Monthly Archive for September, 2007

did beyonce miss out on becoming an assistant?

Published on September 28, 2007 in Fictional Assistants. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Last week, we wrote about the news that Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson would be playing Carrie’s assistant in the upcoming Sex and the City movie. However, there may have been more drama behind the scenes. The website MediaTakeOut is reporting that the film’s producers originally cast Beyonce, but she was a drama queen, so they replaced her with J.Hud. Cele|bitchy doesn’t totally buy the story, which claims that Beyonce made outrageous demands, such as her character only wearing clothes from House of Dereon (her mom’s clothing line).

As for whether the rumor is true, you can decide for yourself. What isn’t up for debate, though, is the sheer ugliness level of these boots that poor J.Hud had to wear:

That is totally assistant abuse, y’all.

do you have a toxic coworker?

Published on September 28, 2007 in Horror Stories. 0 Comments

At my old job, there was this woman who sat a few cubes down from me. She was constantly on a diet, and yet she always had junk food on her desk. Sure enough every morning she’d end up bringing her box of cookies or bag of chips over to my desk and ask me to ‘hide’ them from her. And just as sure, I’d end up scarfing down all the food myself and feeling gross by the end of the day.

This is an example of a toxic coworker–they can be perfectly nice people and easy to get along with, but they have some habit or trait that brings out the worst in you. There’s the smoker who knows you’re trying to quit but slips you cigarettes and asks you go on a smoke break with him. There’s the one who always plays music and makes you have to be the asshole who asks them to put on headphones.

Bottom line is–everyone has a toxic coworker. Tell us about yours! Email contact@savetheassistants.com and put “Toxic Coworker” as the subject line. We’ll publish some of our favorites.

new word: “the minivent”

Published on September 27, 2007 in Buzzwords. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

No one wants to spend all their time outside of work talking about work, and yet we do it so often. Who hasn’t gone out for a happy hour with the coworkers, promising to talk about other stuff, and ended up rehashing the latest office gossip? It happens to the best of us. After all, we like a good horror story as much as anyone else.

So here’s a solution for when you want to blow off some steam, but then move on with your life: The Minivent.

Only got five minutes for a smoke break? Perfect. Grab your favorite work buddy and rant your guts out. Then when you’re done, use a few more minutes to talk about Grey’s Anatomy, your plans for the weekend, this hilarious thing your roommate said the other day…basically, anything but the office.

Because if you spend all your time talking about work, then the bosses have won.

how to cope with an office bully

Published on September 27, 2007 in Survival Guide. 0 Comments

Office bullies. Every office has one. The thing is, this person is often not your boss. They’re the bitchy assistant who sits by the copier and talks smack about you to the other assistants or the HR person who stonewalls whenever you ask for a raise. Here are some tips on how to deal. The article is pretty smart, and accurately diagnoses a workplace bully as one who knows better than to be physically violent.

  • Don’t allow the bully to intimidate you or make you feel bad about yourself. You know your true worth. Don’t forget what that is. 
  • Do your job and do it well. The workplace bully wants you to fail and when you don’t he or she will be defeated. 
  • Make sure your superiors are aware of your work. Workplace bullies often try to spread the word that your are not doing your job well and will even go as far as to report the smallest infractions to your boss. Your actions will carry more weight than his or her words. 
  • Don’t allow the bully to isolate you from your colleagues. Keep up your workplace friendships.

    • For other useful tips, the full article is here.

    new bossary item: “the carrier”

    Published on September 27, 2007 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

    Awesome reader Teddy submits his idea for a new addition to the Bossary. “The Carrier” works in the workplace the same way it works with STDs: one person has it, but he passes it around to everyone else. So visualize office projects instead of the clap, and you get the idea. Our definition is below…email us if you have ideas for a famous movie or TV example.

    The Carrier: This boss always seems to have work to do, but she never actually does it. If it’s too ‘beneath her,’ she passes it to her assistant. If it’s ‘too intense’ for her she passes it to a colleague. She always seems on top of things, but no one knows what she actually does. She has the work, but never contracts the symptoms.  On the other hand, everybody around her gets sick.

    workplace distraction: celebrity paper dolls

    Published on September 26, 2007 in Junk Drawer. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

    OK, so they’re not exactly made of paper, but we’re hooked on these cute celebrity dolls from Cartoon Doll Emporium. After all, who hasn’t wanted to get Mariah Carey to wear some damn clothes already?

