Normally, I don’t advise burning bridges when you quit, especially if you’re staying in the same industry or work in a fairly small community. That said, I laughed like hell at this collection of some of the most outrageous stories of quitting ever. Here’s a highlight:
Telling your boss to fuck off is satisfying, but not nearly as satisfying as fucking well. One acquaintance of mine decided to combine the two and fucked his boss’ (in-house) mistress in the boss’ office from the end of (a very late) happy hour until the start of the morning shift. Nobody likes other people boning in one’s personal space, and there’s just something satisfying about being able to say, “I fucked him, now fuck you, too!” on your way out the door.
That sounds like something out of Swimming with Sharks, n’est-ce pas?
At my first assistant job, my boss used to do this thing that drove me crazy. He’d start with “Can you do me a favor..?” and then tell me to do something. It wasn’t a favor, something that I was doing out of the kindness of my heart because we were such good friends. I didn’t answer his phone as a favor; I answered it because it was my job. Well, the word “voluntold” is kind of like that. A combination of “volunteered” and “told,” this is a word that applies whenever an employee is given the false choice to do something. For example, you’d be happy to work Thanksgiving for the overtime pay, but you’re told that you have to take a personal day regardless. Or maybe you are ordered to switch shifts with a coworker, even though it isn’t advantageous for your schedule, because the coworker has kids and you don’t. Congratulations, you just got voluntold.
Supermodel Erin O’Connor’s former personal assistant, Michelle Knox-Brown, is being charged with embezzlement after allegedly stealing more than £45,000 from her employer. The money reportedly came from a combination of charges on O’Connor’s credit cards, petty cash, and cab fares. Knox-Brown’s trial is slated to begin in London in March, and O’Connor has agreed to testify against her former assistant.
The movie Made in Dagenham is about women pushing to get equal pay for equal work in 1960s Britain. – Picktainment
You know who else wants equal pay for equal work? Batgirl. – Comics Alliance
Napping at work is good for you. Someone tell my boss that the next time I get busted nodding off in a meeting. – Yahoo
To cut costs, many companies are making holiday parties employee-only, not allowing significant others to attend. But does this increase the likelihood of drunken coworker hookups? – CNBC
Can you get sued for unfriending one of your coworkers on Facebook? I don’t know, but this is why I warn you against accepting their requests in the first place. – Geekosystem
Two words: “underearners anonymous.” Where I’m from, they just call this “everybody.” – Bundle
Your office manager may get snotty every time someone has too many pens on their desk, but it turns out that most companies not only expect you to swipe supplies, they plan for it. A new survey of small business owners says that 54 percent of executives expect their employees to steal “something of value” from the office. Wait… something of value? I’ve definitely swiped some extra notebooks or highlighters in my day, but when they say something of value does that mean they expect someone to make off with a printer or copier? Because the logistics of that are pretty impressive. (Full disclosure: I did get a computer from my former office, but they closed down the company and let us take whatever we wanted from the office, so that doesn’t count. If you get a computer in exchange for being laid off, I think that’s fair. And I would have taken the Foosball table if there’d been a chance of it fitting in my apartment.)
Two of my favorite things are combining: Jane Lynch and The Simpsons. The Glee star (who in my mind will always be the Mighty Wind star) will appear on The Simpsonsas Homer’s new assistant, Roz. In the episode, “Replaceable You,” Roz goes into All About Eve mode, undermining Homer and trying to usurp his job. (To be fair, the man’s completely incompetent, so it’s probably not hard for someone to do better than him.) Executive producer Al Jean described Roz thusly: “This woman seems terrifically nice, but then it turns out she’s just completely undermining him every step of the way and gets his job – until he can discover her one weakness with the help of Ned Flanders!”
Despite my general disinterest in anything on The Simpsons post season 10, I am going to have to watch this episode.
This month’s Vogue was full of interesting things. There were lots of articles about disgustingly rich people, and one about how Angelina Jolie is prettier than Princess Diana. (No, they really said that.) But the most interesting tidbit of all was how Andre Leon Talley – he of the designer caftans and buying tennis bracelets just to play tennis – started out as a receptionist. Granted, he was a receptionist in Andy Warhol’s Factory, but he was a receptionist nonetheless. Can you imagine ALT having to do plebian tasks like fetch coffee and hang up coats? I mean, THIS GUY.
