day, it was Dana who enthusiastically greeted me as I got off the elevator. She asked me if she could call me Mandy. I only go by Mandy with my close friends and my family, because I’m just not a Mandy. But when she called to offer me the job, I had just set up an Ebay account to sell my only pair of Prada shoes, so in my mind, she saved me and could call me whatever she wanted.
Dana had set up my desk with colorful pens and markers, the kind you ogle at art stores, but never actually buy, because although you covet them, it just seems too silly to spend money on such things. She had written me a welcome note on yellow construction paper and covered it in stars and hearts and smiley faces and everything else that a thirteen year old might draw on the cover of her notebook. It was Dana that I fired, inadvertently, a mere three months later.
Continue reading ‘horror story: beware of the cobra’
I work at a publishing company. A paperback edition of this book we did that won a Pulitzer was about to come out, and even though basically anyone at our company can get a copy of any of our books that they want, the paperbacks of this book were on lockdown. One of my best work friends is an assistant in the PR department, and she managed to sneak me a copy because she knows the writer is my favorite author. She left it on my desk while I was at lunch with a little note attached to it. I never saw the book. When I got back from lunch my (male) boss handed me a gift bag with tissue paper and bows on it and ordered me to have it messengered to his girlfriend. It turns out he’d seen the book on my desk and decided she would like it and wrapped it up before I could take it for myself! I didn’t realize what had happened until my friend in PR asked me what I thought of the book and then the next day the boss’ girlfriend sent an email gushing about how much she liked the book. I guess I should have thought it was weird that he wrapped something himself instead of making me do it. How fucked up is it when a boss has to steal from an assistant?
–Submitted by “Trixie,” New York City
Recently fired Star Editor in Chief Bonnie Fuller is not going to have many coworkers crying when they see her walk away. An insider had some BF horror stories to tell Gawker:
Having a clothing allowance: Normal. Not being able to find the right bra for an event, even after having your fashion editor call in numerous freebies, driving her to hand over the still-warm bra off her back: Not normal. (Fuller denies this, claiming, “I’m not a big clothes sharer.”) Asking an editorial assistant to do a certain number of personal errands, like picking up the dry cleaning or wrapping presents: Normal. Purportedly asking assistant to wash out your breast pump: Not normal! (Fuller does not recall asking anyone to do this. “Could one of my assistants, being thoughtful, have done it? I don’t know. I’m oblivious.”)
Bonnie was such a bad boss, there’s an entire website devoted to hating her. If the anonymous source who started the site ever wants to tell more horror stories, we happen to know a blog that might be interested.
[Side note: Bonnie, the correct answer to the question posed on the cover of your magazine, "Did Tom leave Penelope for Nicole?" is "No."]
I should have known things would go horribly wrong when on my first day of work my new boss introduced me around as her SECOND assistant. I have no problems working as someone’s second assistant to a busy/important person, but she DIDN’T HAVE a first assistant. When I questioned her about this, she told me I wasn’t qualified to do the job – regardless of my previous experience and prestigious university degree. This was just a way to degrade whoever sat in the chair outside her office. This sentiment was reinforced by her comment of “The only reason I hired you was to have a warm body outside my office.”
She used to constantly insult me, but would phrase it in such a way that in her mind she probably thought she was being nice. For example, she would use lines such as “It’s a good thing you are attractive, because you aren’t too bright.” It would be impossible to do complete the simplest tasks because in true Devil Wears Prada fashion, she would say things like “Get me that thing I had yesterday.” (Which thing?) or “Call that guy I want to speak to!” (Who?).
Continue reading ‘horror story: gone in a second’
Lately it seems like every time I sign on to yahoo.com I see articles like, “Top five reasons you know it’s time to leave your job.” I never read them. I think it would depress me too much. I’m well aware I need to leave my job, but I can’t seem to find another that wouldn’t just suck worse . Besides, today I came up with my own reason you know it’s time to leave your job.
You know it’s time to find a new job when you get excited because you have to go to the bathroom. This makes you happy because for a few brief moments you are alone (well hopefully) With that bathroom stall closed and locked you have your very own mini-vacation. No ringing phones, no papers to copy, collate or staple, no disgruntled boss screaming instructions at you. This is all in theory I suppose. I am at the very least, lucky enough to not have my work follow me into the ladies room.
–Submitted by Scarlet, Nowheresville, NC
We can never say it enough: be careful on the internets, people. Don’t post myspace pictures of yourself drunk when you’re supposed to be home sick. Periodically Google yourself to make sure nothing embarrassing shows up on the first page or two. And, thanks to the assistant to the editor of New Criterion, we can add to that list: do not write embarrassing craigslist personal ads easily tracked to you. Assistant Jennifer placed a personal ad looking for a boyfriend in NYC. There’s plenty of “cover the eyes and shake head” stuff in here: namely, that men under 35 “are too immature to hold hands with, let alone kiss” and she describes herself as “My ass and legs look hot in jeans as well as slutty skirts or feminine dresses. Full lips, great breasts, adorable pretty face, and a intelligent, sensual, and also highly affectionate sex appeal that you will love.”
The lesson? Do not do this. Unless you are weird and get off at the idea of people pointing and laughing at you on Gawker.
