Monthly Archive for August, 2007

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danny bonaduce seeks assistant

Published on August 28, 2007 in Celebrity Assistant Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

The forum posters on Television Without Pity refer to redheaded, ‘roided up former child star Danny Bonaduce as “Danny Bonadouchey,” and they have good reason to do so. When Danny’s not whining about how hard it is to be famous, he’s treating ex-wife Gretchen like garbage and going on yet another drug-and-alcohol binge. Bonadouchey is now looking for an assistant. The entire hilarious TMZ post is below:

America’s favorite redheaded train wreck — no, not Carrot Top, but Danny Bonaduce– is looking for a new assistant to keep him in line! Apparently, his last girl Friday, a 25-year-old teacher who Danny happened to be dating, had a “family emergency” and had to leave her, ahem, prominent position with the former Partridge.

Danny is looking for a female helper. “She does not have to be attractive, beautiful or sexually stimulating in any way. She does, however, have to be capable of playing a drunken woman.” Danny’s new sidekick will be part of his stage act — walking on stage and giving him a hard time. And get this — Gretchen, Danny’s ex wife, is willing to teach the new girl how to play the role!

So if you’re a female, ugly or pretty, young or old, and have experience as a drunk — your dream job is waiting!

You hear that, everyone? Jobs worse than yours do exist!

are smokers ruining the workplace?

Published on August 28, 2007 in Junk Drawer. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

For many workers, smoke breaks are what helps them stay sane. They’re nickin’ or super stressed, and running outside to suck down a cigarette keeps their Bruce Banner from becoming a Hulk. Not to mention that they have a valid excuse to spend ten minutes getting away from their desks.

However, a recent study argues that smokers are hurting the company. Smokers take an average of 11 sick days a year more than nonsmokers. Plus the frequent daily breaks take time away from valuable hours spent working.

We can see both sides of this. As nonsmokers, our excuse to take mini-breaks throughout the day is usually ‘running an errand’ or having that 4 PM chocolate craving. And we’re also not going to be all preachy about how bad smoking is for your health, because you know already. So read the article and decide for yourself.

vogue says having multiple assistants is ‘in’

Published on August 27, 2007 in Assistants in the News. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Vogue is no stranger to diva bosses–The Devil Wears Prada, anyone? This September’s annual ginormous fall fashion issue praises makeup artist Pat McGrath. Although we’d never heard of McGrath (but it’s hard to be a fashionista on an assistant salary), Vogue claims she’s the most important person in beauty right now.

In Anna Wintour’s Letter from the Editor, she praises McGrath’s attention to detail and tendency to be thorough. How thorough is she? So thorough she has an ‘army’ of assistants.

Like we said, we don’t know Pat McGrath from our (Payless-purchased) shoe. However, is having a cavalcade of assistants the real mark of talent these days? I can understand a famous/successful/globe-trotting person needing to have one, or maybe even two. But exactly how many is an army? Five? Twelve? Thirty? And why is it some kind of accomplishment to need that many people to follow you around at all times? Does that make you better at your job, or just better at micromanaging? Do you pay for all those assistants to travel around the world with you, or do you make them ride in steerage to cut costs? The assistants need answers, and they’re not willing to scour through the thousand or so pages to find it.

sta on the freelancers union blog

Published on August 27, 2007 in Press/Events. 0 Comments

We love shameless self-promotion, so check out a shoutout to STA in this blog post by Anya Kamenetz. The Freelancers Union is a great resource for…y’know…freelancers.

In addition to mentioning us, this post is also noteworthy for pointing out some really interesting info. Two tidbits in particular that we think you should know about:

  • The LA Times story says “baby boomers on the cusp of retirement and restless younger employees are more likely to complain or quit than suffer in silence.”
  • Soon, you may even be able to sue your boss for creating an “abusive work environment”–not sexual harassment, just being an a**–in New Jersey, New York, Vermont, Washington State, and / or California.

Do you think younger workers are more likely to say “take this job and shove it”? We’d like to think so, but our inbox indicates otherwise. Regardless, it does seem clear that today’s workers are aware of their options–be it freelancing, telecommuting, or anything else–and are more willing to consider them. And how did we not find out about this “abusive work environment” legislation sooner? Our website should be Exhibits A through Q.

guest column: why you shouldn’t bang your coworkers

Published on August 27, 2007 in Guest Post and Survival Guide. 4 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

Josie Jobless is a friend of STA who knows her way around a nightmare assistant job. Last time she stopped by, she gave tips on how to exploit your beleaguered state. Here’s her latest missive:

It’s always a bad idea to fuck a co-worker. You eat shit or shit where you eat—both unpleasant. But if you’re dumb enough to head down this road it’s best not to pick a random co-worker for this mission. Don’t be like Josie– examine your candidates first.

