Columnist Meredith Pro Tem is clearly jealous of all the attention being piled on the assistants who have been linked to David Letterman. In her most recent article, she reminisces about when she had a chance to be ‘the other woman’ for a celebrity. (However, her boss didn’t even so much as hit on her, that cad.) Anyhow, here’s the story about her past assistant experience:
My best shot at being the young Other Woman came and went in the mid 1990s. For a short time I did some side work as a personal assistant to a cast member on “Saturday Night Live.” As part of the gig, it was necessary for me to be involved in almost all aspects of his life, including spending time at his apartment with his wife and baby. I’d be kicking myself now for having missed out on the chance to be a (retired) star in my own right if I hadn’t since learned that he’s gay.
“My house is like a Benetton ad. I have French nannies, my security guards are Israeli, I have assistants from Argentina and Puerto Rico as well as a Japanese assistant and chef, and another chef from Italy. It’s wonderful. I love it.”
- Madonna in Rolling Stone
[Side note: does she mean she has a Japanese assistant and a Japanese chef, or that one person from Japan is both an assistant and a chef? Because that is one combo job I've definitely not heard yet.]
Man, has it been one heck of a 24 hours in assistant-related drama for Jamie Kennedy.
This morning, Perez Hilton reported that Kennedy was cheating on his current girlfriend, actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, with his ex-girlfriend, former Britney Spears assistant Shannon Funk. That info in itself is pretty juicy and worthy of an STA post. However, it gets so much better.
Later today, another post appeared on Perez. This one outed the “source” on the original story as Jamie’s assistant, Miguel, who has been fired:
Miguel went nuts and started making shit up. This is a David Spade situation, where the assistant gets jealous of the star’s lifestyle and snaps. Miguel snapped and started texting Love late at night and just being a freak. Then he tried to take Jamie down by making shit up. Jamie’s lucky he didn’t get tazered in his sleep by this guy!
It’s never fun to report the death of an assistant. Last week, longtime assistant Michael Davison, who worked for Warren Beatty, Barry Diller, and Nicolas Cage, was killed in a car accident while on vacation in Hawaii. An obituary in the Hollywood Reporter referred to Davison as “one of the most experienced and respected personal assistants in the entertainment industry.”
Courteney Cox has a new show (the horrifyingly named Cougar Town), and that means she’s doing a whole slew of interviews to promote it. Her interview in the L.A. Times is a pretty classic example of how celebrities try to look endearing. Those steps are below, with appropriate corresponding Cox quotes.
1. Tell some anecdote about how ‘normal’ you are, with bonus points if it relates to being a mom.
“Recently my daughter had lice. OK? Wasn’t fun. Became a big outbreak in the house.”
2. Blame paparazzi and/or “the media” for getting in the way of you trying to be all normal all the time.
When Cox went on a non-picturesque errand to buy anti-lice nit combs at Hair Fairies, a.k.a. “The Head Lice Helpers,” three paparazzi were accompanying her.
3. End by reminding everyone how not normal you are, thus revealing your complete lack of perspective.
“So I stayed in the car, and I called up my assistant, and I said, ‘Dude, I can’t get out of the car.’ So that’s the only problem.”
Great try, Courteney! However, making your assistant buy lice combs for your kid is on par with making him or her (I consider using the word “dude” gender-neutral) take your kid on a tour of the sewer. Also… when you referred to that lice “outbreak” earlier, who exactly were you talking about? Because I know you don’t have any other kids, so was it you who also got lice? The nanny? Or perhaps … the assistant?
It’s been an interesting few weeks for ex-assistant lawsuits, hasn’t it? First Patricia Heaton, and now newly-minted Emmy winner Tyra Banks. TMZ, who apparently has a staffer permanently camped out at the Los Angeles County courthouse, has obtained a copy of a lawsuit against Tyra by one of her former assistants, Richard Thomas:
Thomas is suing for back wages plus a little extra. The complaint says Thomas wants the money for “services rendered as assistant and advisor.”
Exactly what kind of “advising” was he doing? Did he just tell her which of the two wigs she was choosing between looked prettier on her? And doesn’t $5K seem like kind of a small lawsuit? This does not seem to be as juicy as the Patricia Heaton lawsuit, but you never know.
I’ve always disliked Patricia Heaton for no good reason (OK, maybe because of the whole hypocritical “criticizing people who get plastic surgery while I sneak off and get plastic surgery” thing), so I’m really thankful that I now have a reason. Heaton, best known for playing Ray Romano’s wife on the long-running sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, is being sued by her former personal assistant. Though Heaton has several children and talks proudly about them in interviews, she doesn’t seem to be as fond of children belonging to her assistant. The ex-PA, Jennifer Lee, says that Heaton had a problem with Lee’s need to spend time with her kid:
Jennifer Leeclaims she worked for Patricia from August 2007 to March 2009, earning $770 a week. Jennifer says she was hired to work 15-20 hours a week but had to work a lot more.
Lee says friction developed after she asked about her unpaid wages — when Patricia said Lee’s child was “becoming a problem” because of the work schedule. Lee says Patricia was unsympathetic, firing her and saying “things might have been different” if Lee didn’t have a child.
As if anyone had any doubts, I’m on Team Jennifer in this one. I hope she wins a nice settlement.
Brian “Ren” Renfield Nelson, longtime assistant to rocker Alice Cooper, passed away in June. In addition to being Cooper’s PA, Nelson was a collector of Cooper memorabilia and an all-around nice guy. In his honor, the Spider’s Parlor YouTube channel created a special video:
Personally, I would love it if Alice Cooper wrote a song in honor of Ren the way that Bruce Springsteen did when his assistant, Terry Magovern, died in 2007.
Robert Rave’s book Spin, a not-so-thinly-veiled account of his tenure working as the assistant to PR doyenne and media target Lizzie Grubman, has a book trailer out. It depicts a scene from the book (where the male assistant has to hide in the ladies’ room trying to get dirt on celebrities) and brings up some very important issues. Enjoy:
“I went to my fridge the other day and was so angry there was no bread. I called my assistant and said, “what happened to the bread?” She said, “Your trainer told me to take it!”
- Gerard Butler, discussing his worst habit, in People magazine
Man, has it been one heck of a 24 hours in assistant-related drama for Jamie Kennedy.
Courteney Cox has a new show (the horrifyingly named Cougar Town), and that means she’s doing a whole slew of interviews to promote it. 
I’ve always disliked Patricia Heaton for no good reason (OK, maybe because of the whole hypocritical “criticizing people who get plastic surgery while I sneak off and get plastic surgery” thing), so I’m really thankful that I now have a reason. Heaton, best known for playing Ray Romano’s wife on the long-running sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, 