We love Tim Gunn. And who doesn’t? He’s a natty dresser, uses fifty-dollar words, and is the only thing preventing us from boycotting the next season of Project Runway after they let fucking Jeffrey win last year. Ahem.
Gunn just left his post at the Parsons School of Design to become the new Creative Director at Liz Claiborne, thus breaking the hearts of aspiring fashion students everywhere. Along with his new job, Gunn landed some new digs in Chelsea. This article, however, lauds Gunn for moving–gasp!–without the help of an assistant.
Gunn doesn’t seem to consider organizing a move by himself to be particularly revolutionary, and neither do we. It is possible to survive in the world, even if you’re famous, without an assistant. We’re sure people like Leonardo DiCaprio won’t run out for a Big Mac and therefore must send an assistant lest they be hounded by the paparazzi, but it’s nice to see a celebrity who doesn’t think it’s beneath him to do ordinary tasks.
That said, it’s kind of unfortunate, because Tim Gunn is possibly the only celebrity we’d actually want to be assistants for. Can you imagine if your project for the day was to prepare the house for a party attended by Austin Scarlett? Or make Red Lobster reservations for Tim and Andrae’s lunch date? Sigh. It figures that the only people worth assisting are the ones who don’t need assistants.
From Urban Dictionary comes our new favorite term: cubicle speed
Definition:
Caffeine-laden food/drugs used to stay awake in a modern office environment
In the Comments section, tell us what your favorite kind of cubicle speed is. It doesn’t necessarily have to be caffeinated. Or legal.
When we say “save the assistants,” we’re talking about all kinds of assistants. Like good feminists, we want to show our solidarity with those in the low ranks of the working class. This story came to our attention today: it’s a plea to save the jobs of assistant librarians in two towns in Massachusetts. Can there be assistants out there who like their jobs enough to fight to keep them? We salute you, fellow assistants, and we wish you luck. Because reading is awesome, especially when you read our blog.
Here’s another installment in the bad boss hall of shame:
An Australian woman was fired from her new job because she took time off to…
…press charges against the man who attempted to rape her.
Yeah, you’re reading that right. Sure, she’d only been at the job for a week and hadn’t accrued any vacation time. And everybody knows that “narrowly escaped being raped” is totally a cover up for “I skipped work to go shoe shopping.”
Anybody know this boss’ name? STA would love to send over a complimentary bouquet of “fuck you.”
It’s well-documented how much we like writing about former assistants who have gone on to greatness. Today we profile Odessa Whitmire. A native of Asheville, NC, Odessa started out as the assistant to Ben Affleck. Not long after, Odessa caught the eye of Ben’s BFF Matt Damon, and they ended up dating for about two years (with plenty of tabloid “omg are they engaged???” headlines during the course of the relationship). No more assistanting for Odessa. Now, she’s used her celebrity connections to help open two high-end vintage clothing shops.
Some Odd Rubies has locations in New York and L.A. The name is a mix of the monikers of the three founders: actress Summer Phoenix, Whitmire, and Ruby Canner. We’re always happy to see a former assistant go on to pursue her dreams, even if it means people on assistant salaries can’t afford to buy her clothes.
This week in bad boss behavior, we have a guy who wants pleats where none exist in nature and a guy who thinks his sneezes are worthy of acclaim. And our moms wonder why our therapy bills are so high. We also witnessed some bad assistant behavior, which we’re using as an opportunity to remind you not to talk shit over email.
If these crappy workplaces have inspired you to look for a new job, may we offer the following advice? McDonalds–maybe. Merrill Lynch–no way.
Cabana Dan would like to wish all of you a happy, restful, and evil-boss-less Memorial Day weekend. See you guys on Tuesday.
I work as the receptionist of a small but successful (high profile clients even!) chemical company. I buy clothes (presumably work attire) for my boss regularly. He returns/exchanges every shirt at least once. This costs him postage at least twice every purchase, but he is over-preoccupied with the stamp machine being returned to $0.41. As in, he has a fit if someone stamps a package and forgets to reset the scale.
I could recite his personal sizing chart by heart. He is bad at reading catalogue details (“I wanted this with pleats!” “But, sir, it is not available in pleats” “Call and make sure”). He is quite wealthy, married to a wife who has no job (less the DAR), but I am the one ordering his moderately expensive underwear (as in, I could buy a decent outfit from target for the price of one pair). –Submitted by Sarah, Cincinnati
It’s allergy season, so there are lots of people sniffling and sneezing in my office. Including my boss. However, it’s not enough for him just to sneeze. First of all, he’s like the loudest sneezer ever. You can hear it from the other end of the office. OK, he can’t help that part. What he can help is the fact that he has to talk about the sneezes in between. He’ll yell “wooo!” after a really loud one, like sneezing so loudly you wake up the guy sleeping at his desk is some kind of fucking accomplishment. He even went out to sneeze during a meeting but it didn’t matter because you could hear him inside the conference room. He even said “man, that one was a killer!” between two especially gross sounding ones. I mean, really? Do you have to narrate your sneezing? That’s like narrating when you pee–which, now that I think about it, I bet he does. I might have to take a sick day just to get away from him. –Submitted by Mike, New York City
Some things never change. Like your boss getting jazillion-dollar bonuses on top of jazillion-dollar salaries while you slave away for no money, recognition, or respect. Most places at least have the decency to pretend it doesn’t happen. However, those places are not Merrill Lynch. A Gawker tipster shares the details of ML’s new sick day policy (which only extends to the peons, of course):
Absences in a 12-month Period /Action
Up to 3 days/Acceptable attendance: No action.
4 to 6 days/Questionable attendance: Manager/employee discussion or written communication from manager to employee stressing importance of good attendance; reviewing impact on performance; and describing future consequences including termination of employment. Non-payment may result.
7 to 8 days/Poor attendance: Written communication from manager to employee reviewing impact on performance and warning that failure to improve will result in immediate termination of employment. Non-payment should result.
9 to 10 days/Unacceptable attendance: Resulting in termination of employment.
Strange, it seems that ML’s health care policy is the same as my HMO: just don’t get sick.
If I had any money that I could use to have a portfolio, I would totally start one at Merrill Lynch just so I could cancel my account out of protest.
Have you ever had the kind of day at work when you think to yourself, “Fuck it. I’d rather work at McDonald’s than deal with this bullshit anymore”? Well, now that option just became a little more viable.
Mickey D’s, perhaps hoping to more easily separate the wheat from the chaff of their applicant pool (or maybe they’re just pissed that Jennifer Hudson worked at BK), has posted these handy interview tips on their website. The strange part? They’re actually kind of applicable to other jobs you might apply for in your post-frymaking life. Weird, huh?
Sell yourself with facts. The interview is your chance to tell us why you’re perfect for the position. Tell us about your successes, your failures, things you did right, and mistakes you learned from. Don’t forget to let your personality shine through.
Go ahead–ask us. The interview is a two-way street. We ask things about you–and you should definitely ask things about us. It’s an opportunity to get details about the position. Show enthusiasm, curiosity, and above all else, show us you’re interested in McDonald’s.
Anyway, unless you read Fast Food Nation lately, here’s the site for your amusement.