There are many levels of bad bosses. There are ones who make you pick up their dry cleaning. There are ones who drag you into their family problems. But it seems that ex-boy band guru Lou Pearlman (who is responsible for launching the careers of groups like ‘N Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and O-Town) was the worst kind of bad boss: the kind who asked for sexual favors. Pearlman’s former assistant Steve Mooney is interviewed in the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. He began working for Pearlman when he was 20 and made it clear that he was interested in joining O-Town. Here’s what Mooney said happened:
The magazine reports that “during the final stages of the O-Town selection process[,] Pearlman was resisting his entreaties to join the group. According to Phoenix Stone, who consulted on the selection process, he and Pearlman were at his home late one night discussing Mooney’s future when Pearlman telephoned Mooney, explaining he needed someone to take out the garbage.”
When he arrived, Mooney asked Pearlman, “What do I have to do to get in this band? I’ll never forget this as long as I live. He leaned back in his chair, in his white terry-cloth robe and white underwear, and spread his legs. And then he said, and these were his exact words, ‘You’re a smart boy. Figure it out.’” He left.
You can read more about Mooney’s allegations here.
I work at a law firm. One of the partners has a rep for screaming at his paralegal from across the office (and it’s a big office). I can handle the yelling, but he does this other thing that just makes me nuts. He yells shit like “I NEED 20 COPIES OF THIS DOCUMENT WHEN THE CLIENT GETS HERE,” and then when we all make pitying faces at his paralegal he tacks on, ‘…PLEASE.’ in his same yelly voice. Always the same thing, beginning with I NEED and ending with …PLEASE. Today he even yelled his lunch order to her, “I NEED A TUNA MELT WITH EXTRA CHEESE NOW……..PLEASE.” Our theory is that someone tipped him off once to the fact that he sounded like an ass and now he adds “please” at the end of whatever he says to make it sound like he’s polite. Whatever. It still doesn’t make him less of an ass. –Submitted by Julia, New York City
I used to work at two hospitals, and both the directors can only be described as the living breathing definitions of a bureaucrat.
For one, in an effort to “save money”, he eliminated the top pay grade from as many staff as he possibly could. That alone earned him a $65,000 bonus, which he promptly bought a decked out Mustang with to flaunt in our face. Also, a prominent cardiologist came to do a prentation, and he was in attendance. He interrupted the cardiologist mid-sentence, and asked “Who are you again, and how do you affect my position here?” The best one for him, though, was during a town-hall meeting with employees, patients, and the public. Someone stood up, and made the suggestion that he go out and visit patients and employees to see how they’re doing, etc. His exact response: “I don’t think so.” When he finally left to go to another hospital, perhaps two people were tthere for his send-off because they were sad to see him go. The rest of us were there to make sure he’d go!
The other director was about as bad. He was a part of the “boy’s club”, and anyone who didn’t play along was immediately suspecious and prevented from having anything resembling a decent position. The chief of Rehabilitation, who had been there since before had officially opened, was one of the most respected people in the hospital, and routinely had the highest patient and employee satisfaction year after year, as well as the lowest employee turnover, something which made other department chiefs very jealous. Because she wasn’t part of the club, they decided to oust her by merging her department with Dental, making the head of Dental (who was one of the director’s cronies) the new head of the combined department. Two years later, in a “Whoops, sorry!” moment, they split the departments back out, hiring a new guy as the head of Rehab. In protest, a third of the staff left immediately, since they were all hired by the former chief, and the former chief of Rehab also left because her new boss denied her leave to go help her daughter when her daughter was due with her first baby, a rather blatent violation of the Family Medical Leave Act, seeing as she had probably six months of sick leave saved up.–Submitted by Paul
First thing one morning I am called to ”Employee X”’s department to view something on the floor in her kitchenette. End result is on the floor in front of the sink is a LARGE pair of damp panties. Now as Health/Safety/Security person I am ultimately the one to deal with this along with our boss. She had spent the night (AGAIN) and was a no show in the AM. She called and left a message on the answering machine that she had to go to the doctor and would be in at 1.
Now this isn’t the first time she “worked late” and then didn’t come to work but it is the first time she has left underwear on the floor. I am now forced to go to the Security office to view video from 4 cmaeras to make sure no one else was on the floor at 3 Am and that she wasn’t attacked or anything horrible. Also not the first time she has caused more work for others by her actions. Her staff is freaking out wondering why there is wet underwear on the floor and are they safe and can they sit in their chairs or are they dirty etc. After repeated phone messages to her she finally calls in and tells the big boss’ assistant that she was “working late” and had “an accident” and had to change her underwear and she would appreciate if it was never brought up again.
He accepts this as perfectly normal until I mention that removing one’s underwear in an area where food is heated and washing them in the sink isn’t a great thing and now we have to worry about urine on her chair and on the carpet. Her staff is really freaking out. She always stays until 2 or 3 or 4 in the morning going through computers and desks while sitting in their chairs. No one wants to sit down now with good reason. Best part is our big boss gets mad and yells at me for bringing up the concerns and questioning why she is in the building at 3 AM peeing in her chair and getting naked in the kitchen.
His assistant had to sit down with her and ask the detailed questions of where she was sitting when she had her “accident” do we need to have the chairs cleaned, the carpet cleaned, why was she taking clothes off in the kitchen and not using the gym facility downstairs etc. She became offended that the questions were asked she she was working so hard at night. Never mind the computer files were never accessed and the volume of backlogged work never decreased.–Submitted By “A”
