We here at STA are just exhausted - EXHAUSTED - from all this crazy celebrity assistant news that’s been flying around. First La Lohan fires and chases down (allegedly) her second assistant, and now Britney Spears has fired her only assistant after about three weeks (hey, she lasted longer than most probably would). And this is within the same month that she fired her own cousin. Dios mio! We think it’s time that assistants put some serious thought into unionizing.
For more on the story, plus squigglies a la Perez (sorry), click here.
We decided to amuse ourselves by compiling a (semi)fictional list of tasks a Brit-Brit assistant might be asked to do:
- Clean up after dogs
- When Mama Spears calls tell her Britney’s not there (even though she totally is)
- Plant mean stories about K.Fed in Page Six
- When Page Six stops taking your calls, plant mean stories about K.Fed in In Touch
- Hire new publicist
- Fire new publicist
- Change Jayden’s diaper
- Hire new nanny
- Fire new nanny
- Promise Britney that her new single is going to be totally super awesome
- Call Justin Timberlake from your personal cell, since he hasn’t blocked that number yet
- Raid Rite-Aid’s bargain bin for new makeup
- Keep Cheetos pantry fully stocked
- Interview new potential assistants