    You can start with future assistant J.Hud or our personal favorite, Oprah. (Her accessories include a magazine with a picture of herself on the cover, a ribbon to cut, and a small African child.)

    tip of the week: how to spot a non-evil boss

    Published on September 26, 2007 in Tip of the Week. 0 Comments

    Believe it or not, it can sometimes happen. There are actually bosses out there who are nice, respectful, and inspiring. This Lifescript article lists five characteristics of a good boss. They are:

    • Fairness (kind of vague, don’t you think?)
    • Clear sense of where the company is going and how to get there
    • Not afraid of challenges
    • Teaches and inspires you
    • Is always learning

    What I’d like to know is whether missing only one of these qualities makes a bad boss. If I had to guess, I’d say no. What most business articles seem to miss is the “human courtesy” component. A boss can be smart, efficient, dedicated, and a million other things, but if they forget your name or never acknowledge any of your accomplishments, they’re still a shitty boss. The problem with this list is that most of the qualities on here have to do with how the boss runs the company, instead of how the boss interacts with his or her employees. “Teaches and inspires you” is, of course, the exception, but it would be handy to break down exactly what that means. Because you can learn from a person and still hate them. Just ask my college bio lab professor.

    yahoo gives advice to disgruntled employees

    Published on September 25, 2007 in Junk Drawer. 0 Comments Tags: , .

    You probably wouldn’t be on this site if you didn’t hate your job, so we’re going to assume this article is relevant to you. The title is “What To Do If You Hate Your Job.”

    Most career articles are written for an audience that’s older and further along in their careers than most of us here on STA–after all, that’s why this site exists. Below, we’ve included text from the Yahoo article, with our own commentary.

    Yahoo: It often takes gumption–and humility–to work with someone like that [a nightmare boss], but it might be better than the alternatives. Instead of confronting a cranky boss, ask what you could do better; if nothing else, you’ll earn a bit of respect for soliciting feedback. To deal with a hothead, have a tepid response ready so you don’t react impulsively: “You make some good points. Can we meet later to discuss them?” If you feel you have to go over your boss’s head, develop a face-saving premise for doing so: You’d like to approach a senior executive, say, because he’s an expert in a subject you’re working on.

    STA: Most assistants don’t have any power in this situation. The way assistant jobs are designed is to make them disposable. Most of the time, they don’t care if you quit, because there are 1,000 college grads desperate for a job who can take your place in almost no time. Therefore, you have no leverage.

    Yahoo: Tempting as it is to blame others, sometimes employees just don’t have the skills, smarts, or drive required to thrive at their jobs.

    STA: It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to use the copy machine. And an employee blaming him or herself for their job unhappiness is usually not warranted. The problem most assistants have is that they’re overqualified for their jobs. They have at least one college degree and possibly other work experience, but instead of doing something relevant they’re being squandered in a thankless admin job.

    Yahoo: Don’t bash your boss or your company in chats with coworkers, and try to stay positive in a resignation letter or exit interview–you never know when you’ll need to ask for a favor. Don’t bad-mouth your employer in job interviews either; it could get back to your former colleagues and ruin your reference. Besides, it’s unseemly.

    STA: No, we agree with this. You should bash your boss anonymously, on Save the Assistants.

    letting the hatred grow

    Published on September 25, 2007 in Horror Stories. 0 Comments

    My boss had tons of plants in his office, but he didn’t even like them. He just kept them because he knew other people liked them. It was my job to water them every day. It wasn’t humiliating enough that I had to haul this giant watering can from one end of the office to the other with everyone staring at me while I tried not to slosh water on the floor, he insisted on following me while I watered them. He’d stand right over my shoulder and stare at me while I watered each one of his godforsaken plants. He’d scream if he thought I hadn’t given the exact perfect amount of water! No matter what I did or how well I took care of them, they all died, and he’d scream and scream at me- often in front of people- about how I was so fucking incompetent that I couldn’t even water plants. At my next job, I had my very own desk with my very own plant, which thrived. I’m convinced the reason the plants at my old company died was because my boss was so evil that he sucked all the life out of the room. No amount of water could have counteracted that.–Submitted by Ruby, New York City

    updates on ‘the perfect assistant’

    Published on September 25, 2007 in Fictional Assistants. 0 Comments Tags: , .

    Yesterday we posted about an in-production TV movie called The Perfect Assistant. An awesome reader sent us an article about the production, which contains this plot synopsis:

    The story concerns an overly-ambitious woman working at a public relations firm who falls in love with her boss and seeks to take the place of his wife after she becomes ill and dies. The assistant becomes obsessed with her boss, but he sees her scheming ways and fires her, leading to more twists and turns in the plot.

    OK, this sounds freaking great. This movie might even live up to the so-bad-and-campy-they’re-good school of classic Lifetime movies like The Babysitter’s Seduction and Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? We need to know when this thing airs.