I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
–Ricky Gervais as David Brent, The Office (UK)
Archive for September, 2008
Yeah, yeah, so Diddy is known for being incredibly fucking difficult to work with. However, he’s one of a rare breed of boss who, after he puts you through your paces, will eventually help you get the job you want. This is what my former boss claimed to be–someone who would make you work really hard, but then would reward you for it. It’s as if sometimes those dues you pay actually mean something.
Check out some of these former Diddy assistants done good:
- Fonzworth Bentley, now writes books about style and hosts a VH1 show
- Capricorn Clark, now director of marketing for Sean John, Diddy’s clothing line
- Norma Augenblick spent seven years (!) as Diddy’s PA, now works as the director of special events at Cipriani’s, one of New York’s most famous restaurants
I know this is a website for assistants, but every now and then I like to give some unsolicited advice to interns–after all, interns grow up to be assistants, so why not learn important lessons now? Pay attention to the story of “Adam,” an intern for Nashville radio station The River. Adam was responsible for leaking an advance copy of Britney Spears’ new single, “Womanizer,” to the internets. When the RIAA and other music-industry types flipped out, eventually somebody narrowed the search down to Adam, who was summarily fired from The River.
This brings up a couple of questions. First, how is Britney able to sit still long enough to record music, and why isn’t Amy Winehouse able to learn from her example? Second, can you even fire someone you don’t pay? And third, does being fired from an internship doom you to the career doldrums forever? I guess it helps that Adam didn’t have a last name–but I’d suggest he avoid listing this internship on his resume.
Oh, Office Space, is there nothing you can’t do?
Pat O’Brien is best known for two things: being a longtime entertainment show host, and being a total perv who left these gross messages about coke and threesomes on his former mistress’ voicemail. He went to rehab, but it must have been fake celebrity rehab, because it didn’t seem to stick at all. O’Brien, a cohost on entertainment fluff shows The Insider and Entertainment Tonight, apparently sent out an email to all of his coworkers saying that Insider cohost Lara Spencer made viewers “want to vomit.” Of course, he also bragged about how popular he is and how he should be the only host of the show.
Luckily for Ms. Spencer, the bosses at The Insider were not amused, and O’Brien got fired. Talk about a total coworker frenemy. Why do people keep hiring that dude?
In case anyone was wondering whether The Devil Wears Prada started a trend, ask no longer. A new book entitled Thin is the New Happy spills about what it was like to be an editor at the now-shuttered Mademoiselle magazine. Author Valerie Frankel says that female staffers felt immense pressure to be thin and attractive and many, herself included, developed eating disorders. [Note: Both Vogue and Mademoiselle had the same parent company, Conde Nast.] Frankel admits to doing a lot of cocaine in order to keep her weight down, and tells stories about crazy things the other assistants did to stay skinny, such as going everywhere with a food scale, taking tons of laxatives, or only eating grapes and jellybeans.
The book came out on September 2 and there are already used copies for sale on Amazon.
Forget about those “recession specials” at restaurants. The Loudmouth Protestant blogger (a disgruntled Washington Mutual client) has come up with a great way to put a positive (and funny!) spin on the economic downturn. Simply put: whenever someone at work asks you to do something, say you can’t do it because of the recession. Here are some examples:
Mr. Massengil: John, did you get the new TPS report I sent last night?
John: Yes.
Mr. Massengil: Why didn’t you use it?
John: Because we’re in a recession.
Mr. Massengil: John, we are going to have to let you go.
John: You can’t do that.
Mr. Massengil: Why not?
John: Because we’re in a recession.
I could go on but I have a job I’d like to keep. But just to let you know, “Because we are in a recession,” is not just your response to work-related questions. Try it out the next time someone you don’t like asks you out on a date. Or your pastor asks, “Can I get a witness?” Or someone asks you to dance. Or when the cashier at McDonald’s asks if you’d like some ketchup. Just remember kids, recession is more than the state of our economy. It’s a state of mind. So if you’re going to be a full participant in it, you may as well get a laugh or two in while you wait for your bank to be acquired by a bigger greedier company.
Sarah Palin, John McCain’s pick for the VP nominee, is currently getting a lot of flak for her alleged lack of political experience. Fast Company columnist Tom Stern takes the “lack of experience” issue from the campaign trail to the boardroom, asking whether experience is what makes a boss great. He identifies a couple of surefire “this will get you promoted but it won’t make you good at your job” characteristics that may be Palin-qualities, including:
- Youth (Check–Palin’s a teenager next to John McCain)
- Nepotism (No check–she’s not related to anyone famous, so far as we know)
- Brown nosing (Ohhh yeah, that’s a check)
I’m going to come right out and say it: I thought National Lampoon’s Van Wilder was hilarious. I still do. Yes, I know it has Tara Reid and Teck from the Real World: Hawaii in it. But I don’t care. It’s still funny, thanks largely to a pre-Harold and Kumar Kal Penn. Let me refresh your memory.