Even though mythical creatures don’t really have anything to do with St. Patrick’s Day, all this talk of leprechauns sparked an idea. Our Bossary seems to be pretty popular, so we thought we’d change it up a bit today. We all know you poor assistants out there are the fairy princesses trapped in black towers of death, so the question is, which monster is holding you captive?
Banshee: Let’s face it: most bosses have a bit o’ the banshee in them. Their wailing makes your blood run cold, not only because it sounds so god-awful, but because you know it heralds doom. Usually your doom.
Evil Troll: This fellow lives in a corner office rather than under a bridge, but he will still probably eat a baby if given the opportunity. In addition to his hefty toll of babies and souls, the evil troll will demand service that seems likely to last for an eternity. You’ll find yourself in a long, drawn-out, carrot-dangling journey through the seven levels of hell as you search for that one piece of golden thread that might set you free. If you find it, the evil troll will just say it’s his and then demand more babies.
Cerberus: Cerberus wasn’t so bad on his own. But he’s the guardian of the gates of hell. Many middle managers aren’t bad people until they’re given a tiny bit of access to power, and suddenly they turn into three-headed demons who think that their closeness to power makes them more badass than they are.
Cyclops: Big, dumb and lacking perspective, the cyclops destroys everything you’ve worked for with one clumsy gesture. You’re smarter than the cyclops, but he’s meaner. But there is hope: while brute strength counts for a lot, you’re younger and more agile. And you have two eyes. Use them to your advantage.
Harpy: Relentless and mean, the harpy swoops in when you least expect it and hounds you until you do whatever it is that she wants. In the typically gender-biased realm of mythical creature sociology, harpies are female. But after running this site for so long, we can assure you that relentless badgering is done equally by male and female bosses.
Succubus/Incubus: The most dreaded boss of all – they seduce you just to suck the soul out of you. Often found prowling the cubicles for fresh meat, these creatures will ravage you when you least expect it.
(Don’t worry – Cabana Dan will be your knight in shining mankini. And he’ll ride in on a unicorn.)
Hannah MacGibbon started her career as an assistant to fashion designer 
