Dear Evil Bosses,
We would like to suggest a few things that you can do on this bloody holiday to show your love and gratitude for that person who answers your phone and fetches your coffee.
1. Answer your own phone and/or fetch your own beverages, maybe even just for an hour.
2. Paste pictures of Cabana Dan in his mankini all over their cubicle.
3. Let them know you care. With chocolate. Or money.
4. Make a point to learn not only your assistant’s name, but how to pronounce it properly. Learning is fun!
5. If you catch them looking at a website with a name like “Mave the Fassistants,” do not get angry at them or ban the site from their computer. Instead, look within, and examine what habits or traits of yours might prompt your assistant to look at such a website.
These are, of course, just some basic things that we hope evil bosses would consider on this day of love. Any other requests?
Kisses,
Ashley & Lilit
Sigh. We just got the best Valentine a couple of formerly-beleaguered assistants could ever hope for. We heard through the grapevine that our former employer has blocked Save the Assistants from all computers at their location.
Ah, Cupid. You are too good to us. We can only hope that this blocking of STA was preceded by a secret, VIP-only, closed-door meeting in which at least a couple people might have been forced to look inwardly at their darkened, shrivelled souls and own up to their acts of ridiculousness. Or even a closed-door meeting in which a couple people pitched various levels of fits and eventually had to pop some sort of tranquilizer. Either scenario is gratifying.
But we’re still concerned about all the poor assistants that remain trapped in that black tower of death so we’ll be looking into creating a .co.uk URL for them.
So according to our “research” (read: asking a few beleaguered friends about their salaries), most assistants have to cope with a starting salary of $28,000 a year. Even in New York, which is just freaking terrible. The funny thing is, according to Hotjobs.com’s Salary Wizard, the average level one admin assistant should be making about $38K a year. That’s a $10K discrepancy. Does that sound right to you? What does the average newbie make in their first year, anyway? Do tell.
For more fun with salary calculations, click here. When you’re done wiping the tears from your poor, just-above-poverty-line eyes, you can even search for a new job.
I was working at a non-profit organization that was staffed largely by women my mother’s age and older. According to the union, I was a Secretary (!), the lowest pay scale position, but I was so happy to be working in the big City that I didn’t care, and most of the time, people agreed to call me that department’s “assistant.”
The first week, I overheard one of my three bosses on the phone. “Yes, sweetie, my girl will bring that down to you right away…yes, my girl is very good, she’s just started, but you’ll meet her soon. I’ll send my girl down with that right away.” She said “girl” a few more times, not to be faux ethnic (“girlfriend…you are so down with that!”) or as an homage to Milli Vanilli (“Girl, you know it’s true…”). I wasn’t “Jessie’s Girl.” either. Who was that girl? It slowly dawned on me–she was talking about me. I was her “girl.” I never had to make her coffee, or book personal appointments for hair and nail maintenance, but in a world where everyone was on Weight Watchers, I found myself filling her water bottle a lot. Welcome to my 1950s life. -Submitted by Esther Kustanowitz
What do you get when you cross a blogger with a trade show assistant gig? Jane at Jane’s Plastic Brain Train discovers the inner workings of the trade show world with the help of her guide, Ms. Flaxtroll. It’s not something you get to see everyday…
“…When Ms. Flaxtroll asked me to fetch her some water, I jumped to it, just to have something to do. Turns out, the water I fetched her was too cold. Next time, not as cold, okay, dear? When Ms. Flaxtroll asked me about my life, she made it very clear that she was better and wiser than me because she is married. She begged me for advice about her husband and when I gave it to her, she smirked and told me that I’m obviously not married. Ms. Flaxtroll rarely spoke of anything other than her husband or her dogs. When describing various women to me, she would describe their weight in relation to mine as in: “My maid, Martha, is really good. She’s thinner than you but she has brown hair.” Ms. Flaxtroll also let me know that she is completely spoiled and not used to doing any of this work because her husband normally does it. She also spent most of the time on the phone with him, talking about their dogs.
She also hates Chinese people because, as she whispered to me, “They are all trying to steal my ideas.” I was told to be on the lookout for Chinese people. Ms. Flaxtroll refuses to have a website or print up brochures and her business card was reserved for “important people” only.”
For more of this delicious insight, check out Jane’s blog and scroll down to February 2. Bonus: you might learn a little something about self-tanners.
Those of you in the New York area, be sure to pick up today’s Metro News (you know, that free paper you get handed every day when you go into the subway). Save the Assistants is featured in Paul Berger’s “Blogarithms” column on page 4. There’s also a fun accompanying photo of Naomi Campbell, thanks to her status in the Assistant Abuse Hall of Fame.
If you’re not in New York, or you are and you’re just too cold to run outside and grab one, you can read it here.
Every Friday we at STA like to recap how we made it through the week by sharing STA highlights.
-Someone’s boss had a tupperware-stealing problem.
-Save the Assistants met Cabana Dan, and assistants the world over had new computer wallpaper.
-Our somewhat unorthodox Tip of the Week was “Get Fired.”
-We found a “Get a Raise” spell that also doubles as a tasty and nutritious breakfast.
-We celebrated our 100th post! (This was a blatant excuse to link to that Cabana Dan photo again, by the way.)
STA reader Chris sends us this photo of his very chilly office in Manhattan.
So the next time you’re thinking about how much your cube sucks, remember: at least you’re not typing with gloves on.
There must be something in the air around Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s the smell of chocolate, or the sound of romantic music, or that annoying couple sucking face on the train. Whatever the cause, there’s been an uptick in “how to know when to quit” stories in the business press lately. Maybe they’ve finally heard the Save the Assistants gospel, and they’re trying to throw out some life preservers. Or it’s possible they’re just trying to force you to quit so they don’t have to pay you unemployment.
Today’s gem is from CNN.com. They don’t just focus on the evil bosses- there’s a shoutout to evil coworkers with Sign #1: Your Coworkers Are Annoying and Sign #7: Your Coworkers Act Like Animals. Hey… only one sign has to do with an evil boss, and two with coworkers? Sounds suspicious. Did a boss write this?
Decide for yourself here.
Today is one of those days when we here at STA headquarters get a little misty-eyed. This is our 100th post, and since Save the Assistants was born we’ve been so happy to meet other beleaguered folks who need a place to hide out during the day. We like to be helpful here, and what would be more helpful to a beaten-down assistant than some good, sound advice from a handsome gent? Especially when he brings you mai tais and offers to rub sunscreen on your back while you’re vacationing in Bermuda…
Ahem, as we were saying. Please give a warm hand for our new advice columnist, Cabana Boy Daniel Craig.
Welcome!
Remember: who needs an assistant when you have a cabana boy? In that world (that magical, sun-kissed world), everything is better. There are no copy machines. The only person who fetches coffee is the person who wants it. And did we mention Daniel Craig in a skimpy bathing suit?
Here’s to 100- nay, even 1,000- more posts. Have a drink at work. On us.