Sometimes, it can be a profitable venture. As an assistant, if you bed your boss or some suit on the right level, you’ll always have the upper hand. You can never be fired and if you feel yourself getting bored by the job or the lover, a quick phone call to HR and the slightest mention of the phrase “sexual harassment” should get you out of the job with a pretty neat severance package.

If you choose not to fuck a superior, bumping uglies with someone on your level is the safest bet. As a peon, no one really cares how you get your kicks. If you’re dating just the right assistant, you can pool resources and suddenly both seem much better at your jobs. Also, fucking just the right assistant will garner all the juicy gossip your boss craves. Or you can also screw a competing assistant and get some dirt on them and take them down. The only risk of such inter-assistant office courtship is that since no one really cares, no one’s got your back in this mess and if it gets ugly you destroy your work and personal life in one fell swoop.

While messy, dating a fellow associate doesn’t quite ruffle anyone’s feathers. The worst way to sleep around work is to break the unspoken codes. Business is about ethics and procedures, many detailed, the most essential are tacit. Understanding office politics is key to getting ahead and if you ignore them sexually, everyone suffers. Don’t have sex with a vague superior. Don’t have sex with your own competition. And don’t ever bed someone who when you get found out you’re both getting fired.

After looking at these options, today’s lesson may just be that it’s best to keep it in your (black, skintight) pants at the office.

week in review: we got shit done

Published on August 24, 2007 in Week in Review. 0 Comments

We set out with a few goals for this week. Happily we managed to complete all of them. Yay, us!

- Further our “quit your job and take up a water sport” campaign? Check. Also spoke highly of working at home option.
- Burst the bubble about working for a cultural icon/media tycoon? Check.
- Cross the aisle and get some workplace advice from “the other side” (i.e., bosses… shudder)? Check.
- Feature the phrase, “It’s horrible for the celebrity to have a revolving door of assistants…having assistants coming in and out of your life is a detriment to the talent.” Check.

And have a great weekend. (Check.)

can’t quit your job? try working from home

Published on August 23, 2007 in Survival Guide. 0 Comments

Here at STA, we have a tendency to rabble-rouse. We’re all “quit your job!” and you guys are all “we can’t afford it!” and we’re all “our new hero is this guy who quit his job to go kayaking!” and you’re all “HEALTH INSURANCE.”

So, how about a compromise? Don’t quit your job. Just quit your office.

This article lists ten jobs that you can do from home, including paralegal, copy editor, event planner, and… wait, what? Administrative assistant? Check this shit out:

Also known as virtual assistants, home-based administrative assistants use office experience and computer skills as support personnel. Many skills easily transition into this position which offers many part-time and temporary opportunities.

Take that, health insurance.

P.S. When making your plea for work-at-home status, consider using the argument, “it’s good for the planet because I won’t commute/pollute/exhale carbon monoxide heavily while I climb subway stairs” instead of “because if I don’t, I’m going to burn this place to the ground.” Keep it positive, people.

we like cheap laughs sometimes

Published on August 23, 2007 in Junk Drawer. 0 Comments Tags: .

hero of the week: jacob van der merwe

Published on August 23, 2007 in Heroes. 0 Comments

Meet Jacob van der Merwe. He, like so many of us, toiled away in an office. Armed with a degree in business administration, Jacob worked in the corporate world. And then, like many of us, he realized it sucked. So what did he do?

Quit his job and went kayaking down the Mississippi River, obviously.

From Jacob’s site, The Crazy Kayaker, his official bio:

The Mexican revolutionary Emiliano Zapata once said, ‘It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.’ Some say he borrowed the quote from Cuban revolutionary José Martí, not that it really matters. Either way, it struck a chord with me. A while back, I adopted a variation of the quote as part of my life philosophy: ‘I’d rather die on a river than live in a cubicle.’ Which is another way of saying I spend most of my time paddling.

Way to go, Jacob. We who are about to make spreadsheets salute you.

save the assistants on yahoo

Published on August 22, 2007 in Press/Events. 0 Comments

Yahoo is pretty awesome. Their calendar function is the only thing that keeps Lilit from forgetting to eat breakfast. And now Yahoo! has chosen STA as their Pick of the Week.

You can check the link out here.