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Archive for January, 2007

fun with salaries: why it’s not a good idea to share salary info

The first time I got a job that required me to keep mum on my salary, I immediately thought it was just another way for the man to keep me down. I mean, what’s the big deal? Everybody should be paid fairly, so there shouldn’t be anything to hide, right? Um, wrong.

First of all, if we’ve learned anything here at STA, things are never really “fair”. That’s not to say that they’re “unfair”, but fair is a subjective term. And when it comes to salaries, there are oodles of variables that complicate situations. For example, you may have been hired during a peak performance period so the company had a little more money to throw around. A co-worker who was hired six months later might be a victim of belt-tightening measures. Conversely, someone who was at the company before you might be paid less than your hiring salary. That’s not information you want to share. Besides, they might not be getting the salary you are, but you might not get the bonus they do.

A good example of a common mess that comes from sharing salary info involved a friend of mine who was hired at a great internet company. She had to go through a lengthy interview and evaluation period even though it was for a semi-entry level position. She realized that if they were willing to hire a recruiter and go through such a complicated process, she was probably bringing something of real value to the company. So, like any smart working girl, she negotiated a salary that was a significant jump from her previous salary. Rock on. A few weeks into her job, she was talking to a coworker-pal and she innocently told them what she was getting paid. Her coworker, who had been there for a few months longer than her and was in a higher position, wasn’t getting paid as much as she was. Talk about awkward. My friend felt terrible, and her coworker felt cheated.

A worse-case scenario involved another friend of mine who was working for a law firm. She had done her time, made her way up and was getting paid a very nice salary. Somehow everyone’s salary info got out and one of the other lawyers decided to try to use my friend’s salary as leverage in getting a raise. This person went into the managing partner’s office and demanded a raise, using my friend’s salary as an example of what they should be getting paid. Unfortunately, it backfired. The managing partner decided to not only deny this person the raise, but to dock my friend’s salary so that nobody would have anything to complain about.

The thing about salaries is that you’re never privy to why the powers that be pay people what they do. If they’re looking to invest in someone, they’re going to pay them more. If they’re the boss’s kid, they’re going to pay them a lot more. If you don’t have experience, they’re going to pay you less. It’s not personal (though if you don’t speak up, you will get taken advantage of – but we’ll get to that later). The best thing when it comes to salary is to keep it between you and the people who make decisions. You’ll rake in the big bucks later and, in the meantime, you’ll avoid calamities like getting someone else’s salary decreased.

a bossary of one’s own

We know that the name of Donald’s Trump’s shark-jumpingly bad reality show is The Apprentice, not The Assistant. But we always enjoyed watching his right-hand woman, Carolyn Kepcher, who always had the right mix of business savvy, snark, and contempt for the moronic contestants. She was fired a few months ago by Trump, who had the audacity to say she was letting fame go to her head (hello? self-awareness, anyone?). Now, Kepcher’s talking about her own personal bossary. (Our theory, same as Gawker’s, is that all these bosses are just variations of Mr. Trump himself.) You be the judge. And you let us know if any of these hit too close to home.

Here’s the dirt.

survival guide: don’t accidentally copy your boss on job application emails

An article on Yahoo! today gives tips about how to look for a job “on the sly,” meaning, “when you already have one.” As a veteran of this old bait-and-switch tactic, some of the mistakes are obvious. Don’t print out copies of your resume on the shared third-floor printer. Don’t let job recruiters call your work phone number. And, as we love to say here at Save the Assistants, don’t be a douche.

Among the tips in this article? “Stay focused on your current job.”

“You always want to be held in the highest respect by your superiors, subordinates, and peers,” Martinez says. “The worst thing that can happen to you is you go up to your boss and say ‘I quit,’ and he smiles.”

No, the worst that can happen is, when you quit, your boss telling you you’re just a hormonal, emotional girl who doesn’t understand what she’s getting into.

That said, the rest of the article is here.

washington is (still) all about hustling

During the fall of 2005, I was working at a government agency.  One of my jobs was to put the Deputy Secretary’s business card in the computer through a business card scanner.  While I was doing my job, I found one card from college that said, “If passed out, here’s the directions to my house,” and then one from an exotic dancer.  I should have put the card in the computer, but I just left the exotic dancer’s card in the desk for the next intern to find. -Submitted by “A Former Bureaucrat in Training,” Washington, DC

addicted to gmail

Some people are addicted to coffee or painkillers. I am addicted to Gmail. My first job out of college was an admin position with a company whose policy towards personal email could be summed up in four words: “don’t ask, don’t tell.” As long as I met my deadlines and maintained a professional image, they had no problem with my Gmail habit, and I suspected my coworkers had similar Yahoo and Hotmail fixations.

