From the “and you think your boss is bad?” file:
A car dealership owner in East Point, Georgia, reportedly shot two of his employees because they asked for raises.
Rolandas Milinavicius has been charged with two counts of murder in the shooting deaths of Inga Contreras, 25, and Martynas Simokaitis, 28. All three are from the eastern European nation of Lithuania but had been living in Atlanta, authorities said. Milinavicius, who was having financial problems, told police he shot the two Thursday after they kept asking for more pay, said police in East Point, which is just outside Atlanta. “He told us that he was under a lot of stress,” East Point police Capt. Russell Popham said. “Unfortunately, he decided to take his anger out with violence.”
Tip? When you ask for a raise, wear body armor. Or at least polish those duck-and-cover skills.
Article is here.
We know you’re really angling for that Britney Spears gig, but just in case that doesn’t work out, you might want to consider brushing up on your web casting skillz because Diddy Combs has put the word out that he needs a new assistant:
“Eschewing written resumes Combs has turned to video sharing Web site YouTube to recruit his next personal assistant, saying only people with a burning passion to get into the rap world need apply — and he’s received over 10,000 inquiries.”
What happened to Farnsworth Bentley? We loved him. He was like the Dita von Teese of assistants with his fancy umbrella-holding and kicky little neckerchiefs.
Anyway, what are the necessary skills for being Diddy’s assistant? Well, according to Diddy, “You gotta know how to read, you gotta know how to write… you gotta know how to count.”
For more information, check out the latest Youtube video from the man who allegedly doesn’t write rhymes (but he writes checks - big ones, we imagine) here.
Interviews are always interesting in the most unexpected ways but by far the most interesting one for me took place three years ago. It was an Executive Assistant position for a parking lot company supporting the owner, Mr. X. Apparently Mr. X is a BIT difficult. The very nice HR Rep started out by asking me if I had a thick skin. (Danger, Danger Will Robinson!) Then she proceded to tell me the following horror stories:
Mr. X’s favorite thing to do is scream profanities at his assistant. It’s a good day when he has only called you an idiot once. (Have you ever had an HR Rep ask you if you get offended by being called an idiot? It’s a first for me)
Mr. X likes phone conferences, but only when he’s driven into the mountains where there is no cell phone coverage. He fired several assistants because they couldn’t get his cell phone to work without cell coverage, but he didn’t want a satellite phone he wanted to use HIS phone. (Don’t you love a reasonable boss?)
Mr. X fired an employee because she had a bad haircut and then sent the HR rep who hired her home to “think about what she had done”. (I thought it was a joke but it turns out that the girl who was interviewing me was the HR Rep he sent home!) Mr. X asked his last assistant to write him a memo about why she was such a fucking idiot! She did, it goes as follows: I’m such a fucking idiot for ever agreeing to work for an asshole like you. I QUIT!’ (You go girl.)
The HR Rep was happy to tell me about the bonus you get for working with Mr. X. If you make it 3 months you get $3,000, if you make it 6 months you get $6,000 and if you make it 10 months you get $10,000. No one every made it to the ten thousand. (Run, don’t walk, to nearest exit!) Needless to say I didn’t want the job (Whipping Girl Wanted?) but kudos to the brave HR Rep for her honesty!–Submitted by Nina, San Diego
A few weeks ago, Page Six ran an item about celeb stylist Jessica Paster, who held a cattle call interview to find her new assistant. Once there, the prospective assistants had to deal with Jessica’s dog peeing on the floor, among other nonhygenic wonders.
This dispatch came to us from a former Jessica Paster assistant who we’ll just call “Katie”:
I can verify the state at Jessica’s house is nothing short of complete SQUALOR! I used to work for her… and believe me- she goes through assistants like toilet paper. Oh, wait- she’s usually out of toilet paper. I’m surprised she had a mass cattle call interview, and that people actually SHOWED UP! I thought her reputation preceded her as being one of the all time worst people to work for. Aside from having to pick up after her sorely neglected lap dogs, she would regularly yell at whatever assistant was with her on a shoot in front of clients… and I’m talking crazy tantrum jumping up and down screaming if something was not to her liking. Maybe if she paid her assistants a reasonable rate (after all- we do all the work!) and did a little more on shoots other than stuffing her face or texting on her Sidekick, she would find people who could stand to work for her for more than a month or two. Honestly, I don’t know how she has the career that she does being as unprofessional as she is.
This week saw major excitement in the world of celebrity assistants. It’s starting to seem like working for Naomi Campbell might be one of the safer bets.
