Monthly Archive for April, 2007

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pin-up for your cube

Once upon a time, office tramps ruled the workplace. Okay, not really, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make shit up about it. Like, “back in my day office tramps were a thing of beauty and young women aspired to be them!”

Thank god for women’s rights and everything, but seriously – with all the celebutard activity out there these days, we wouldn’t be surprised if, in a decade or so, somebody actually does try to explain the benefits of dipping your nub in the company ink by saying office trampiness is a thing of beauty. Paris Hilton would, naturally, be the poster child. And speaking of posters…

What I’m really trying to do here is basically work up to posting this awesome old book cover-turned-poster. Never mind everything else. It’s just about the cover, my fellow executive sweets. Pin it up in your cube.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

my boss wanted a totally hairless body…

I had a supercrazy boss when I was an assistant at a production company in LA. I’m pretty sure she was bipolar, which made her do some crazy shit. She wanted to have a totally hairless body, so she went in for electrolysis. After every session, she would come back to the office, go in the bathroom and put on this special cream — all over, if you catch my drift — in front of anyone who happened to walk in. The cream stunk up the office for the rest of the day and whenever she walked by, it sounded like she was wearing a diaper because of the cellophane she needed to affix to her soon-to-be-hairless body. Crazy town i tell ya… - Submitted by Shelly, Los Angeles

survival guide: soothe an assistant

Spring is in the air. That can only mean… spa week.

Spa week is a gorgeous invention that lets poor people (that’s us) go to fancy spas and get major discounts on massages, facials, mani/pedis, and the rest. They have deals in a host of cities (not just NY/LA), including Dallas, Seattle, and Minneapolis.

So take a look at the offerings. You deserve it.

celebrity assistant lookout: kimora lee simmons

Today’s New York Daily News reports that Kimora Lee “Baby Phat” Simmons is on the hunt for an assistant. But there’s more- this assistant won’t just be fetching coffee and fielding phone calls, he or she will also be appearing on Kimora’s upcoming reality show.

Unlike some people, Kimora doesn’t have a reputation for belittling assistants or physically assaulting them. That said, you never know. Here’s the item:

If you’re “an energetic, smart, ambitious woman in her early 20s who is interested in the fashion industry,” then you can be Kimora Lee Simmons‘ new assistant – and appear on her reality show. Be prepared to answer the following questions: How would friends describe your personality? What celebrity’s style do you most admire? How would you describe your personal style? That’s what they asked us, anyway, when we secretly applied.

Sadly, the piece does not include a link to an application or Kimora’s publicist. Anyone have more information?

survival guide: saving dough

We’ve often asked ourselves how the hell someone is supposed to survive off of $28,000 a year in this day and age. After taxes, you’re taking home roughly $400-500 a week, depending on your local taxes (sorry, New Yorkers- you get shafted with state and city taxes). Your employer may think it’s a decent amount, but come month’s end when you’re eating ketchup and mustard sandwiches and searching your couch for loose change for the umpteenth time, you could probably tell them differently.

But, we all have to survive on that infamous $28K salary. Here are a few tips and tricks we’ve gathered over our tenure at STA.

1. Live at home. The number one expense for assistants starting out is rent. No matter where you live and work, chances are the rent seems disproportionate to what you’re making. You could always join the “risk-oblivious youth” crowd and settle into a cheap but borderline-dangerous neighborhood, but who wants to worry about getting shanked after a hard day at the office? Living with your parents could very well be your own Shangri-la: cooked meals, familiar territory, a chance to save those pennies, and no shanking. Besides, you’re not alone. Many, many people have to return to the nest after college. Yay, economy! Don’t want to live at home? Or can’t commute to your job in Boston from the folks’ house in Delaware? Then consider the next option.

2. Apply for low-income assistance. If you’re making near enough to the poverty line, you can qualify for low-income housing. It’s a fairly arduous process, but when you’re doomed to a couple of years at this level of salary, you might want to seriously consider accepting that you qualify for help and then going out and getting it. For information, click here.

3. Cut back on Starbucks. Yes, it’s a painful thought. You go through so much everyday, why can’t you just enjoy that grande nonfat caramel macchiato in peace? Because that little beverage is about $4, which means that one a day is $20 a week, and that adds up to $80 a month. Yikes. There are cheats, of course. You can get a travelling mug, which would save you a few pennies and help save the planet. Bonus! Or, you can reuse the same paper cup until it’s practically falling apart. Our favorite little trick is to make your own iced latte. Order a doppio on the rocks for $2, then walk over to the milk bar and fill ‘er up. Voila, latte for $2 instead of $4.