dear abby and i do not agree

The following letter appeared in a recent Dear Abby column:

Dear Abby,

I work as an administrative assistant for a company in Louisville. Each year we invite several “high- level” customers to attend the Kentucky Derby. We spare no expense on this event, paying for hotels, track tickets, food, drinks, limos, etc. for three full days.

Last year, my boss told me he was “disappointed” that I had not thought of sending thank-you notes to our guests after the event. He felt we should thank them for taking time away from their personal lives to visit us.

I say that after three days of running myself silly behind the scenes, the thank-you notes should come from them. Your opinion, please. – WHO THANKS WHO IN KENTUCKY

Here’s what Abby had to say:

I understand your frustration because no one wants to be taken for granted, but you are confusing business etiquette with social etiquette. Your boss isn’t entertaining those people because he likes them. He is doing it so they will return the favor by doing business with his company.

So please do what he says and start writing. A form letter, individually prepared for each client, should do the trick. Each one should be a signed original expressing the sentiments your boss would like to have conveyed.

And here’s what I think:

Dear Abby,

So here’s the thing. You think the assistant had a pile of thank-you notes sitting on her desk and was simply refusing to sign or mail them? That’s not what she’s talking about. She specifically notes that the boss was mad at the assistant for not coming up with the idea to send notes. The key words there are “hadn’t thought of.” This poor person – probably a woman – has just put together a huge event for a bunch of people who probably don’t even acknowledge her existence, let alone share their catered meals with her. Events like that, especially when they involve a bunch of rich clients, involve tons of legwork and logistics.

The poor woman is probably totally exhausted from the whole process, and you’re acting like she’s a lazy bitch. She is not a mindreader. If her boss says “hey, I want you to send X number of thank you notes,” then she should send them. But if he wants to be pissed at her for not thinking of something he could have also thought of himself, that’s absurd. Get mad at her if she’s failing to do an assignment at work, not for being unable to read her boss’ mind.

Also, on a personal level, I feel like those people who got free Derby tickets, limos, and cocktails should be thanking her.

Best wishes,

Save the Assistants