Then the unthinkable happened. I got a new job at a company with a strict “no personal email” policy. I could do without the office birthday parties and the happy hours. No casual Fridays? No problem, I thought. But nine hours a day with no Gmail? That was almost unbearable. I’d dash out to the public library during lunch so I could check-in with friends and plan our post-office-hell outings. I needed those fifteen minutes of Gmail like others need their coffee or cigarette breaks. (Note to assistants in a similar predicament: you can still send messages attached to news stories: “Check out this article on terrorism. P.S. my boss is a huge moron.” I used this to send out S.O.S. signals when I really needed to vent, but unfortunately, I had no way to access responses.)

My pangs of withdrawal continued until I got a mysterious email from an AOL address I didn’t recognize. I clicked through my spam blockers, which informed me the email contained content “forbidden under company policy.” More sleuthing revealed that the email had been sent to me (apparently by mistake) at 10:13 a.m. from the AOL account of one of our VPs. The “forbidden content”? An invite to her holiday party. From then on, I figured if AOL was good enough for a VP, it was good enough for me. -Submitted by “Bored in Boston”

the other side of the aisle: a boss’ manifesto

The website Tropical SEO is about someone who is an SEO, which stands for “search engine optimizer,” or something like that. From what I’ve ascertained, this person has the ability to work from wherever (like, say, the tropics) and not go into an office. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, right? Well, this SEO person has a manifesto, which includes the following items:

I pledge to strive wholeheartedly to make the most amount of money while doing the least amount of work possible.

Rock on, brother.

I pledge to get dressed only after the noon hour. Getting dressed implies putting on pajama pants or sweats instead of boxers only. It does not necessarily imply the presence of a shirt.

Preach it.

I pledge to have a secretary/personal assistant and/or mistress to take care of pesky details.

Um, wait. Now we have a problem. You’re enlightened, you have a hatred of the traditional workplace, we were with you until a second ago. But putting an assistant and mistress in the same sentence? No way. Making an assistant do work to support your slack-ass lifestyle? Seriously, no.

Read the rest here. And if you’re Mr. Tropical SEO, we’re happy to remind you what being an assistant, even on a nice sunny island, is like.

oh fine, my boss did do something nice for me

I’ve been feeling a little guilty about only sharing the mean, horrible stories about my old boss (remnants of Stockholm Syndrome?) so I thought that maybe it was time to confess that she did do some nice things for me. I’m only ready to talk about one thing right now though. Baby steps.

During the summer of ‘06, New York was experiencing random blackouts. On one particularly scorching afternoon, our office building got shut down. My boss was concerned that I’d get stuck powerless (oh, the irony) and without any money (again with the irony), so we went to her bank and she took out extra cash, which she loaned to me in case there was an emergency. 

And okay, fine, she covered my drinks whenever we went out for cocktails. And she gave me cab money a couple times.

There. I said it. Now bring on the good karma. - Ashley

[It took me all day to come up with something, but my former boss once let me leave half an hour early from work. Oh, and once he bought me ice cream after he spent the entire morning screaming at me until I cried. But you're right. Baby steps.--Lilit]

dear neighborhood watch, i made my assistant write this note

My terrible boss has a problem. He cannot work his computer. Often while I am in the middle of important tasks he will buzz my office and tell me he needs me to come back immediately. When I get to his office, he asks me to copy and paste text for him, attach files, even set up his out of office assistant. No matter how many times I show him how to do even the simplest thing on the computer, he won’t remember. Why learn when you have someone to do it for you. He is so bad at using the computer, he expects me to type up his complaints to the Neighborhood Association and order his prescription for Propecia. Also, he is getting a divorce. I can only say spending a year with this jerk makes the former Mrs. Jerk either a saint or an idiot. Getting a divorce is hard work. I should know, I have to scan his insurance papers on the engagement ring, track down his lawyer, even mail the divorce papers for him. –Submitted by Kim, Houston

words of wisdom

One of our favorite workplace distractions is Television Without Pity, whose wit and snark have gotten us through many a long day at the office. Among the shows they recap is Ugly Betty, which is a sometimes-accurate (and sometimes idealized) portrait of assistanthood.

From the recap of last week’s episode comes this gem: “Sofia’s got nothing to say, because she feels kind of bad about being so totally evil, and this is her painful moment of reckoning. I think all mean people should lose their assistants.”

We concur completely. For the full recap, click here. For a true story about an evil boss really losing their assistant, check out our Mad Scientist story.

here’s your bonus: goodbye!

As part of our ongoing coverage of company bonuses, we take you over to media behemoth Time, Inc. After getting their nice bonuses for hard work in 2006, more than 250 employees were let go. The folks at Time’s various titles, which include People, InStyle and Sports Illustrated, had some warning before the axes fell…in fact, some of them were warned via speakerphone.

Read more here.