Britney fired her latest victim after only three weeks, but not before her former cousin-assistant decided to launch a pop career of her own AND help K-fed with his custody battle (but we’re not savethefamily.com, so you’ll have to consult the Googles for more coverage)…
There was even more excitement in the concrete jungles of Los Angeles, as rumors flew around about Lindsay Lohan giving chase to her freshly-”let go” second assistant, only to end up busted again and smacked upside the head by an enraged mother (allegedly).
Back in what is looking more and more like the normal world, we played with toys, learned all about the three faces of Mimi (not LaRue, unfortunately), learned a valuable lesson about gossip, and found out that former assistants can find true love in the form of Steve Martin.
Oh, Steve Martin, you make it all seem worth it… Sigh.
We here at STA are just exhausted - EXHAUSTED - from all this crazy celebrity assistant news that’s been flying around. First La Lohan fires and chases down (allegedly) her second assistant, and now Britney Spears has fired her only assistant after about three weeks (hey, she lasted longer than most probably would). And this is within the same month that she fired her own cousin. Dios mio! We think it’s time that assistants put some serious thought into unionizing.
For more on the story, plus squigglies a la Perez (sorry), click here.
We decided to amuse ourselves by compiling a (semi)fictional list of tasks a Brit-Brit assistant might be asked to do:
- Clean up after dogs
- When Mama Spears calls tell her Britney’s not there (even though she totally is)
- Plant mean stories about K.Fed in Page Six
- When Page Six stops taking your calls, plant mean stories about K.Fed in In Touch
- Hire new publicist
- Fire new publicist
- Change Jayden’s diaper
- Hire new nanny
- Fire new nanny
- Promise Britney that her new single is going to be totally super awesome
- Call Justin Timberlake from your personal cell, since he hasn’t blocked that number yet
- Raid Rite-Aid’s bargain bin for new makeup
- Keep Cheetos pantry fully stocked
- Interview new potential assistants
Thing we hate? Work. Thing we love? Snark. Thing we really love? Snarking about work.
That’s why we’re currently obsessed with these stickers from Perpetual Kid. Because really, who doesn’t love new toner?
If these stickers aren’t your speed, feel free to browse through their Buddha pencil toppers, boss-strangle dolls, and other goodies. We couldn’t think of a better way to waste valuable company time.
Let me tell you about my boss, Mimi. One minute she’s all sweetness and light and the next she turns into a stark raving bitch! She has a way of pointing out all of your inadequacies (never mind that you only started the job two days before) and telling you how hard you are making her life. One day I didn’t have something she had neglected to tell me about and she yelled “You’re ruining my life!” packed up her little wheeled briefcase and stomped out of the office in a huff. I was supposed to read her mind.
Her favorite game when she’s traveling is “torment the assistant.” She calls every fifteen minutes with a list of demands and then screams at you if you hadn’t done the tasks in the 5 minutes between calls. 10 calls by twelve noon and you are well on your way to a nervous breakdown! When my sister got married (on a Saturday) Mimi was so put out that I dared to be “out of touch” for the day that as punishment she had me work for 12 hours on Sunday on a project that she never ended up using.
After a stress related health scare I decided that the job wasn’t worth it but I agreed to stay on part time to help organize the office. Two and a half weeks later she decided to obsess about a package I had sent two months before. The breaking point came after a ten minute rant about my shortcomings at which point I finally told her that I QUIT! In the end it turns out that the package went to the right place. –Submitted by Nina, San Diego
The ongoing Lindsay-assistant-drama has taken a new turn. TMZ reported yesterday that Lindsay’s assistant, Jenni Muro, had quit and called her mom to pick her up. Today, Us Weekly clarifies the situation: the one who quit was Lindsay’s second assistant, Tarin.
But that’s not all. Tarin and her mom were in the car that Lindsay was reportedly following when she got arrested. According to Us Weekly:
Police found Lohan arguing with the mother of her former assistant, Tarin, in the parking lot of Santa Monica’s Civic Auditorium.
Tarin, we hope you at least managed to get some really good swag out of the situation. And have you considered the Witness Protection Program?
My boss is an oversharer. Nothing is off limits-her boyfriend, her kids, her pre-menopause. She thinks we’re buddy-buddy but all she’s doing is grossing me out. Like, can we be friends without having to talk about your hot flashes and your daughter’s school play? She also wants me to share stuff with her, asking me questions about my personal life. It’s like she doesn’t get we’re not girlfriends out getting cocktails, we’re coworkers. She keeps telling me about how her boyfriend doesn’t listen to her. I think I know why.–Submitted by Vicky, New York City