It’s only three months into the year and you’re already sick of your horrible assistant job, aren’t you? That’s okay. So are we.
This week, we questioned Naomi Campbell’s comeuppance…
… and we gave you some fun plagues to send to your boss…
… but we also provided valuable ways to save your soul and find some inner peace!
And then we reminded you that there are worse things than being an assistant. Like being a street prostitute.
Speaking of street prostitutes, you really should be careful about what you post about yourself online.
Happy weekend!
Being stuck in a 6×6 cube under flourescent lighting can’t be good for the soul, right? Especially if you have a succubus shouting at you from across the room. Luckily, the folks at Beliefnet have devised some snappy pick-me-ups to help you cope (and peacefully combat) the deluge of stress in your daily life.
Top Ten Spiritual Office Pick-Me-Ups
Tip #8, “Rein in the Stress Talk”, is especially useful if you choose to send an email to us instead of just talking about your horrible job so we can post your story! It might fall under that whole idea of “sharing your pain makes it half”. Worth a shot.
First, American Idol finalist Antonella Barba had racy photos of herself (which she claimed she’d made as a private gift for a former boyfriend) leaked on the internet. A few weeks ago, the New York Times’ “The Ethicist” column dealt with a guidance counselor who wasn’t sure if he should let a college know about the blog of a prospective student. This MSN article covers similar territory. To sum up, STA style:
- Don’t use your real name on your MySpace or any other public internet site, because
- Prospective employers will Google you
- And that website is on the internet, which everyone can see, including your mom;
- So don’t put naked photos of yourself on it
- Or photos of you drinking, especially if you’re underage
- And don’t list “orgies” as one of your hobbies, even if you say you’re kidding
Take this advice sagely, assistants. If you really want to post those naked photos of you murdering a prostitute while simultaneously smoking crack and littering, at least make your page friends-only. Geez.
When I was working my nightmarish assistant job, I used to think things like “at least I’m not living on the street,” although there were times when living on the street would have been way better than dealing with my boss’ bullshit. Author Liza Featherstone compiles this list of ten jobs that are definitely, definitely worse than yours, including Farm Laborer and Prison Inmate/Forced Labor. Here’s a snippet from the description of “Poultry Processor”:
It would be tough to decide which was the worst task in a poultry plant — would you rather be crapped on and scratched by live birds; slaughter and behead them; or pull their guts out? The work is repetitive, with relentless pressure for profit-maximizing efficiency. Bathroom breaks are discouraged and often punished. Because of the brutal pace and casual safety training (portrayed in a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wall Street Journal investigation of the industry) one in four poultry workers are injured or made ill by their jobs.
Wow. Something to think about the next time you curse the universe for making you put together spreadsheets. Perspective is a bitch.
Our girl Naomi is constantly confounding me. First, she beats her assistant and gets community service and a TV show. Then she overdresses for the part of janitor, and then she makes an assistant out of a police officer. Seriously. The dude who was supposed to be overseeing her tenure-with-broom was relegated to holding the woman’s purse. If she can’t carry her own purse, I can’t imagine that she actually pushed a broom. Or maybe she was just saving her strength…?
Just in time for the Passover seder, those people marketing Hilary Swank’s horror movie The Reaping have come up with a brilliant site that lets you send a friend a plague. Screw ecards- now you can send boils, blood, or locusts to the person (boss) of your choice. Feel free to make up a kicky false email address like youreanasshole@noonelikesyou.com.
Choose a plague here.
Well, maybe not quite as noticeable as climbing onto all fours on your desktop and sticking your butt in the air, but perhaps just as tension-relieving – and we all know that Mondays can be especially painful. Cyndi Lee of OM Yoga in New York offers a couple simple moves that might help you go from “argh” to “ahh” (as in, a sigh of relief).
Office Yoga Tips
And if stress-relief isn’t quite enough motivation for you, imagine the look of bewilderment on your boss’s face when she walks in to find you in tree pose.
We’re still bummed about the whole Naomi Campbell thing – the part where she didn’t have to wear a pretty yellow vest, instead opting for stiletto workboots. But it’s Friday, so we can’t really muster that much harumpf.
- Naomi got some sort of comeuppance.
- A secret santa gets fired.
- An office manager ranted and we listened.
- Our quest to help you find another job continues.
See you next week…
Although an Office Manager isn’t a kind of assistant, Office Managers often have to deal with more b.s. than anyone else. They get stuck making sure everyone’s health insurance forms get filled out, the bathroom never runs out of paper towels, and no one fights over the last non-chipped mug in the kitchen.
This blog, written by an Office Manager, recently crossed our desks, and it’s definitely worth a read. Here’s today’s entry:
Fellow Sensitive Co-Workers:
With the photo shoot going on in our office today, it has been brought to my attention that photography is a lot like sex. Please read below:
“Stay with me. Stay with me.”
“Nice and soft. Nice and soft.”
“Good, just like that. Good, just like that.”
“Fucking yeah. Fucking yeah.”
If these above statements are as offensive to you, as they are to me, then please come forward. Granted, the photographer and her model are not technically part of the company, but this is still a ‘work’ environment and I don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable.
Sexual Harassment forms can be attained by paying me one dollar and saying what word makes you feel most uneasy. Please remember that all sexual harassment complaints are filed in confidence and no one will know who you are until the date of the trial when you are then forced to relive the traumatic event in front of both strangers and peers. As your Office Manager, I can also supply you with a list of therapists that accept our insurance.
Enjoy the rest of your day!
The OM.
Today from the Gawker store comes this gem:
“Your Assistant Hates You” T-shirt
Carefully layer it under your blouse/sweater/button-up and let the hatred secretly fester out. Or pay your boss’ lunch date to wear it. Totally up to you.
