When I graduated from high school, the school gave out a special award to this girl Brenda who had not missed a single day of school since the first grade. I mean, not one. Even if she didn’t skip class in high school or take an extra day off for a family vacation, did she never get sick? If she has bionic genes or something, I’d certainly like to know. Or maybe she was the one who showed up at school sick all the time and was responsible for infecting all of us? I don’t know.
Anyway, what reminded me of Brenda was a news item I read today about Jay Leno. Leno called in sick and missed yesterday’s taping of his show – which is remarkable only the fact that he has never once missed a show in seventeen years. That is Miley Cyrus’ entire freaking life. I guess it could be a testimony to Jay’s excellent health or a weird thing in his contract, but I suspect that part of it is that he likes his job so much that he doesn’t want to miss it. Can you imagine that? I would love to someday have a job I enjoy so much that I actively avoid calling in sick or going on vacation.It’s like the holy grail.
If Jay is reading this, he should feel free to check out my tips for calling in sick when you’re not sick. I won’t tell on you, dude, you’ve earned it.
In all the hubbub around Admin Professionals Day, I totally forgot that yesterday was Take Our Daughters to Work Day. Originally planned as a day to introduce girls to the workforce and educate them about career options, some now argue that feminism in the workplace has advanced enough that girls don’t have to be taken into offices to see positive female role models – they’re on TV, at home, and everywhere else.
This holiday now strikes me as one similar to Secretaries Day, which is a relic from the days when there were no computers and secretaries had thankless jobs and the men who were having sex with them on the side always forgot to thank her in the spotlight for the typing, so there is an official reminder day to buy her a card. That made sense. Twenty years ago.
She makes the valid argument that for many people, there’s no line between work and home anyway, and it seems uneccessary at best and annoying at worst to bring kids into a professional workplace.
Imagine if your company hired you from another country just to do a job. You ended up staying in the country for a long time, marrying, having kids, buying a home, and then one day the country fell on hard financial times and told you to get out.
That’s exactly what happened to many workers from countries like Brazil and Peru who emigrated to Japan to take blue-collar jobs that Japanese workers couldn’t fill. As industry boomed, more and more foreigners got jobs in Japan. But now that the global economy is on a downswing, Japan is offering these workers a deal – they’ll pay for them to go back to their home countries, if they promise never to come back and seek a job in Japan ever again. For people who have spent much of their lives living and working in Japan, often because of a lack of opportunities in their native country, it’s a heartbreaking decision.
The New York Times has a more in-depth article about what’s going on in Japan.
I could not believe it when my company where I work (a law office) fired one of the other assistants the day before administrative assistants’ day! But when I found out what happened, I couldn’t totally blame them. See, the assistant (“Katie”) had taken a lot of sick days lately, and we all assumed she was faking because they were always on Fridays, but nobody could prove that she was faking, and besides what assistant has never lied and said they were sick when they needed a mental health day? Well, turned out the bosses were suspicious too. They looked at her calendar and the last couple of Fridays she had blocked off the whole day and written “Go to DC to visit boyfriend.” How could she be that stupid?! If you really need a calendar reminder to go visit your boyfriend, then what kind of relationship do you guys have anyway? Plus, the really stupid part was that it wasn’t even her computer calendar – it was the paper one on her desk. Duh.
Thanks to STA reader Susan, who pointed me to this awesome video. Let’s just say if I had a bunny hanging out in my office, I’d be a happier person. And if the bunny moonlighted as a letter opener, I’d also be more productive. Bunnies: is there anything they can’t do?
For all the crazy drug runs and diva behavior, there are lots of perks that come with being a celebrity assistant – VIP access to clubs and bars, free travel, proximity to famous people, and then some. However, Kate Moss’ assistant Fifi [side note: what happened to Sophie?] has just scored her boss’ pricey designer hand-me-downs. Fifi was photographed wearing a dress that her boss had been pictured wearing not long before. Luckily, Fifi looked great in it, and, honestly, who wouldn’t want to raid Kate Moss’ wardrobe? I bet she’s one of those people who wears something once and then tosses it – wouldn’t you like to be the one who catches it?
