Urban Dictionary defines emaelstrom as “A long and complicated email trail with dozens of CC’s discussing a situation almost none of the recipients cares about.”
While that’s an excellent starting place, we feel the definition could be clarified further. Invariably, this emaelstrom is started by That Guy, the person in the office who thinks every other employee works for him instead of with him. He’s the guy who writes his emails in bold and/or all caps because he doesn’t know any better. He hasn’t bothered to learn what anyone’s job description is. Therefore, when there’s a problem with internal email, he feels the need to email his assistant about it and CC sales, marketing, and creative about the problem instead of going directly to IT, who could actually fix the internal email. And then after That Guy sends out the email, a bunch of idiot VIPs at the company, who have not yet mastered the fine art of hitting “reply” instead of “reply all,” feel the burning need to weigh in on the issue.
Emaelstrom is a great term. But maybe we need a term for the That Guy who starts the emaelstrom in the first place. Ideas anyone?
Sean Hayes, who we loved as Jack on Will and Grace even when the show became unwatchable, is now playing the personal assistant to Jack Nicholson’s character in new film The Bucket List. As it always happens, his character has to plan everything so that Jack can run around and be “spontaneous” and “eccentric.” It’s easy to be “spontaneous” when you have a paid underling in charge of managing your life.
It just goes to prove our theory: behind every great person, there’s a great assistant doing all the work. OK, except John C. Reilly.
Sure, your boss sucks. But has he choked his girlfriend in a parking lot in Vegas? Did she get pulled over and charged with a DUI? We’re enjoying this gallery of 2007’s worst boss behavior.
Jeffrey Yamaguchi’s book Working for the Man is hilarious. And now he’s making hilarious videos to go along with it. Take a couple seconds to avoid working and check out this video, “The Office Hottie.”
Careerbuilder has a funny and weirdly useful article about how to translate what your boss says to what he or she actually means. A couple of our favorite examples:
“This is a very sensitive issue.” Translation: “I may need you to shred some documents.”
“It’s good to see you take such bold initiative!” Translation: “You are a threat to me. You will be fired the next time we so much as run out of coffee.”
“I have to attend an off-site meeting.” Translation: “I’m having an affair.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Translation: “I’ll tell you no in an e-mail, long after I’ve left the office.”
“I don’t want to have to micromanage this whole operation!” Translation: “I’m the boss because I made good business contacts at my Ivy League university; I don’t know how to actually do things.”
It’s hard to get a read on exactly who Osama “Sam” Lufti is: depending on the publication, he’s listed as Britney Spears’ best friend, confidante, or personal assistant. But now the tabloids seem to be in assent that Brit wants to run off to Vegas and marry this guy. Look, Brit, we know you’re not handling the whole “pregnant teenage sister” thing well. We’re not either. But don’t you remember how that other Vegas marriage of yours worked out? Do you really want another annulment to your credit?
God, what are we thinking? Of course she does. What other way to get back at your sister for getting more attention than you: revenge wedding to your assistant!
We loved John C. Reilly in films like Boogie Nights and Chicago, and now we’re dying to see him in the new Judd Apatow movie Walk Hard. And it turns out that his singing and acting ability isn’t the only reason he’s awesome: he doesn’t have an assistant. Reilly was reportedly embarrassed when he showed up on the Walk Hard set to find that he had a newly-hired assistant waiting. He said, “I’m a very modest person, you know. I hate the term ‘celebrity’ or ‘movie star’. It’s embarrassing. I’m from Chicago, and that’s not what I signed up for. They gave me an assistant on Walk Hard, and I never knew what to do with the guy. I’m used to getting my own coffee.”
John C. Reilly, American Hero. Once again proving our point that if we would actually choose be someone’s assistant, they’re probably too cool to want one.
A few weeks ago, Wired magazine featured some of the worst cubes ever. Now they’re coming full circle by suggesting some great solutions for cramped/ugly/badly lit work spaces. Since your boss is probably on vacation in Cabo and you have nothing to do, this is an optimal time to reorganize your desk, toss old papers you don’t need, and hang up some Christmas cards as decoration. You can get tips here.
We loved John C. Reilly in films like Boogie Nights and Chicago, and now we’re dying to see him in the new Judd Apatow movie Walk Hard. And it turns out that his singing and acting ability isn’t the only reason he’s awesome: 
