Here’s a query for all the fab STA readers out there, maybe we can start a discussion on this matter. It’s a topic to which I have no real conclusion… Over the years, I’ve come to notice a certain practice in offices: male boss with female assistant, and female boss with male assistant. To clarify, I have only my own experience as an intern and assistant in a number of rather small offices, ranging probably from between 1-10 coworkers, so this may not carry to the rest of the world’s many 100, 1,000, or 10,000-plus-employee offices. Is it the industry I’m in? My instinct is no. And as there are currently only two sexes of the human race, it’s really a flip of the coin as to the pairing of boss / assistant. Do the math, kids - there are only four combinations:
Male boss / female assistant; Male boss / male assistant; Female boss / female assistant; Female boss / male assistant.So, because of the very limited possibilities, my amateur theory on this may be entirely bull. But I’m gonna run with it just a bit.There are so many dangerous, Indiana-Jones-esque social traps and etiquette pitfalls in the corporate world. You can be friends with you boss / co-workers, but not too close friends or drama and possible blackmail can ensure when you least expect / need it. (Ed. note: See “frenemy” for more details.) You can also hate your bosses / co-workers, but it’s always nice if you can simply put up with them for the 8-12 (hopefully not more) hours it takes you to get through the day and not go home and flog yourself. Everything in moderation, right?So, when it comes to that very special boss/assistant relationship, what’s the optimal pairing? As a boss, do you want to be best friends, equals, aloof, or tyrannical with your assistant? As an assistant, do you want to respect, tolerate or fear your boss? There’s a lot of grey area here that I’m overshadowing, but you get the drift.I mention these fragile social issues in order to follow my odd thesis, no doubt expanded upon ever-more-brilliantly by someone other than myself, but bear with me. How exactly do the sexes work together? No two scenarios are alike, that’s one thing we can count on, with an infinite number of variables. But let’s lay it down straight - is it easier, in a hierarchical relationship like that of a boss and assistant, to work with someone of the opposite sex or someone of the same sex? Would love some thoughts on the topic.
As a male assistant to a female executive, I do think it works better when the boss/assistant are of the opposite sex, but I’m not exactly sure why. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because our society has pretty clear rules on how men and women should interact on a professional and social basis. Other times I’m thinking it could be the whole competition thing between members of the same sex. Then I wonder if it’s really more a supply/demand issue. I don’t see that many male assistants anywhere, inside or outside my company. In my organization of almost 10,000 employees, I’m the ONLY male assistant so female/female parings are a no-choice matter. But I think it really comes down to the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing, where the strengths of each balances the weaknesses of the other, where each brings a different perspective that contributes to a more balanced whole and, perhaps, a more rewarding working relationship.
I am a male assistant to a female executive. Our working relationship started with her business three years ago. She recruited me to help her structure some aspects of her business. Her fashion business soon took off and I soon found myself in my first executive assistant role. We compliment each other very well. She is a “Full on” entrepreneur and I am a details person. At work, there is no question she is the boss. Our relationship is professional and with 100% mutual respect for one another. We compliment each other very well. She is a very demanding personality and I am laid back. Everything works.
Like the above post, I never knew any other male assistants. My situation was a double whammy because not only was I about to accept a job as a (male) assistant but also as an assistant to a younger woman. Which now is no big deal, but it needed consideration before making that life altering career change.
I’ve been a female executive assistant for over 10 years and have worked with both men and women, in entertainment mostly and recently in investment banking. I have not found any consistent patterns of ease or difficulty along gender lines and I’m not saying this to be unbiased or agreeable. Believe me when I say that each of my bosses has had a whole slew of issues and their gender fed into these as did budget concerns, corporate backstabbing, or client headaches. However I find the topic of sexuality in the workplace to be extremely interesting and my gender versus my bosses gender have made for quite awkward, uncomfortable and amusing moments, I could write a damn book about it. I once had to sit next to my Kathleen-Turner-esque lioness of a boss as she played footsy with a married man during an awards dinner. I booked dinner reservations and a car for my boss and a date who wasn’t his wife (who by the way was out of town and 6-months pregnant) and I’ve even been asked to stay later for another drink with so much suggestiveness that I felt like I needed a shower when I got home! I wonder to this day what would have happened if I accepted and how I continued to work for that man for another year. But us assistants have to be sturdy and sometimes walk the fine line. This is a great topic, thanks for opening up the discussion.