In amusing news, this article says that Kate met Fifi in an elevator at London’s Sanderson Hotel. I have got to start spending more time in random hotel elevators.
My friend Emily Churchman is an assistant and a craft-making genius in a way I could never be, and she recently made me my very own crocheted Workplace Zombie. The little guy now sits on my desk and scowls at me from under his mass of shaggy, unwashed hair. Outfit wise, he’s like Dilbert but with an edge.
Emily does not have a website, but maybe this shameless plug of her awesomeness will finally encourage her to open that Etsy store she’s been talking about. Til then, you can make Corporate Zombies and other fun crochet creatures by using the book she works off of, Christopher Haden’s Creepy Cute Crochet.
One last thing – my Zombie needs a name! If you have suggestions, please leave them as comments or email me at contact@savetheassistants.com. He’s missing an eye – I was going to glue it back on, but I kind of think he looks cooler without it.
Administrative Professionals’ Day is tomorrow! My lips are sealed, but I promise some cool things for tomorrow. However, because a day is not enough to praise assistants for all they do, the whole week is now Administrative Professionals’ Week. Here are a couple of links you should check out as you prep for the big day:
Shameless self-promotion: I wrote a humorous guide for bosses on the Huffington Post.
Have your boss enter you in this Administrative Professionals’ Day contest (prizes include $1,000 and a cocktail reception for you and your coworker)
If your boss isn’t getting you a present, feel free to show him or her this depressing press release that reveals (shocking!) admins are doing even more work than usual these days.
And even if your boss isn’t buying you anything, two awesome food things are happening today: free cones from Ben & Jerry’s, and 50 cent coffee from Dunkin Donuts. For the big day tomorrow, assistants get free strawberry lemonade at O’Charley’s. Plus, if you live in Alabama, you can sign up for the Typewriter Toss at Ruth’s Chris Steak House.
As its newsstand sales plummet and the entire magazine industry is in freefall, Vogue magazine has had to do things it never would have done in the past. Instead of only write about luxury and expensive things and people who are ten times more beautiful and fabulous than you’ll ever be, they have to occasionally look like they’re in touch with the regular folk. That’s why on the cover of the May issue there’s a headline that would be right at home on any magazine in your grocery store aisle – “You’re Fired! Surviving and Thriving After the Pink Slip.” However, because this is Vogue, the story isn’t about a working class person who got laid off and is struggling to make ends meet. Instead, it’s a first person essay by longtime Village Voice fashion writer Lynn Yaeger (pictured at left), who was laid off last year. While I think Yaeger is a good writer and her firing from the Voice was upsetting, I have a really hard time a) identifying with her, and b) not rolling my eyes continually during her article. If Yaeger wrote her piece [which is not available online, or I'd link to it] in bullet points, here’s what she’d advise you to do in your own layoff situation:
Oh, we all remember starting our first job, then ripping open our first paycheck while dreaming of all the cool stuff we’re going to buy with the money and then … the inevitable disappointment when you see how much you make after taxes. In this vintage Simpsons clip, Bart gets his first job doing chores for an old lady:
When I graduated from high school, the school gave out a special award to this girl Brenda who had not missed a single day of school since the first grade. I mean, not one. Even if she didn’t skip class in high school or take an extra day off for a family vacation, did she never get sick? If she has bionic genes or something, I’d certainly like to know. Or maybe she was the one who showed up at school sick all the time and was responsible for infecting all of us? I don’t know.
For all the crazy drug runs and diva behavior, there are lots of perks that come with being a celebrity assistant – VIP access to clubs and bars, free travel, proximity to famous people, and then some. However, Kate Moss’ assistant Fifi [side note: what happened to 
As its newsstand sales plummet and the entire magazine industry is in freefall, Vogue magazine has had to do things it never would have done in the past. Instead of only write about luxury and expensive things and people who are ten times more beautiful and fabulous than you’ll ever be, they have to occasionally look like they’re in touch with the regular folk. That’s why on the cover of the May issue there’s a headline that would be right at home on any magazine in your grocery store aisle – “You’re Fired! Surviving and Thriving After the Pink Slip.” However, because this is Vogue, the story isn’t about a working class person who got laid off and is struggling to make ends meet. Instead, it’s a first person essay by 
